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“I Bought My First Condom When I Was In SSS1”: First-Time Experience Buying a Condom | Real Life Yarns

“I Bought My First Condom When I Was In SSS1”: First-Time Experience Buying a Condom | Real Life Yarns 

Buying a condom can be a very awkward experience, especially if it were your first time. First, you don’t want others to know that you are about to have “seggz”. I mean, who would want to announce something as private as that? Secondly, you don’t know how to control that weird eye contact or communication between you and the person you are buying from. Surely, at a point, you just get used to it and stroll into the store like you want to get biscuits. But, for now, let’s hear some stories about people’s first-time experiences buying a condom.


I bought my first condom when I was in SSS1. I strolled to the pharmacy wearing a hoodie to cover my face, with my backpack stylishly flung on one arm. As I entered and saw the crowd, all my confidence flew out the window, and I ended up using the “Serve the other people first” line and stood at the corner. Luckily for me, one of the attendants was a coded guy. He somehow figured out what I wanted to buy and told me to drop my cash on the counter, then he slipped me the condom without anyone noticing. He also added that anytime I wanted to get a CD in the future, I should just come to the counter and drop my money.


The first time I bought a condom was for a friend because neither she nor her boyfriend had the courage to get one. So I took the bold step, as the onye obioma that I was, even when I knew that it could be very embarrassing, especially for a girl.

When I arrived at the store, a lot of people were there; and I had to wait for everyone to leave before I could walk up to the lady over the counter. As I was about to tell her what I needed another lady came in, so I just blurted, ” Please, I need a latex”, trying to form phonetics. The lady didn’t understand until the other girl said, “She said she needs a condom.” I felt very foolish that day. When I got home, I refused to talk to my friend as if she was the one that sent me the message.


Mine was funny and interesting. I didn’t want it to be awkward, so I just entered the pharmacy like Idan, and calmly waited for the male attendant, based on the bro code, to finish serving others so I could place my order. The other attendants were girls so I didn’t want them to know my “dirty” secret. Immediately my guy finished with a customer, I rushed over to him. As I was about to open my mouth, the manager called him away and one of the girls had to take his place. Come and see me sweating. I just mustered up the courage and whispered that I needed a condom. Then she smiled (of course she gets it) and went to get me a pack. As she handed me the pack, she asked me a question I never expected in my entire life. “Should I come and join you?” Ehhh!!! I sha took her number and we hooked up a week later. 


The truth is that I’ve never bought a condom in my life, and I don’t think I will ever buy one. I mean, why will I when my cousin who works with a condom company pampers me with premium supplies every month? I’m even the one supplying others. I have 99 problems and “Embarrassing Moments While Buying Condoms” can never be one of them. 


The first time I bought a condom, I went with my first boyfriend. Come and see both of us, two clueless people, trying to rehearse how to approach the man at the counter naa. I kept warning him that if we both go to the counter, the attendant will know that it was both of us that wanted to engage in the act. But he wanted to impress me by forming street guy. He just held my hand and walked up to the counter and told the man, “Please, give me a pack of condoms.” The man first looked from him to me before repeating, “A pack?” After my boyfriend nodded, he kept staring at us. It was the most awkward and embarrassing silence I had ever experienced. Until my boyfriend finally added, “It is for my father.” I literally turned red. We were both 16!


Omoo, buying a condom is not even the problem. It is about telling them your size. So, I’ll tell you about the most embarrassing moment I’ve had buying a condom. There was a time I bought a sexually enhancing drug in the past that I reacted badly to, so I went back to the store to pick a fight with the female attendant that sold it to me. Fast forward to the future, and there’s this babe that I had been madly crushing on for a while. Then, one day, fortune smiled at me and she agreed to come back to my place for some “doings”. The only problem now was a condom. So, I rushed to a pharmacy close to my house to get some. On getting there, lo and behold, I met the archenemy female attendant who was now working at the pharmacy close to my new place. I was just weak, but I still went up to her in that full pharmacy and told her in my lowest voice that I needed a condom. This girl, with all the hatred she had in her heart for me, just screamed to everyone’s hearing, “Condom, what size?” First of all, I was a small size, and, you guessed right. She screamed the size to her colleague and the whole store when I told her. I don’t know how I left there with my legs that day.

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