A mother has spoken out about how she discovered her daughter was being sexually abused by her father.
Samantha (not her real name) said she "knew in her gut" that something was wrong with her little girl, Gemma (also not real name) after her behavior began to "deteriorate" shortly after her parents split up. The couple split up when Gemma was 3 and over the next few years, her behavior deteriorated. It wasn't until the child was 9 years that she finally told her mother what her father had been doing to her. The brave mum is now sharing how she got her daughter to speak up.
Samantha said: "Gemma was a normal, happy child when she was very young but things started to change when I separated from her father when she was three years old. Gemma’s behavior continued to deteriorate over the next few years and when she was seven, I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I felt I needed to talk to her."
The concerned mother found out about the PANTS campaign which helps adults teach children that their body belongs to them and only them, and they should talk to an adult if they are upset or worried. PANTS is an acronym that where P stands for Privates are private, A is Always remember your body belongs to you, N stands for No means no, T is Talk about secrets that upset you and finally S is Speak up, someone can help.
When Gemma was nine, her mother saw the PANTS campaign online and decided to go through it with her one evening. In the process, her daughter made a shocking revelation.
"She disclosed that her father had sexually abused her. I just listened and got her to bed before contacting the police and reporting the abuse. She is ten now, she’s safe and a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. It’s been very hard."
She is now urging other parents to use PANTS to help keep their children safe.
"My advice to parents is to use the PANTS rule as early as possible. I wish I’d used it sooner. Its child friendly and uses age appropriate language," Samantha advised.
He stood up at once, and crashed into the only chair in his room, the moaning and screaming replayed in his head as he settled for what would be the last paragraph to the current chapter of his book. She sat up on the soft mattress, slowly gaining energy in her legs and yawning for the need of sleep, she looked at him with eyes longing for more and asked "oh my God, who are you?"
The first day he saw words form sentences with rhythm in the name of poetry was twenty long years ago. He was just ten and aunty Nifemi, a daughter to mother's friend spent a few days with them. She had a pink diary and he sneaked into her room to get a peek at its content, Just then, she walked in and asked him "do you want to learn how to write like that?" he screamed yes knowing he wanted not just her words, not just her handwriting but the magic he saw when he opened that diary was one he wanted to recreate. "Then take off your clothes, I'll teach you even more," she said. The rest of the story with Aunty Nifemi is history, and history repeated itself all over again and again until mother's friend moved her family to South Africa.
Today, he sits here writing this book, a master of both arts creating magic with his pen and his penis, he has found the best way to deal with the accolades he got from the depth of pieces to shattering skirts into pieces slowly dumping the dead pieces of his heart in the moaning and the screaming. He placed a full stop at the end of the chapter just like he knew it was going to be the last time he was going to see her. By this time, she was fast asleep after he told her he won't be coming around for another round.
Aunty Nifemi is back in the country, and she's back with her eighteen year old fully grown daughter, her name is Pamela, he sees their picture together at the airport from few weeks ago while scrolling through the internet for his next catch. He reaches for a strange purse on his table, it belonged to the little girl he had just shown magic, her name was Pamela.
He jumped up at once and tapped her hard enough till she sat up once again slowly lighting up her dim eyes. The resemblance strokes him. "Oh My God, Who are you?
About the Author:
Anthony Falola is a capital analyst at a top financial institution in Nigeria by day and writer by night. He is an ardent basketball lover and loves to eat and talk when he is not writing or working. Feel free to stalk him on Instagram @anthonioclever
It's no news that when it comes to relationship, you can never be truly "all knowing" about what to do & what not to. Life's simple, but humans are complicated. Relationship changes some people and so does Marriage. No one is above mistakes but we try to learn from them so we can do better and be better in our dealings with others. Here's 8 Mistakes most women make with men:
We Fall In Love with Potential
I cannot possibly be the only one who has made this mistake. Often times we know this person isn’t good for us, but we sometimes suffer from the ‘I Can Change Him’ syndrome, so we focus on what he could be. If only he was X, Y, and Z. The fantasy may be lovely, but you have to keep your head in the here and now. You could derail a relationship if you don’t keep your head and feet firmly in reality.
Keep it real. You can’t change a man who doesn’t want to change for himself. This means that you would keep holding on to fragments of him and working extra hard at the relationship and just be miserable the whole time. He would probably leave anyway, and next thing you know he is marrying someone else who either likes him the way he is. The person has decided he’s good and ready to be the best man he can be, and you wonder where you went wrong. STOP HOLDING ON TO POTENTIAL (yes, I am shouting)
Mistaking Lust for Love
You see that butterfly feeling you have in your tummy when you first meet them? Ermmm that’s not love, that’s common sense leaving your brain. You have seen fine man and you don’t have sense again. We often mistake a strong attraction with a guy as connection. It is not the same.
Sexual attraction is not love, it is not like. Aunty it is what it is: sexual attraction. Now what you want to do with it is up to you. You’re an adult, but just don’t go crying to your friends ‘I gave him my body soul and mind’ ‘he used me’ (I’m laughing at all these and rolling my eyes because I’ve heard them a lot of times and it’s funny)
Women Who Talk Too Much Syndrome
I am guilty of this. There is nothing wrong with communication. But is verbalising every feeling, mood, and annoyance communication? Communication: ‘the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing or behaviour’
Now let’s take note that the key word here is ‘exchange’. So, if all you are doing is off-loading so they can ‘listen’; then we certainly have a one-way ticket to relationship doom. Not only is the relationship an equivalent of verbal diarrhoea, but I think it drives men insane, when we feel the need to talk all the time. Look…. before you had a man, you had friends right? (Hopefully you haven’t abandoned them cause of man. If you have, shame on you). Talk to your friends, but keep the private things for your man. Do not discuss every detail of your relationship with your friends. It is not their business.
We Think Sex Can Hold Them
Having sex with a man would not keep him in the relationship. Being open to trying all kinds of sex tricks in the book won’t keep him. If you like, swing from a chandelier during sex; it still won’t keep him if he doesn’t want to be there. Yes, men do often think with their dicks, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that catering to the dick would fix the woes. It won’t. Being great at sex won’t make a great relationship; it only makes it great sex and if he feels that something is missing whether right or wrong, he won’t graduate you from casual sex to girlfriend position.
Yes, we all want a man who knows what he wants but sometimes, we want to settle too quickly and can be subtle or too obvious about it. You want to start playing wife when you haven’t even reached girlfriend. Stop making something even before there is something. One day the man would wake up see all your tampons and pads, hair straighteners, wigs and fear would grip him (why? Because he is about to lose his freedom and he isn’t sure he is ready just yet) and he would go cold on you. Try not to need a man so desperately to feel secure and happy. Find it on your own first. We need to slow down a little and not force the hand of relationships.
Placing Everything on Them
There was a time in your life when the current guy didn’t exist and you were still alive but suddenly he appears and you have turned him to the reason why you are breathing and living, and suddenly can’t function without him. Suddenly he is paying all your bills and sorting out all your family problems and catering to your every need and you’re not bothering with your friends anymore or doing anything for yourself. You’re a person with some level of independence; don’t ditch it because you have a man now.
We ‘Allow’ Too Much
As women we have the tendency of allowing too much of the wrong things. We’ll allow a guy to be unavailable, ‘too busy’ to communicate or mistreat us because he’s got a dick, money, or because we don’t feel secure enough to tell him to get lost, but we won’t allow a guy past the gates if he’s ‘too nice’. Ever heard girls tell you ‘I broke up with him because he is too nice’? I always respond with ‘common sense is not common’
We Love them More Than We Love Ourselves
If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect a man to love you? When you allow a man be the reason for your happiness and complete you, it implies that you’re miserable and incomplete without him. Don’t focus your energy on dubious relationships and neglecting yourself, friends and family because these species call men show you small love.
We Don’t Know When to Quit
Look, nobody enjoys breakups, but men in particular don’t like confrontation with women. This means they would ride the donkey (the relationship) until it collapses, whilst privately feeling very aggrieved to be ‘trapped’. Sometimes the fear of being on our own is even greater than the fear of not having a man in our life, even if he mistreats us, doesn’t actually want to be with us. We make noise about calling it off if he doesn’t do certain things, but we often don’t, giving the guy carte blanche to do what he likes. He does lose respect when he knows he can do whatever he likes and you won’t say anything.
Does any of this sound like someone you know? We have all been there at some point in our lives.
About the Author: Chantel Netimah is a freelance makeup artist, fashionista and HR Personnel. She is also a foodie and hangs out alot on Twitter. Feel free to stalk her on Instagram. @chantelmartha
“Chioma love, there’s this guy that came looking for you, he said he’s Ben”. “Oh, that’s my boyfriend! She shouted excitedly. “He didn’t tell me he was coming”. Lowering my voice, I asked, “Chy, honestly who am I to you?” She was shocked. She wasn’t expecting that question already popped at her. She realized she has let the cat out of the bag. She mumbled “Emy, you are my friend nah”. “Just a friend?” I was ashamed. So monkey dey work, baboon dey chop.
Friend-zoning is a situation whereby one is a dear friend of the opposite sex, so close to him/her but not sexually-wise not even the feelings. Most helpless guys are victims of this. Below are few tips your assumed girlfriend is friend-zoning you.
She doesn’t love you: This is the main reason for this. The love is not there. Some other guy has taken her heart away and you are around gradually trying to occupy just a portion of her heart. It’s not her fault though. That you are close to her doesn’t guarantee her love.
You haven’t declared your intention: Another strong reason. What do you expect from her? She must have waited for you beforehand. You were probably not man enough to define the relationship to her. She cannot do that for you bro. Do that if you really want her. Girls no like wasting of time.
You are not her type: Most girls can go for a guy they feel for. To protect the African dignity of a woman, they don’t declare it but you could tell from certain gestures they display but when your girl doesn’t even look at you twice. It’s probably you are not her type. It may be that you are not financially ok for her or you just don’t possess the qualities she needs in a man.
It’s just not yet time: You are sure you are her only male closest friend, you can swear to that. But still confused why you are been friend-zoned. Nigga, it’s probably her decision not to have a boyfriend for the moment, probably for her previous heartbreaks. Well, reasons best known to her.
She sees you as a mate: Girls have their way of intimidating guys. You will just lose the morale of making her your babe when she only sees you as a mate, classmate, age mate, neighbor or colleague. At times, she vocally lets it out.
She’s taking advantage: Guys let’s be smart. I hate this one. You are her carpenter, her painter, her electrician, her bodyguard. That’s just the reason you guys are friends. Forget those sweet names, she doesn’t feel for you, just taking advantage.
Dearie, There’s absolutely nothing wrong in being just a friend to an opposite sex. It’s okay. But the problem lies in when they are not lovers but one partly feels they are. That’s too bad!
About the writer
Solomon Akpa is a Young blogger and creative writer. He is currently studying Anatomy at the Enugu State University of Science and Technology.
Follow him on facebook @ Solomon Akpa
Not everyone is good with words no matter the nickname they bear, ranging from woman killer, play boy, seductive trails or s-liner. This can also reflect in the conversation that would come up during dates.
Well, self proclaimed psychologist Joro Olumofin helps
Nigerian guys out by dishing out a few tips on what to do and what not to do
when meeting a lady. Below are the things men shouldn’t do when meeting a
Nigerian Lady on a date or for the first time according to Joro Olumofin:
· Men shouldn’t look at their phones more than the Lady while on a date.
· Don’t talk about your Bank account or how much your father has; this puts ladies off (Bragging)
· Smelling Bad (Mouth Odour is a No. No)
· Don’t ask” are you a virgin?”
· Don’t ask her how many guys she’s been with (Body Count).
· If she’s going to pay for the movie or dinner let her know in advance (no unexpected ATM failures, I forgot my wallet at home).
· When your phone rings on a date and you’re asked where you are? Don’t give a degrading response eg (I dey with that big ass babe, I dey with tolu big Breasts, I dey with that weekend chops I teh u about.”
· Don’t insist on a “come to my house first date” or come to my friend’s house first date.
· Don’t leave your date to talk to another Lady for more that 2 minutes.
· Don’t buy her too many gifts she may think you’re trying to “buy” her.
· If for any reason someone else needs to be in the car, don’t put her in the back seat.
· Don‘t compare her to your Ex.
· Don’t talk about her weight or hair in a negative way eg (some guys may say: you’re about to burst out of that dress, your hair should be due by now?)
· After the first sex always call as a courtesy (whether the sex was good or bad).
· Table manners (don’t make sounds with your mouth while eating, don’t talk while there’s food in your mouth, and don’t use fork & knife for ice cream).
· Focus your eyes on her eyes, not her breast or ass. (Don’t look at any other lady asides her on a date).
· Projecting yourself as someone you’re not (Ladies can spot fake confidence or a fake in general) don’t borrow your friend’s car and say it’s yours, don’t lie your friend’s apartment is yours).
· Don’t be too touchy & feely on a first date.
· Don’t be rude or nasty to the waiter or waitress to impress your date.
· Don’t ask her for money.
Bonus: Don’t ask for pictures unless she offers
Do you agree?
In as much as most ‘smart’ guys tend to leave no stone unturned and conceal every possible cracks when in a relationship they’ve decided not to be faithful in, deliberately or otherwise or to just benefit from the babe otherwise known as using the babe, there are still signs a ‘smart’ lady also should notice pertaining her partner. When a lady starts noticing these, she should be aware that the days of togetherness, the moments of love shared by both is numbered.
She should be calm at first to be sure of her observations not just mere guessing, later let the man realize she’s aware of the happenings, then later, open up and confront the man in a polite, peaceful but mean way.
Sudden fear: Your guy with whom you discuss your problems with, your secrets and your personal life all of a sudden stops been liberal, starts been reserved, unnecessarily quiet, starts getting shocked whenever he sees you, hears your voice or when discussing some sensitive topics with you.
Cover-ups: He starts lying to you as to cover up some shits he’s into. When you know he’s beginning to lie but keep calm pretending to believe him in order to find the smelling rat. Most of his chats with females are blank, girls you are sure he’s chatting with. He must have deleted those chats sister.
Nagging: He’s beginning to nag at you, shouting over very little issues, he’s beginning to piss you off with his recent behaviour.
Loneliness sensation: A couple in good terms with the proper communication don’t feel lonely even when alone but when a girl starts noticing she’s feeling lonely lately, then there might be fire on the mountain.
Excuses: When your man is full of excuses over little questions you asked him. Probably the reason he didn’t call, was late to pick you up and others. If you are his priority he will definitely create time for you. He’s probably up to something.
Surprise visit: He insists you call him first whenever you want to visit, giving the reason as to make sure he’s around to avoid stressing yourself. It sounds lovely but it’s also a sign he’s seeing another Eve.
Communication decline: He doesn’t reply early when chatting probably he’s got a band of ladies he needs to please, he’s beginning to snub you online. He’s lagging in the early morning call to ask how you are and late night to wish you good night rest.
Instinct: If you actually know yourself, there’s this conviction within you which lets you know your man is cheating whenever he’s doing so. This is a divine gift every lady who has time for herself should have noticed. It can’t deceive you.Read More
We have arrived at a moment in history where the best marriages are better than the best marriages of earlier eras, while at the same time, the average marriages are getting a little bit worse. Historians divide marriage in America into three different eras. There's sort of, from the Colonial Era until about 1850, when we industrialized, the second era is from about 1850 to 1965 or so, and then we are currently in this third era.
And the first era was really about helping people achieve their basic, physiological, survival sorts of needs, things like food production, clothing, and shelter. People preferred to love their spouse, of course, but it wasn't the reason that you married and certainly, if you didn't love your spouse, that wasn't a reason to get divorced. The institution was too sacred, was too important. And so spouses were workmates, rather than soul mates.
And then if you fast-forward, in the second era, people increasingly want to marry for personal fulfilment and in particular, they want to marry for love. And for the first time ever, people start to say things like, "I'm not going to marry that person because I don't love him or her." That was a new idea.
And then as we fast-forward to this third era from 1965 to the present, we see that, these days, we are looking not only for love, and connection through the marriage, and sexual fulfilment, but also for these, trickier, complicated sorts of need fulfilment, self-actualization, personal growth, and a sense of vitality. And so these days, for the first time, if you can find yourself in a situation where you'd say, "Look, he's a loving man and a good father but I'm not going to live the next 30 years feeling stagnant, feeling like I can't really grow."
Our expectations for what we want the marriage to provide us have gotten higher in a lot of ways, more sophisticated in a number of other ways, more emotional, more psychological, and because of this additional complexity, more of our marriages are falling short, leaving us disappointed.
When we say the word “Love”, we talk about a strong feeling or affection for one another. It is a form in which two people share confidence and various details of their personal live. It is a feeling of strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship. It is a variety of different emotional and mental states, typically strong and positively experienced.
The truth is that “Love” cannot be defined. It is not clearly understood but yet it is simple. It cannot be explained but can be expressed and experienced. Most people do not know what love is or how it feels because no one has ever showed them what love is.
Some people say it is felt and it comes from the words from our mouth but I say it comes from within us and that is by our actions. We don’t talk or say things about “Love”, You show it and prove it.
When we say the word “Trust”, we talk about Believe, Reliability, Hope, truth and Expectations. Many of us are afraid to trust one another because we are afraid being betrayed, hurt or taken for granted. Some of us are afraid of trust because of their past experiences. Yes, trusting someone is extremely scaring because it is all about putting your fate in someone else’s hand.
Trust is both emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner.
People trust each other trust each other because they have experienced their trustworthiness and because they have faith in human nature. In order to be trusted or gain other peoples trust, you have to show that you’re worthy of that person’s trust. You don’t just tell someone to trust you, you have to show reasons why should be trusted. Trust doesn’t come from words but from actions.
LOVE AND TRUST
Love and Trust go hand in hand. To love, you must trust. Love without Trust is a lie, it is dead and its weak, you cannot trust someone you say you love, then be sure that you can never truly love that person. If there is tension or constant problems in a relationship; any type of relationship at all, it is mainly caused by the lack of trust which makes way for other things like insecurity, ego, short temper, constant misunderstandings and indifference.
Trust is built with time and experiences, it’s not a onetime solid proof built over night designed for love. Trust is a product of love. Love is a palace built on the foundation laid by trust. Love cannot breathe when trust is strangled.
So before confessing or professing your love for someone, there should be Trust because It holds a Strong foundation between you and that special someone.
it comes to relationships, you would probably wish there’s a chip implant that
could allow you read people’s mind, so you know whom you need to invest your
time in and whom not to bother with, except you are looking to just have a good
time. Who knows? Technology might just surprise us with a look through glasses
that could read mind or cheaper lie detector devices. Meanwhile, here are 5 worst
Ghosting is a way of splitting up with someone or avoiding going on another date with the person. This is usually the method in which most people use to break up with someone. They often associate it with the idea that they don’t want to hurt their victims, so with no prior notice or discussion, they start avoiding their partner with hope that the victim would get the gist and calmly move on. When this is about to happen, if the ghostee is very observant, he or she would notice the change. The ghoster can even try to break up with the ghostee because she added an extra meat to their food or he was 5 minutes late to their date.
Breadcrumbing is the highest technique employed by Facebook users. It is the act of sending or receiving flirtatious, but non committal text message (that is, bread crumbs) to members of the opposite sex in order to lure a sexual partner or get one invested emotionally in them, without expending much effort. They are usually the cheats, lonely or the ones just looking to feed their ego of having many imaginary girlfriends/boyfriends. They are usually in a relationship and either it hasn’t been going well or they are getting bored. Or maybe they are single but are not comfortable enough with themselves being alone but still, they don’t want a relationship.
Benching sums up the heat stage of a relationship where you want to move on from a person because they are not selfless or ready for commitment and they start doing sweet stuff for you to stay. You break up with them, they leave or they break up with you and when you are about to move on, they re-appear and start preaching and asking for chances. Usually “the bencher” keeps the benchee at their disposal so they don’t feel totally alone but they are also avoiding commitment in case they meet someone better. This can also work on going on a date with someone for once or twice. You two keep in touch, chat and share jokes but still; there is no talk of another date or interest. You might be getting benched.
This is the top chart of all trends. Cushioning is the practice of making sure you have a backup plan, some insurance on the side in case your relationship goes sour. Cushioning cheats often string someone else along for months to years while still in a relationship with their victim, just to make sure there is someone else to cushion the blow if they get dumped or the relationship goes southwards. The pros usually string multiple partners in twos, threes of any number their strength and time can take. This act is counterproductive. It works well if you become a victim of “I am sorry, I think I am in love with someone else.” But on the other hand, it only makes you think the worst of every reaction and affection shown to you by your partner. You are already thinking the worst of what you have, that would be the only thing you will see.
You don’t want to be caught up in this trend. This is the one that sums up an amazing, perfect lover who showers you with new love, gifts and everything, that you think that boyfriend/girlfriend of yours can’t provide and the worst part of these ones are “they are usually the ready to get into bed when you are ready or ready to get married tomorrow ones.” They show you great affection; make you compare your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. If you are unlucky, you get pulled into their web by choosing them over your boyfriend or girlfriend or cheating with them if you are married. Once they have gotten what they want from you or have you emotionally invested in them or worst part, made you break up with your partner, they pull off the masks and let you taste their bitter galls. They often come as the greener, better grasses because they know everyone loves a great person with a good heart.Read More
Maybe you just got out of a relationship and aren’t ready for something serious. Maybe you have a really hot friend but, you don’t want something serious, yet you want someone at hand for sex, gifts etc. There are many valid reasons to start a Friends with Benefits relationship. The problem is, these things have a tendency to go south pretty quick — and not in the good way. Here are some golden rules you must adhere to for a perfect friends with benefits relationship :
1. Don’t Fall in Love – no matter how exciting and intriguing it might be for you, understand that the next person may not necessarily be feeling this way. DO NOT FALL IN LOVE!
2. Keep Your Affair Very Secret – It is all well and good to trust your friends. But understand that the moment you tell them you are engaged in this kind of affair, tongues would begin to wag.
3. Know When To Quit - Know when to run. Understand when to leave a relationship that has run its course.
4. Don’t kiss him goodbye - Remember, this is not a relationship. Remind yourself of this by having incredibly uncomfortable goodbyes devoid of affection and eye contact. A pat on the arm or a shoulder squeeze does nicely in a pinch..
5. Break it off after three months - Three months is the longest amount of time one can sustain this kind of relationship without it getting complicated. After three months, it’s an emotional free for all. You’re probably going to start getting cosmic about the whole thing.Read More