5 “Survivors” Recount the Woes of Their First Dates – Real Life Yarns 

Have you ever gone on a first date that went south? More people are beginning to affirm that the current dating pool is shitty, and that they would rather remain single than engage in it. We all know that there is always a solid reason behind decisions like these. Our first guesses; an ill-fated relationship, a horrible date experience, or ex-partners from the scariest horror films ever produced. As always, we followed the buzz, and it led us to some awful first date stories.

In this episode of Real Life Yarns, 5 “survivors” share stories of their ill-fated first dates.

Below, are their stories:

Tolu

My first date gone bad was a blind date. This guy chatted me up on IG that I was a pretty girl and that he would like it if I posted more pictures because not doing so was robbing the world of the sight of a great beauty. I found him very interesting and we started talking and later set up a date because we were in the same city. Immediately I arrived at the venue of the date and he sighted me from afar he started screaming, “Damn, you are really sexy!” Ah, I didn’t know whether I should blush or be embarrassed. When I got close, he started making comments like, “Look at that ass! Oh my God, what bra size do you wear? These babies look really great!” I just started blaming my guardian angel because why am I always meeting unfortunate people who seem great at first? I then said let me calm down, that he might just be a very vocal person and I was judging him too much. If I had known, I would have listened to my instincts. It wasn’t up to 10 minutes after we sat down, he was already requesting to touch my body. “My God, which kind of mad person is this?” was what I was just saying to myself. When I told him that he seemed very different from his IG personality, he said that all that was just packaging and that the real him was the one in front of me. Haa! Uncle started asking me about my fantasies. When I told him that I didn’t have any, he said his was to do it in a public bathroom. He then gave me instructions to go to the bathroom to wait for him, and that I will have the time of my life. Omo… the way I picked my bag and disappeared from there eh. People are mad in this Lagos o. Blind date? Never again!

Ekene

I met this fine girl at an event and we got talking. We decided to see again and fixed a date. When I asked her where she wanted us to meet, she said she was a high-maintenance babe and wouldn’t go anywhere if it wasn’t classy. That was my cue to find my way, but beauty blind me. She later picked a fancy restaurant. I was already seated at the restaurant when she came. Immediately she saw me, standing up to welcome her, she started laughing. I was amused and asked her what was funny. Babe asked, “With this way you are dressed, are you sure you can afford this place?” See big insult! Because of embarrassment, I just smiled. To cut the whole story short, before the date ended, babe had already ordered stuff worth almost 50k. She was just eating and drinking like a thief. My mouth was open with shock most of the time because babe devour pass lion. At the end of the day, I spent my salary on just one date. Then guess what she said next… “This was kinda fun, but I don’t think we can meet again.” Kinda?! Ontop my one month salary. I just told her thank you and left with the little strength I had in me. Na me “eff” up go find baddie.

Bryan

There was this girl I met in 2021. I liked her and we decided to hang at a swimming pool. Everything was going great and I was having a good time. The next thing I knew, she started muttering to me under her breath that we should move away from the spot we were in the pool. I told her I liked where we were and wanted to know why we should move. She said that she just peed in the water. The way I jumped out of the pool eh! She started laughing and telling me that it was normal, that everyone did it. Everybody ke? You mean mad people? I couldn’t even stand the sight of her after that because I was very disgusted. I told her to go clean up, that I was leaving. She called me a baby. I accepted. We went our separate ways.

Nneka

I had a date with this really cute guy about 6 months ago. He was a fun company, and our evening was filled with laughter and plenty stories as we gisted away. Then he received a phone call. After the call he suddenly switched and began to ask me if I could cook a good meal.  Ah Ah! Me, I can’t see anything weird and let it pass at all. I just asked him, “Oga, what is with the switch up?”. He then laughed and told me that he just spoke with his mom, and she gave him a list of questions to ask me to know if I were a wife material. Haa! The momma’s boy alert was just ringing in my head. Our first date and your mother is already winging it remotely? No be me and you o. I sha humoured him and answered all his questions in the best way that his mother would approved. At the end, he was like, “Wow, you passed my mom’s test! She would love you.” I followed him to laugh and all, but on my way home from the date, I blocked him everywhere. God save me from mad people.

Esther

The guy kept telling me that I was so smart for a fine girl. Apparently, he had this belief that girls couldn’t have both beauty and brain in a proportionate quantity. He said he was skeptical about asking me out at first because “Fine girls no dey too get sense like that.” I was just surprised at the irony because, from our conversation, he was the really dense one. I had to exercise my patience to the last stretch so I could tell him how so unintelligent I thought he was and how he was so bad at conversations because he was not very knowledge. Then I sat back and watched his big ego deflate. It was so satisfying! And, yes, I am very petty.