To all the silent reader in d house u would love this
Right now, you're probably starting to feel like learning how to prevent cheating is an impossible battle. "Okay, so all I've got to be is not weak, not insecure, and not let her reach the place where she feels like she has no choice but to rebel... how am I supposed to do all that?"
Relax. It isn't as hard as it seems. Your girlfriend isn't looking for the perfect man, trust me, she isn't. Somewhere out there on Planet Earth, there's a man better than you in every single way:
• He's smarter than you
• He's better looking than you
• He's more charming than you
• He's better with women than you
• He has a better career than you
• He's wealthier than you
• He's cooler than you
...and all the rest. But this guy's virtually no threat to you if you run your relationship right. Why? because of the level of effort involved in constantly changing partners.
We've looked at the effort on here as it applies to attraction in The Law of Least Effort. But effort isn't
only an important component of attraction - it's important in all things in the universe.
Air molecules head toward lower pressure zones where they can move about with the least amount of effort (causing wind). Continents slide in the direction they encounter the least amount of resistance (causing continental drift) and human beings select the best quality mate they can reliably get with the least amount of additional expended effort. Sure, you could spend a lifetime looking to constantly find that person who's 1% or 2% better than the mate you've got right now but that'd be terribly inefficient from a mate selection standpoint - and people would rarely if ever reproduce.
A branch of humans that favored mate quality over effort expended to get quality mates by too great a factor would soon die out, overrun by that branch of humans that selected its mates more efficiently. what all this means is that you don't have to be perfect - you just have to be good enough.
• You have to be a dominant man just enough that your woman remains attracted to you.
• You have to stay out of auto-rejection and promote self-expansion in your relationships just enough that your woman feels secure with you.
• And you have to make sure that your woman never feels like things have stalled out, starts feeling trapped or desperate, and begins acting out to force you to make the decision for her.
For each guy reading this article, one of those is going to be more difficult than the rest. Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to be a strong guy, attract women and earn their respect.
Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to be a secure guy and inspire women's trust and confidence.
Maybe it's hard for you to learn how to move things forward toward children, or it isn't something you want to do right now.
No matter which of those you find hard right now – or even if you find all of them difficult - you can change that... if you want to.
If maintaining relationships is truly important to you, If you really care about how to prevent cheating, and you want to fix things the right way, because, easy fixes aren't easy - and they don't exist,
either, It's impractical to move your girlfriend to a desert where the two of you are the only human beings and she doesn't have any other options for cheating if she gets fed up with you, after all You've got to make her want to be with you.
The Cupid Series Continues Tommorow, drop your comments and share your views.
Most people - men and women - become so invested in their relationships that they find it hard to leave. If you're like most people, you don't just pick up and go from a relationship you've invested in for 6 months, a year, or more - there's too much seemingly at stake.
• What if you can't find someone else as good as this person?
• What if this was The One for you?
• What if you're alone forever after you break up?
• What if what you thought was a problem actually wasn't and you made a huge mistake?
Questions like these plague people facing a potential break up and make it difficult or impossible for many of them to make a decision and carry it through. So, they waffle, unhappily, one moment thinking they'll break up, the next that they'll stay together, and on and on, like a spinning top about to fall over but not sure which way, until something comes along to tip the balance one way or another. I call infidelity in this case women's attempt to "force change," but it's not actually a conscious choice. Rather, a woman in this position is stuck in such a terrible position - where she's unhappy with her current relationship, unable to get what she wants, but afraid to leave behind the investment she's already made – that she stays in a relationship she probably shouldn't until an
outside factor inevitably comes in to introduce a little more chaos into the equation. Then, she strays.
What happens? At this moment, the relationship reaches a crossroads: either her man is going to break up with her for her infidelity, reasoning that she's no longer what he wants in a partner, OR he's going to break emotionally, get upset, and give in to her ultimatum, giving her whatever she wants, so long as she doesn't stray from their relationship again. And before you say you'd NEVER be like that second guy... I've heard that before from plenty of men, who later went on to do exactly that. It's a lot easier to say you wouldn't than to walk away from a relationship you're highly emotionally invested in in a situation like that. I've spent some time dissecting it, and I've come to the
conclusion that women engaging in cheating like this that forces change with their partners is actually a smart adaptation.
Think about this: a woman's primary biological imperative is reproduction. But she's trapped in a relationship where she's highly invested in a man who now won't move things forward with her, toward fulfilling that objective.
• Just tough it out and stuff her wants and needs downdeep inside?
• Or should she break up with him and walk away?
Ideally, she doesn't want to do either. She's reached breaking point - she can't tough it out any longer (see: "The 2 Year Drop" ), but at the same time, this is a guy she liked a lot and invested in heavily and thought could give her what she wanted, and it'll be tough to find a
replacement who meets the qualifications he seemingly does.
So, rather than having to make a decision she can't possibly make, she forces him to make the decision... by straying.
Now it's on him to decide if he's going to step it up and give her what she wants, or step out and let her go. Either way, she's free of the burden of making such a difficult decision on her own, and can always say to herself,
"Well, I had no choice. He decided."
Totally unrelated from weak, and sometimes in contrast to it, is insecurity. No, not that you feel insecure (as in: unconfident), but rather that you make her feel insecure (as in: you might leave at any moment, aren't dependable or reliable). Insecurity's a fine line to walk. If you make a girl feel too
secure in a relationship, she'll start to get bored, and she'll come to resent you. But if you make her feel too insecure, she'll become neurotic, cause increasingly more drama, and eventually start tossing ultimatums at you. Most guys aren't perfect here, so here're the brief descriptions of where you fall on the chart:
• She tells you you're a nice guy and takes care of your emotions
• She seems entirely unthreatened at the prospect of other women around you
• She acts bored or tells you other people have more exciting lives
• She's constantly monitoring you - "Who called? What does she want?"
• She's perpetually suspicious of you - "Are you seeing anyone else?"
• She makes ultimatums - "You need to do this or I'm leaving!"
How to be more of a challenge (if you're too secure) is beyond the scope of this post. If there's demand for one on this topic, comment here or drop me a line to let me know and I'll see if I can get one up on this. But, basically, being too secure ties in with #1 up above – a man who's too secure will come to be seen as weak. So don't be too secure!
How about making women feel insecure though?
What happens when a woman feels insecure is that you drive up uncertainty, and thus inspire erratic behavior. She's in conflict with herself. One minute she's thinking about how much she loves you, you're such a strong man. The next minute she's thinking about how you can't give her the certainty she needs, you're no good for her, and she should find someone safer.
The result of all this? She starts making rash, emotional decisions, impulsivity goes up... and fidelity goes down and when you're not willing to give in to her ultimatums, made as an effort to gain greater security,she forces change
Olga, the mother of Mikel's twin daughters, took to her IG page minutes ago to celebrate their love. Recalling how she met him at her parents house 5 years ago and how they went on their first date a year after, she wrote:
"Five years ago today you walked into my parents house and into my life. A year later on that exact day we went on our first date, you are persistent @mikel_john_obi. I am so lucky to share my life with you and our precious little peanuts. Love you #March29 #pooh1 #pooh2 #pooh3 #pooh4"
More polite women will reassure you they don't think this way, but women absolutely, positively detest weakness in men. They can't stand it. And the more beautiful and in-demand a woman is, the more she loathes weakness in men.
You must be strong with your woman. It's utterly, completely tantamount to remaining attractive to her.
You can have a saggy beer gut, be making $10 an hour at the gas station, have lost most of your hair, and wear beat-up old stained clothes, but if you are STRONG she will WORSHIP the ground you walk on.
Conversely, you could look like an Adonis, drive the most expensive sports car on the planet, wear nothing but Gucci and Prada, and live in a penthouse suite next to Central Park in downtown Manhattan, but if you are WEAK around her she will DESPISE you.
Why? Why is strength so completely, utterly, vitally important to women?
1. The strength of her mate determines the strength of her offspring, and
2. The strength of her mate determines her likelihood to survive and her offspring's likelihood too
A lot of the things women hate are actually hardwired responses to drive them away from men who will provide them with weak offspring that will do less well at passing on their genes or will negatively impact their chances of surviving in the world.
Imagine a cavewoman from 20,000 years ago has babies with that guy in the group that nobody respects and always gets his mammoth steak snatched away by the bigger, cooler cavemen. Think her kids with him stand a better-than-average chance of passing her genes on to future generations, or a worse-than-average chance?
Now imagine a cavewoman from 20,000 years ago has babies with the tribal leader of the group, whom everyone loves and respects and makes offering of cave bear kabobs to whenever there's a cave picnic. Think her kids stand a better- or worse-than-average chance of passing on her genes? Of course, right? The woman who breeds with the strong man has strong children with higher odds of successfully mating with other strong children; the woman who breeds with the weak man has weak children who end up mating with other weak children or don't end up mating at all.
Thus, women end up avoiding weak men as much as men avoid fat women. Weak men are to women what fat women are to men: the ultimate turn off. Except, there are some guys who really dig fat chicks... but there are NO women who really dig weak guys. They may end up tossing these guys in the friend zone, where they can still help the woman out by providing her resources and upping her survival odds without her having to actually risk mating with them, but even then they usually don't want
to spend too much time with them.
The cupid series continues tomorrow, Drop your comments and share your viewsRead More
One of the fantastic things about being a man is that women (well, MOST women) only cheat in reaction to you.
Unlike men, who stray from otherwise committed relationships simply because they ran into a hot woman, women don't normally stray from a relationship because they saw a hunky slab of man meat that they simply had to sink their fingernails into, they might occasionally describe it that way, but the actual emotional motivation is different from men's.
women ultimately boil down to one of three (3) possible reasons for infidelity:
1. They've come to believe that their man is weak and unworthy of siring their offspring,
2. They've come to believe that their man is untrustworthy and will fail to support their offspring, or
3. They've hit a wall and are unable to get progress in the relationship, so they act out to force change.
I won't spend much time going into why cheating revolves around reproduction, any more than to say that the
entire reason that romance, dating, sex, marriage, relationships, and any of that stuff exists is so humans can reproduce. All of it evolved to further human reproduction - making babies - and that's what it all eventually revolves around.
we would have a brief look at each of these three rationales tomorrow on the next episode of Cupid, Drop your comments and share your views
Relationship can be difficult to maintain especially when you’re still trying to determine whether the relationship is fixable.
a break in a relationship is not just about the separation, bounce back, proceeding onward or living joyfully among others. The memories of the breakup can be devastating.
You need to think it through before you choose to release or welcome your ex back in your life. Here are 8 absolutely brain storming questions you need to ask yourself before you give another opportunity to your ex.
1. The reason for your breakup
There can be unlimited purposes behind separating and some of them can be truly senseless. You need to examine what led you the break up over and over again. You need to consider if they are really worth your coming back together.
2. Reasons for wanting you back
You need to know why he or she wants you back. This is similarly vital for you to know the unmistakable purpose behind needing you back in their lives. You need to know if there is no mischief behind the second chance they are asking for.
3. Don’t get deceived by words, look at expressions
It is better for you not to get over excited about a second chance from your ex because you have to consider the motive when he/she approached you for another opportunity. Are they truly attempting to accommodate or just playing around with you?
4. How serious were you two in the relationship
There is no point wasting time over a relationship. A relationship that is on and off does not worth a second chance. If you quarrel often and you two separated all of a sudden, then no need for another opportunity.
5. Do you still feel something or have you moved on?
There is no point considering giving your relationship another shot if you have both moved on.
6. Is there still trust?
A relationship without trust is as good as building on a bad foundation. However, similarity and trust resemble two columns for a relationship.
7. How did they react after the breakup?
Before you bounce to any conclusions, do some historical verification on their life after separation. You can converse with regular companions who were in contact to know truly about their activities.
8. Would you both be able to adjust?
You have to think well before doing anything. Regardless of the possibility that she needs you back, things will not phenomenally turn for good after both of you get back together.Read More
I got this mail from a friend who was desperate to share this with as much people as she can.
This story is not one of those stories that emanates from a hair salon or a beer parlour. This happened to an everyday person like you and me and also at a popular university in the eastern part of the country. According to the story, the pregnant lady had a rich and handsome husband who is based abroad. But unknown to her, her best friend and course mate who was also one of her ‘ashebi’ during her traditional ceremony had been eyeing her husband for a long time and had been waiting for an opportunity to snatch him from her. She often disturbed her friend to link her up with her husband so that he would convince one of his rich friends to marry her. Her friend thought she was actually interested in marrying one of her husband’s rich friends so she gave her the husband’s email address. The moment she got it, she decided to slander her friend. She so much painted her friend black that her husband decided to dump the legitimate wife. (Some argue she used voodoo on the man) He proposed to his wife’s best friend and course mate and she accepted to be his wife. The funny girl then informed her friend, who was still in the dark about what was going on, that she was getting married. Her friend was happy and inquired about the identity of the man, but her friend refused to disclose his identity. She told her she would know his identity at the right time. They even made wedding plans together. Her pregnant friend never suspected anything until her husband sent her packing from the house he had rented and furnished for her, only for her friend to pack into the same house. It was then that her naive mind opened and she realised her best friend had taken her husband from her. She tried all she could do to stop the marriage. Talked to her family, her husband’s family, but he was rich and gave generously, and so even the kinsmen were tongue tied to go against him. The man married her friend and abandoned her with his eight months baby. He only promised to take the baby away from her after she puts to bed, arguing that he would give him a better life.
I know lots of guys are going to say nasty things about women. Women are this and that but it is not only women that are capable of such wickedness. Men are also wicked. The strange thing is that this happened in a very popular school in the East. The name of the school is not important.
The question is, is it bad to be naive? Is it bad to be good and kind and not see evil in human beings; is it bad to be good??
Have you ever met a guy that expresses genuine interest to have a serious affair with you but after one or two dates, the interest waned and he took to his heels? Have you ever wondered why it happened? A lot of women would start pointing fingers at evil beings and would waste precious time and energy binding and casting into abyss what might not be the cause of their problem. This is not to say that such evil beings cannot do such things, but most times it is women that scare away men that come to them and not these super natural entities.
How can a woman scare away a man that is genuinely interested in her? This usually happens unconsciously and she can do it in a number of ways:
Saying the three loaded words too early
It is not always safe to tell a guy how much you love him just after one or two dates. Men usually decode those three words to a signal that you are just one of those women who are desperate to rush into a relationship and cannot wait for a man to take care of their needs. Even if you are crazy about him, believe me girl, don’t say it. Just relax and be yourself.
Heaping your personal burdens on him
Nothing says ‘run’ to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman wants him to be her donkey or beast of burden. Most women do this after one or two dates, they begin to off load their problems and heap them on him. Especially in this recession, no man wants to be in a sort of relationship where he is carrying your entire burden. Even if you must do it, it should not be very early in the relationship. Otherwise he’ll have you on your back as soon as possible and run away.
Being possessive after one or two dates
There is nothing men hate like possessive women. Every guy wants and enjoys his liberty so it is unwise to start monitoring him when you are yet to secure his heart. Don’t insist on knowing where he goes or trying to know whether the people that call him are his girlfriends or not. Don’t make his friends not like you by always insisting on being alone with him all the time. Choking him with you won’t help, it is better to give him breathing space.
Forcing him to be what you want
Most women do this unconsciously after one or two dates. They try to force the man to be what they want. They may do this directly or indirectly. Most men do not like this. It gives them the impression that the woman would try to control them after going to the altar, and you know how men feel about being controlled or ruled by women. If you do not want him to run away, do not force your wish on him.
Trying to find out how rich he is.
I understand, no woman wants a broke man but this is a huge mistake. Wanting to know what he does, how much he is paid and how he spends his money after just one or two dates. Most men would frown at this. It paints the picture that you are only interested in the money. An average sensible man would take to his heels once he gets this negative signal.
I hope this tips will be helpful..I hear wedding bells!!Read More
When you feel like you are trapped in a marriage and you have complaints about your man, you want to do something about it. Life is too short to be spent ‘managing’ and coping when you think you would be better off on your own or maybe even with someone else.
Before you call it quits and move on to supposed pastures green, let’s look at some of the things your man may have been doing to wind you up.
BTW: read on with a mocking voice in your head:
You think there is a problem when your man gets on well with your family. He visits your parents and siblings without you, he is always on the phone with your brother, and he buys your family gifts without telling you. Why stay with such a man? He is taking over your life. He needs to learn to mind his own business and leave your family alone. What is his game plan anyway? Trying to impress the in-laws? Leave him!
If he wants to attend parties with you then you are quite right to assume he has a problem. Why can’t he stay at home like some men or go out with his own friends and get drunk? Are you his minder? He is suffocating you and you can do without all the attention he insists on showering you. Leave him!
Praying is another big issue. Each person will answer to God for his own actions so why should you seek God together? When your husband insists on having family prayer goals with you, you know you are in trouble. Surely he wants to ride on the back of your ‘exceptional’ spirituality to enter heaven? Let him pray on his own and leave you to pray on your own. You need to leave this loser before he collects all your blessings.
He calls it being careful with money, you call it stinginess. He is stingy, period. He wants to make sure he completes the hire purchase payments on your car before he buys a brand new generator. Your house still doesn’t have any carpets after one year because he is saving up before he orders them, when he could just get a bank loan. Everything is carefully calculated and accounted for. He can’t live in the moment and buy you some extravagant present with the money in your joint savings account. He really should go and marry his money.
He works hard, so hard that he hardly has time for other things. However he is never too tired to stand too close to you when you are doing the dishes or while you are distracted watching TV. Everyone knows that married couples don’t have the hots for each other after the first few years of marriage. Here you are, after 10 years and he is always willing and ready. You know it is not viagra. You don’t know what it is about you that makes him so excited but it has to stop.Leave him!
He always insists on seeing the positive side to all things, even disasters. How can someone tell you it was God’s will when he lost out on a promotion at work to his junior colleague? He doesn’trealise that it is a perfect opportunity to gnash teeth and be miserable for weeks, while he plans his revenge? Nothing vexes him and he is quick to forgive. He doesn’t know how to keep malice and when people take advantage of him he just withdraws but won’t create a scene or retaliate. You want your man to be known as a firebrand/local-crazeman who is quick to get into arguments and fights. This shows manliness, according to you and your man is too peaceful to be that. Leave him!
He can spend ages playing with the kids. Is he a child? He should know better than running around the house yelling and screaming with the kids. If you wanted to marry a man-child you could have married someone at least 10 years younger than you. Dads are supposed to be withdrawn and unapproachable. Mums are supposed to be fun, caring ones and he is trying to take your place. Leave him!
He can’t tell lies. Even when he is supposed to lie and cover up something he has done, he always tells you that total honesty between you is key. You on the other hand, can tell lies without any qualms. Why should he make you feel guilty about this?. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing every little secret so his ‘disclose all’ policy is suffocating you. Leave him!
He also has a clean fetish. Everything must be extra clean. He wants you to wash all clothes after each wear and even employed a washman for you. Who has time for all that? All your clothes will fade if washed too often and you believe he justlikes to complain that you and kids tend to smell of sweat. Who doesn’t? He has too many pet hates for your liking. Leave him.
We can now see that this man is not the man for you. The qualities you seem to want in a man are not present in your man. Leave him and go out there and look for a man who will be everything you want. What you think are problems are attributes women want in their men, but different strokes for different folks, right?
If you are reading this and you want to leave your man because he does all of the above, please could you leave the man’s phone number in the comments section below so that single ladies know to ‘avoid’ him.
Seriously though, your man might not be perfect but he is probably better than average. Don’t leave him for flimsy reasons. May God give us the wisdom to know when we have a bird in hand. As the saying goes, that bird is usually worth more than 2 or more in the bush.
By Abiola AdeboyeRead More