They have been many arguments over the years that male friendships are the best there ever is. One participant in this argument even stated that all the hormones and emotions that make up the biological setup of the womenfolk were responsible for the failures of female friendships. Another participant contended that the “Bro Code” was the rule book that kept male friendships in check and, if women wanted the same, they could create their own codes.
The truth is that, whether among men or women, no friendship is perfect. And bro codes are nothing but words that men swear to live by. In most cases, a lot of men stay committed to this code, but the inside life stories from the subjects on this episode of Real Life Yarns are making us question the essence of this sacred code even more.
Below, are the stories of these men as told to this author:
Tunde
I used to have a best friend when I was at the university. This guy was like a brother to me. Well, not until I realised that he didn’t take the friendship like I did. One hot afternoon, we were chilling at a local spot, talking about girls, as usual. Then I confided in him about my crush on our classmate, Chioma, pouring out my heart about how I planned to ask her out.
Little did I know, Emeka had his eyes on Chioma too. If he had told me, I would have stepped aside, but he urged me on and advised me to go for it. I shot my shot and Chioma and I became an item. Emeka was our biggest fan; he always told us how we looked great together and was even our peacemaker when we had issues. In all this, I thought I had the best friend any guy could ask for until I received the shock of my life. One day, a friend came to visit me at my lodge and told me not to trust Emeka because he wasn’t who I thought he was. I just told him to knock it off because I trust my guy die. That was how the guy pulled out a video of Emeka and Chioma kissing on his phone. I went blind for a few seconds. I didn’t believe it, and it didn’t look like Photoshop because this friend lived in the same lodge as Chioma and recorded them from her open window. I called Chioma immediately and asked her to explain. She didn’t even deny it. She said Emeka was always there for her when we had issues and told her about all the times I brought girls to the house, and even about the girl that got pregnant for me. None of that ever happened!
I was dumbfounded. I don’t joke with my reputation, so I just debunked everything she said and hung up. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. As I was sitting on the floor, wishing it just opened and swallowed me up, Emeka entered. He had no idea what had just happened because he was smiling and reaching out for a handshake. I never punched anyone so hard before. I made sure he bled before I let him go. He became an abomination to me since that day.
Chidi
I always thought loyalty was everything among friends, especially male friends, until I experienced the ultimate betrayal from my childhood friend, Emma. We had grown up together, shared dreams, and even talked about starting a business together. So when I stumbled upon a lucrative business opportunity, I didn’t hesitate to bring Emma on board. We invested our time, money, and energy into the venture, thinking we were building something great together.
But as the business started to flourish, Emma began to change. He started making decisions without consulting me, cutting me out of important meetings, and even scheming behind my back to push me out of the little company we were building altogether. For every time I noticed this, I talked to him about it and he apologised with flimsy reasons. We kept going like this until the worst thing that could ever happen to me happened.
One day, a week after Emma travelled to Abuja for a deal we were working on, a client called me to tell me that it’s been weeks since he paid a huge sum into our account and he hadn’t received his goods yet. He said he was worried and went to check our social media page, only to see more complaints of fraud there as well. I hardly checked our pages as Emma was the person supervising that. I was shocked! I pacified the customer and convinced him that I’d confirm his deal and deliver his goods. I went straight to our social media page, and it was all true. We were being dragged for fraud.
I called Emma immediately. When I started questioning him about the fraud charges, he hung up and turned off his phone. I tried several times, but couldn’t reach him. I called everyone who could reach him, but they had no information on his whereabouts. When I called the correspondent in Abuja again and threatened to arrest him. He told me that the client we had in Abuja and the business deal Emma went to Abuja to close was a scam. I had been scammed by my childhood friend! I had to involve the police. They tracked him for days but couldn’t find him. I had to use the funds in my possession to settle some of the customers. I even got arrested by one of them and spent 2 months in prison. It’s been 2 years now and I still haven’t heard anything about Emma. His parents swear they haven’t seen him since then, but I don’t believe them. Some people are advising me to arrest them to lure him out, but I don’t think I can do that.
Joseph
There was a time in my life when I was very depressed. I was dying inside but I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through because “men don’t cry.” One day, my friend, Iyke, invited me to have a drink. It was a perfect opportunity to drown my sorrows, so I obliged. After a lot of drinks, I was blind drunk and let slip the personal struggles I was going through. I was so frustrated that I started crying. Iyke kept sympathising with me but, unknown to me, he was video-recording the whole thing. After pouring my heart and gut out, I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning to lots of texts and missed call notifications. One of the texts read, “Bro, I can imagine what you are going through, but suicide is not the answer.” Another one read, “I think say you be macho guy! Which one you go dey embarrass yourself like that for social media naa?” I was confused. Among the several texts, I found the video that was causing the buzz. Iyke had killed me. The caption on the screen was what even angered me more. “Even strong men fall and cry. Stay brave, kings!” I didn’t even need to ask who made the video. It was right in my face. I checked Iyke’s status and there it was.
I called him straight up and told him everything that had built up in my chest. It felt like my trust had been shattered into a million pieces. He apologised profusely, claiming he didn’t mean to betray my confidence and only wanted to create awareness for men’s mental health, but the damage was already done. I couldn’t look at him the same way again.
Rosemary Kasiobi Nwadike
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