5 Women Recount “Eye-Opening” Moments That Challenged Their Views on Gender Fairness – Real Life Yarns 

We keep talking about discrimination, both on the paths of the male and female, as though it is subtle or funny. But it is not. As “subtle” as discrimination may appear, it could leave a traumatic mark on victims for years. 

To shine more light on this sensitive issue, and in celebration of this year’s Women’s Month, we are bringing you stories from 5 Nigerian women who narrated encounters that opened their eyes to how unfair gender relations could be to women, and how society is contributing to this “anomaly.”

Below are their stories:

Nnedi

It was my husband’s birthday a couple of months ago, so I decided to give him a birthday treat. I took him to a fancy restaurant for an all-expense-paid dinner. Guess what happened. From the moment we got there, the waiter that was assigned to us didn’t say a word to me. Even greetings! He kept directing his questions to only my husband. Even when my husband repeated all his questions to me, he still didn’t have the sense to know that he was supposed to include me in the arrangements.  It was my husband who pointed this out, but I decided to overlook it so we could have a good dinner. 

After the dinner, I called the waiter over and requested the bill, but this dude blatantly ignored me, staring intently at my husband. I repeated myself and still received the same response. That was when my husband asked him to give me the bill. Do you know what he did? He laughed! Yes, he laughed and shook his head. Then he told my husband to stop playing with him, that he had a lot of work to do. When my husband asserted that he was serious, he said he couldn’t take orders from a woman when a man was present. That we should stop using him as an experiment for me to feel big. I had never experienced something like this in my entire life. 

My husband became angry and requested for the manager because why would someone be plagued with that kind of madness in the 21st century? I don’t even want to talk about the sense the guy tried to make when his manager came. Las las, he was sacked on the spot. But, guess what! The next time I visited that restaurant with my sister, he was still working there! Can you imagine that? 

Olayinka

5 years ago, when I wanted to launch my startup, I reached out to a few investors and landed a meeting with one of them. On the day of the meeting, I arrived at his office earlier to create a good first impression. As I walked in, wearing my best smile, the first question I got just “offed” me. He asked, “Is it only you that came? Did your boss send you ahead of time to wait for him? Don’t worry, you can sit over there while we wait.” I didn’t even know how to respond to this. I just stood there staring at him, not knowing whether to take offence or be embarrassed. 

He was still looking at me, wondering why I was still standing, when I told him that I was the boss. He was visibly shocked, and a bit disappointed. He said, “Are you Olayinka?”, staring from me to his laptop – I think he was confirming the email he received from me. When I confirmed that I was, he began to shift uncomfortably in his seat. After the awkward silence, he said, “Your work is very good and I like your style. But, when I saw Olayinka, I thought you were a man, that was why I granted the interview. My bad. This one that you are a woman, hmm… I don’t like to invest with women because I don’t like stories. You know how women things are naa.” 

I told him that I did not know, and he gave me a condescending stare-down. He didn’t take me seriously after my “revelation.” He didn’t make a single eye contact with me after, or give me a chance to convince him of my capabilities. He received a call and dismissed me with a wave of hand. I was mad for days!

Ememobong

I once visited a friend’s church for a praise concert. I knew the church was orthodox, and that was all I knew about it. My friend did not tell me about their supposed “tradition” or even brief me about their so-called doctrines. That Sunday morning, I dressed up in my best attire – a vibrant Ankara dress that I was confident in.

As I walked into the church, I noticed the stares, the judgmental, more like pitiful, glances from fellow worshippers. Little did I know, that my attire was deemed inappropriate for a woman in the eyes of the church elders. Trust me, my outfit was decent. The issue was that they had stringent unfair, if I may say so, dresscodes for women.

Midway through the service, the pastor, with a disapproving frown, called me to the pulpit. My heart raced; I thought I had committed a grave sin. To my shock, he asked me to kneel and publicly apologise for “distracting” the congregation with my outfit. The humiliation was unbearable! I felt like the ground should open and swallow me up. I didn’t want to be seen as “indecent” and “disobedient” to God, so I jejely apologised, but I didn’t return to my seat. I walked straight from the pulpit to the door, tears of embarrassment filling up my eyes. 

Later that day, my friend called to apologise, emphasising that this was the way women were treated in their church – with little or no respect. Even in the House of God! What has women done to deserve this?

Chidera

Just 2 days ago, I chartered Keke to go to work. Before I boarded the keke, we agreed on a price but, as we got to my destination, he increased the fare, insisting that the location was far and I didn’t describe it to him clearly. I was still trying to negotiate with him when he jumped down from his vehicle, came around to the other side, and started struggling to take my purse from me. I was taken aback! I was trying to explain to him, but he wouldn’t listen. He kept talking down on me and called me all sorts of unspeakable names. 

All my attempts to calm him down were futile, until a man who was witnessing the encounter from the other side of the road crossed over to find out what the problem was. Surprisingly, the driver became very calm as though it wasn’t him who was breathing fire and brimstone a moment ago. When I demanded to know why he refused to listen to me all this while, only to calm down for the man who just came to the scene, he said, “Why would I listen to a woman?’ Then he turned to the man and said, “You know how women’s issues are. Their mouths are always running.” The passerby just calmed me down and asked him to leave. And, no, I didn’t pay the extra fare.

Aisha

I joined a tech firm after I graduated from the university. I was so excited to be part of the industry, but my excitement disappeared after spending a week in the firm. I was met with scepticism and doubt from my male colleagues. They assumed my interest in technology was merely a passing trend or that I was seeking attention in a male-dominated field.

I encountered this discrimination in subtle but very glaring ways – being excluded from crucial project discussions, my ideas dismissed without consideration, and constantly having to prove my competence. One day, during a team meeting, a senior colleague remarked, “Aisha, are you sure you’re in the right room? This is a serious discussion about complex algorithms.” That was the moment I decided that I had to work hard to shock those misogynists.

Rather than succumbing to the bias, I used it as fuel for my determination. I immersed myself in my work, continuously outperforming expectations. Slowly but steadily, their perceptions shifted. My expertise began to gain recognition, and I found myself leading groundbreaking projects. It wasn’t just about proving myself; it was about dismantling the stereotypes that confined women to certain roles within the STEM industry.

The moment I became satisfied that I had changed the narrative about women in STEM, especially Hausa women in Nigeria, in that office, I resigned. I was even being considered for a promotion at the time. It felt so good to show them that they weren’t doing me a favour by hiring me. I quit on my terms and earned their respect since that day.