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Dear boys, if you want a break up, please just say it and quit the ‘I need some space’ line, because we will just overthink it and probably still end up breaking up with you. If you’re wondering what we mean, check out 6 things we interpret that space thing as – there’s more, but we’re sure you get the gist from these ones



He wants to break up


Sometimes your boyfriend will test the waters and figure out how you feel about ending things by saying that he needs space. He’s not officially breaking up with you or even moving in that direction so he figures that this is a safe thing to say and a good place to start. If you do not get the message he is sending, he may have no choice than to be blunt by telling you it is over.


He’s feeling pressured


You probably already know that if there’s one thing that guys hate when it comes to being in a relationship, it’s being pressured. He doesn’t want to live someone else’s life or feel like he should be doing something according to what society wants. So if he feels that you’re putting any kind of pressure on him, whether you want to move in together or even get married, then he might say he wants space because he doesn’t know how to tell you that he’s not ready to commit that much yet.


He thinks he made a mistake


If your boyfriend says that he needs space as soon as he commits to you, then that means that he thinks that he made a mistake. Unfortunately for you, this doesn’t bode well for your future relationship. If he was truly cool with the choice that he made and the changes in your lives, then he would never, ever say that he needed space.


He’s unsure about you


If your boyfriend says that he needs space, it’s totally possible that he’s unsure about you. Yeah, he gets that you’re a completely amazing person and that you’re essentially a catch. And yeah, he cares about you. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t. But he’s just not certain that you’re the right person for him right now and in the future, too.


He met another girl


No one wants to even consider the remote possibility that the person they love could have fallen for someone else. But sometimes a guy will tell you that he needs space and it’s because he met another girl. He doesn’t want to rock the boat of your relationship by breaking up with you right now, but he doesn’t want to let this girl go, either. He wants to explore the possibility of being with her and so he’s going to say that he needs some space for you so he can go and do that.


He wants to be single


Some guys get it into their heads that it’s better to live the single life. They don’t want to be tied down or saddled with a girlfriend. And it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. It just means that they’re getting pressure from their friends or, worse, all their friends are single so they figure they might as well be, too.


So why not help us all by telling us exactly what you want your space for

By Damilola Faustino

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By Damilola Faustino


Finding the love of your life is not the end game to every relationship. Being in love does not always mean staying in love. the latter takes extra effort and dedication. So if you are truly committed to your relationship and you want to see it work, then this article just might be what you need. Read on:


Don’t give up date night


Keep doing the things that attracted you to each other in the beginning. Don’t stop dating each other because you’ve gotten comfortable. It’s important for partners to carve out time for each other. There shouldn’t be any excuse for missing a date night unless it’s a tangible one.


Keep exes out of the picture


Do your best not to mention past loves. This is a quick way to dampen the passion and possibly dig up some insecurities and resentment. It’s best to keep silent when it comes to exes. You must not talk about exes unless the general topic comes up, and even then don’t talk negatively about an ex.


Change your surroundings


Avoid falling into a relationship routine. Sometimes couples can fall into a comfortable pattern of doing the same things every day.  Shake things up a bit and move out of your comfort zone every now and then.


Be thoughtful


Continue to be nice to each other and to anticipate each other’s needs. Thoughtfulness can help a partner feel loved and nourished. So personalize your date, let him or her know that you care and you pay attention to their life.


Work on yourself


It will be very difficult to have an animated relationship if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself. It’s vital to work on accepting yourself before you put your energy into nurturing a relationship.


Don’t expect your partner to read your mind


One potential cause of friction in a relationship is expecting your partner to be able to act a certain way or do certain things without you having to ask. Know that your partner is not a mind reader. So, it is key to communicate your inner thoughts, fears, needs and happiness in a relationship.

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The dream girl and woman crush can be yours if you follow these eight rules.


if you are tired of being single and hope to attract the woman of your dreams, this is for you.

Whether you have been holding out for something perfect, or you've been moving from one failed relationship to another, you still stand a chance to find perfection in the midst of all the chaff around.


Here are eight ways to find and attract the woman you've always dreamt of:


1. You have to try

Really, the problem most guys have is probably self-created. From afar, women may look scary and unapproachable but you never know what happens until you say hi.


You need to get to the point where you can walk up to one and start talking to her without turning into an emotional basket case.


2. It’s really not all that about looks and money

If you don't have the right attitude and approach, your money may not work.


Yeah, we’ve heard about your money and yes, there are women who will be drawn to that and nothing more.


You really will go far with women with the right attitude - humility, being genuinely nice, confidence [not cockiness] etc.


Don’t just have the money and looks; you need a great attitude to boot.


3. First impressions

You never get a second chance to make a great first impression. So be cool with your words and the things you say the first time.


After you have made a great first impression though, you need to stop doing too much, she’ll see through all the goody-two-shoes impression and may be pissed off. Be yourself. You don’t have to try so hard to achieve that.


4. Work on yourself first

You can’t desire a 10 when you are three or a four. Women desire to have great men just as you desire to have great women.


Be the very best version of yourself first. Groom excellently, your speech, appearance, your language… polish all that, not just because you want a girl but because you truly want to better yourself.


If not, you’re doomed to fail before you even begin.


credit Ayoola Adetayo


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I remember one time I had an ex, we were still in the toasting stage of the relationship and she said something that left me wondering. She said “lami, I have this hangout with a couple of friends and some guys would also be there.. Should I go?”. I was surprised that she asked such a question. For the very few people who have dated me, you’d know I’m the most laidback boyfriend in this world who gives you the freedom to do whatever you wanna do. Why? because I also love my freedom and I don’t want anyone monitoring or disturbing me.


I told her, ‘Yeah sure.. have fun” and she was surprised. Like I was meant to say No or something. To her, she was probably trying to make me more involved in her life and whatnot but in reality, she just gave me unnecessary power. Sometimes when you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be asking your partners for some things, instead, you should be telling them. If I had told her not to go to the hangout because I was uncomfortable, she just basically gave me the power to restrict her movements. From that day on I’d have the right to tell her where and where not to go because she gave me the power to.


When in new relationships, women tend to do this a lot. They give men unnecessary power and then the men, in turn, tend to abuse it because such kind of power is new to them. We also give such power to our parents too. Instead of telling them we want to go out, we ask them if we can go out and as we all know, Nigerian parents LOVE to abuse power if given the tiniest bit.


The moral of this short and scattered article is, Stop giving people unnecessary power by asking, just tell them instead.

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I grew up with my grandmother.  I didn’t know my mother until she showed up one day after my grandfather’s death; I was 9 at the time. After that, she would come like once or twice a year; I never really missed her because I never bonded with her. But, there was something quite mysterious about her and her visit, she would come at night and often leave very early in the mornings and she avoided seeing people whenever she was around. It was as if she was hiding from someone.


I knew she was living with a man in Lagos and she has a child with him, she never told me, but I hear when she talked about him with Mama.


Mama never talked about my father, my mother never talked about my father too. I remembered asking Mama a few times, and she would just say, you don’t have a father.


SEE ALSO: I Escaped Death From A Road Accident Because Someone Else Took My Seat


I didn’t understand it, I asked if he was dead, or abroad, I wanted answers but no one was ready to give me any. So I formulated one, I told my friends at school that my father was in Scandinavia. I had seen that name in a magazine and it sounded so gorgeous.


We lived in a family house, with many extended family members around, and the old ones would often look at me with pity in their eyes, and I could see there were many unspoken words behind their looks.


Some of the people in the compound have called me ‘omo ale’ meaning bastard to my face before. The other children gave me a nickname behind my back, it was ‘fatherless’.


Mama was everything to me, she gave me everything I needed and loved me unconditionally. But even as a child, I knew she was a sad old woman. She only had my mother and my uncle, who I never met until my grandmother died.


She died when I was 12.


I woke up to go to school and saw that she was still sleeping. It was really strange because I had never got up before her. I called her, I touched her, I shook her, but she was gone.


She was in the mortuary for a long time because the family was waiting for my mother and her brother to come for a family meeting so they could plan her burial. There were times my mother came but her brother did not show up, but the family insisted the two must be present.


Eventually, he came, the whole compound rushed out the day he arrived. Some talked in hushed tones, chastising him for neglecting his old mother for so long.


He only greeted me casually, he didn’t ask how old I was, or which class I was in school. He didn’t pay me any attention.


I was worried about what will happen to me after the burial. Where will I go, who will take care of me? I have lost the only person who cared for me but there was no one to console me.


After the burial, my uncle was getting ready to leave when Mama’s sister grabbed him by his arm and was crying out loud, saying he will not go until they settle my case.


She dragged him into a room and locked the door behind them shouting that her sister’s spirit will not rest in peace if he leaves without settling my case.


My mother and I were outside crying, I was confused. I was so sad.


After a while, some elders forced their way in and they later asked us to enter, and that is how the whole story was told.


My grandfather impregnated my mother when she was in her twenties. My grandmother insisted that they must cover it up, and she told people that my mother got pregnant with a man who didn’t want the child. After she gave birth, she dropped me for my grandmother and grandfather and never looked back until my grandfather died. I heard she was sending money for my upkeep.


An aladura told my uncle I was a child of doom, and if they allow me to live, I will bring destruction to the family. He could not persuade them to get rid of me, so he kept his distance from them all so that he will not partake of the evil I came to do in the world.


I thrived in spite of them all.


credit: woman.ng

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By Uju Chukwu


I realized speaking to ladies is the most interesting aspect of my life thus far because there is always a lot to be said. This topic we want to handle today, I will write the English as simply as I can, because it is time for our girls to wise up, do not be the pity party guest.


Many ladies are in relationships and they keep asking questions just to be sure they are doing the right thing or taking the right step. I must say I admire that because when you do not know and you ask questions most times you are guided properly but other times you could be led into the gutter.


Okay o! I have been in various conversations when ladies are asked if you find your man cheating what will you do. And then most of them give replies like I will walk away and never turn back, that’s modest but how many of us will walk away and feel that walking away was right and not want to blow the dust?


HERE ARE 3 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER DO WHEN YOU GET HIM CHEATING

MEET WITH THE GIRL:

What is it?!


Why will you want to do that? Most times this is the first step people think of, but NOOO!! You should be able to guide your worth, act the mature one and do not even make the lady realize you are aware of her existence. If the foundation of the relationship is right and you committed it to God at the beginning take it back to him as he is the only one who can solve the puzzle. Your mouth does not have the ability to change a man.


CONDEMN HIM IN PUBLIC:

This is one thing many ladies tend to do when they are faced with the issue of their man cheating on them. Remember, if you condemn him in the public it is more or less like washing your dirty linen outside, which should not be so. Bad character does not hide itself, do not go around wasting your valued time spreading stories to the world on how he is the worst person ever when you could invest it in doing better things. With silence, you will give yourself the respect you deserve.


APOLOGIZE TO HIM:

Love and more love. Love is sweet but never allow the sweetness turn you into being foolish with your actions. He has wronged you, do not let him brainwash your thoughts by saying “no I did not do that, I was just….” and then you go saying I am sorry. That’s psychology he just used on you, do not apologize for the wrong he did, not when you saw it with your own eyes.


There are lots not to do but these are the few I will be stating. Kindly add yours in the comment box below. Hope to hear from you.


What do you think about the advice? What can you add to the advice?

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I have been married to my husband for 4 months now and we have never had sex.


Why?


Hmmmm.  I have a huge phobia for sex. I have always maintained a no-one rule in my previous relationships because I knew it wasn’t right, and I couldn’t handle any of the consequences of STDs and pregnancy.


I got married as a virgin and now to have sex is an issue. My husband has been supportive and we talk a lot but I don’t want to push my luck.


What do I do?


I Am Angry at myself. Once he tries to penetrate, I groan and tell him to get off. It frustrates him but he tries to be patient with me. Please, what do I do? I know I am depriving him of his right and God isn’t HAPPY with me.


Help!


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Looking into a mirror on the wall and practicing that killer charming smile, I straightened  the strains on my shirt. I had decided  to look decent enough to cause quite the distraction at the party, I was to attend later on. Speaking of the party in which I had no idea who was hosting or where it was, or come to think of it any tangible detail about, but it was a Friday evening and after the long stressful week I've had, God forbid I had no plans of grinding somewhere, anywhere! 

  " Zikora! ,I hope say you don ready, I need to be early I'm really in no mood for Uche's drama, if I'm late to the party.  

I gave my long time friend a sympathetic smile "ah Tokunbo calm down jor,you too fear this your babe, please which one is the man in the relationship, remind me o jare" I said, giving out a mocking laugh, he just sneered at me and replied,


 "Eh keep laughing you hear, you this player, but abeg Eh ,do you mind switching places" he gave me a wink and we both laughed for a while at that. 

Half an hour later ,feeling the beat of music, Tokunbo and I were both  at the scene, in a place that seemed to be a really big club but with more lights and not as much people or maybe we were just earlier. A lady wearing a bright pink gown and with quite the heavily made-up face approached us with a rush and in Tokunbo's path, it wasn't until she was near I realised it was Uche and might I add, looking pissed. Uche eyed me and placed her attention on Tokunbo." 


You're late Toks,She said. Looking at me with little interest she murmured "Zikora what's up?" I murmured something not so nice too. We really did dislike each other. 

....."I'm sorry babe, the traffic was unbelievable" Tokunbo put an arm around her cajoling her and Uche not believing a word rolling her perfectly made up eyes. At this moment I had to agree, Toks had a pretty fine thing for a babe. I turned to Ella, Uche's roommate and tried to start a conversation.

"So Uche, this party you invited us to, what's it about? Toks asked.  She faced me squarely explaining "well it's a fundraiser for a society project,if you look around you'll find the high and mighty, not just anyone is here and I invited you two because I'm one of the organisers." I made a fake wow face, I didn't ask the question,  Toks did. I wasn't interested either, I just came to have fun.

 "Um I'll be stealing Tokunbo for a moment, I would love to introduce him to some dignitaries, In the mean time try and have a good time" she said dragging Toks behind her. Tokunbo smiling deviously at me said "Guy, go and do what your best at" motioning to the group of ladies who just walked in. Grining at each other we exchanged a knowing look before he was completely dragged off by Uche. 

 "Damn, the sea is full tonight",I thought to myself as I looked around ,satisfyingly taking notice of gorgeous women prancing up and down in little amount of clothes just how I like it,right before I went for the kill. My stomach organs reminded me that I hadn't eaten since lunch and i had to refuel, and I sincerely hoped that this Uche and her so called Organiser friends had at least put made provisons of food a priority! It wasn't long before I found a whole isle for treats and that made me breathe a sigh of relief, it was more than just treats there was so much to eat and damn the DRINKS it almost made me forget about the ladies at the event, almost! I went up to a woman whom I assumed was one of the servers, who had her back turned to me and spoke up "excuse me" she instantly turned ready to listen, probably a cause of habit from the nature of her job . I listened to her as she informed me on the variety of dishes to choose from, which were all mouth watering I had to say, but for a moment I stopped comprehending she was saying and just stared at her luscious lips and the way words came out from them,I'd never been so interested in the chioce of food in a menu before as she called them out to me, and the way her body language spoke, she was a natural. I dont know why I didn't notice the minute i walked up to her, but this young woman was gorgeous. It made me wonder why she was stuck here serving food and not an invitee at this event and being adored by men out there . I would've stood there for a day appreciating the beauty across the table,but a certain grunt coming from an impatient man behind made me realise that I was actually holding up the line and with regret left where I stood to a seat to eat my meal. All the while not taking my eye off that yummy food caterer ,It was a long night and it wasn't difficult ignoring the countless women who flaunted themselves to get my attention ,my brain only registered one face ,and there she was working her nicely shaped ass off. She was just so enjoyable to look at and the way she interacted with people, with so much ease.

 A hand suddenly grabbed my shoulder, I looked up and found Toks looking down at me, "this one you're just sitting here, I hope you've been getting the most out of this awesome party?Before I could reply and make known my new found interest ,he cut me off "so we go talk later na, I'll be heading off with Uche, I'm going over to her place, I'm sure you can get home safe" he said waving goodbye. I was okay with that, seeing that i wouldn't leave here till I got that caterers number in my contact and her in my life. Just kidding. Maybe not. Returning my attention back to my previous fixation, I noticed she was no longer at the spot she was all evening or even around that spot. After a quick search i realised the caterer wasn't anywhere in the room, that didn't stop me. I searched the bathroom hall, at the back of the building, I looked everywhere like I was searching for an escaped convict. With the heaviest heart I reluctantly gave up and retreated to where I parked my car as I headed back to my apartment. Jolting I nearly got knocked off my feet with joy caused by the sight before me. At this moment if I had the power, angels would sing 'alleluia' that second. There she was illuminated by the light from a street lamp post she was under, She looked like something out of a romance movie . I figured she was waiting for someone or a cab, I prayed it was the latter. Immediately I got in my car and drove to the place where she waited and suddenly the cassanova in me sprung to life,I wound down the window and acted cool hoping to impress her, I said "Hey Beautiful......." she looked the least bit impressed, probably because of my shallow pickup line. I continued however "can I have the honor of assisting you dear? maybe dropping you off at you home" I said trying not to come off as a ritualist or a kidnapper and frighten her away. I looked at her as she thought over it and I couldn't be happier when she nodded in agreement and told me where she lived and asked if I was would be going that way. I told her to get in the car, frankly I would drop her even if it meant at the end of the world, I was that smitten. 

As we rode in the car, I constantly stole glances her way. Well she pretended not to have noticed. We had gone quite the distance when she gasped, I turned towards her.

What's wrong dear? I asked slightly worried. Rummaging through her hand bag she looked up at me with a cute yet worried face,she said "I think I forgot my phone " she kept on looking in the bags she held "I'm so sorry to be a bother, but please can we drive back to the event center? That  phone is too Important to me" , There was no way in hell I could have said no to that face and before she asked again,she had me turning the car around.  When we got back to the place it was looking deserted because it was already late. She pleaded that I  go in with her to keep her safe. This I agreed to without hesitation, I wanted to be the perfect gentleman. Going in she left to a distance where I couldn't see her anymore and before I could call out her name to make sure she was alright, I heard the sound of a car roaring to life which was strange because I didn't see any car when we came back there, on a second note the start up noise the engine of the car made,sounded familiar, sounded like my CAR! At this moment it dawned on me that I had left my car unlocked with the keys inside. I rushed out, seeing my car zoom off made me feel like an award winning idiot. It didn't take me long to realise who had robbed me of my property, the pretty caterer who was also a mysterious one at that. Cause for the first time with the lil time I had spent with her that night, it never occurred to me to ask her for her name.

 It was obviously a long terrible night since all the cash I had in me plus my phone was in the car. I thus had to walk a dreadfully long way till i got to security check point and explained my ordeal. The security guards in duty promised something would be done immediately but not after I had been laughed silly at how I was robbed and more of, who robbed me. I didn't blame them, the shitty situation I got my self in was a very laughable one. The next day I went to the catering service ordered by the event the day before and enquired about the mysterious caterer and not a soul knew who I was talking about, In order to satisfy my doubts all the members of the operation were checked for facial recognition and none of them was her.

A week had passed and trust my country's detective methods, the search for my car had ceased till whatever the future had to unfold, I had finally concluded that I was jazzed and I didn't know what was worse, the fact that I hated that lady for ever existing or that I couldn't get her out of my heart because the stupid organ probably thought she was the one, of course my unhelpful friend Tokunbo kept on saying teasingly at every chance he got" na woman do you this thing o zikora" 

 I annoyingly thought to myself, my heart should stick to its godamnned job which is, just pumping and circulating blood because women, true or not were all SCAM!!! 



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It is good to build better relationships with the people you love and those who matter to you. However, humans are social beings. It’s a no-brainer that no man really is an island. Every day, we find ourselves interacting with people, not just on social media, but also in person, whether we are meeting them for the first time or not.

So, to make this easier for you, here are some practical tips to help you to build and establish trust in your relationships with others using conversations, even those you’re only just getting to know.

1. Ask questions

To learn about people’s priorities, goals and objectives, ask them questions. Remember that it’s not always about you. What do they want to talk about? Seek their thoughts and opinions and probe their thinking with when, what, and how questions.

2. Let them talk

Suspend your own need to talk and try not to interrupt them during a conversation. If possible, pause for five seconds after they’re done talking before you speak. This may seem like an awkwardly long time, but it will help you collect your thoughts together and give them space should they want to say something else.

3. Listen to them

It is one thing to allow someone to talk. It’s an entirely different thing to actually listen to them and genuinely try to understand things from their point of view. A popular quote says, “To talk is to repeat what you already know & what you probably might have said a thousand times but to listen is to hear & understand what you may not know.”

Try asking questions like, “How did that make you feel?” and “Why did that happen?” Doing this will encourage the other person to talk and also increase your understanding of their thoughts and opinions, and eventually them.

4. Don’t dictate how your conversations should go

If you have the habit of pulling the conversation back to what you want to talk about, regardless of what the person you’re talking with wants, then you should stop it. This not only disrupts the tempo of the conversation but also makes it difficult for you to develop a good relationship with them. Place their needs ahead of yours and allow the conversation flow or let them dictate where it heads.

5. Let go of your ego

This is the most difficult of them all. The most important goal in every conversation is to leave the other person feeling better for having spoken to you and also extract knowledge from them. Normally, two people engaging in a conversation will patiently wait for the other person to be done with the story they are telling before saying theirs on a related topic, often in an attempt to have a better and more interesting story. Suspending your ego is putting other individuals’ wants, needs, and perceptions of reality ahead of your own half the time too, validating them unconditionally and non-judgmentally. This will continue to encourage the other individual to talk about his or her story, neglecting your own need to share what they think is a great story. [guardian]

 

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A study in Psychology of Music found that women are more likely to give their digits to a man toting a guitar case over a man lugging around a gym bag. The researchers took a good-looking man and watched as he approached 300 different women, all of whom were complete strangers. He did this in three different ways: once with nothing in hand, once carrying a gym bag and once holding a guitar case.

After introducing himself and hitting on them, he asked each woman for her number. While 14 percent of women complied when he was empty-handed, a measly nine percent gave their number to him when he was carrying a gym bag. When he brought a guitar case along, on the other hand (pun intended), over 30 percent of the women were willing to share their digits with him.

Why did the women prefer the guitar player over the gym goer? It could be because women relate musical prowess with good genes and intelligence, but it also could just be because musicians are traditionally the cool guys.

According to Nicolas Guéguen, author of the study and researcher at the University of South Brittany in France, “music induces a positive effect, and this positive effect primes receptivity to a courtship request.” In other words, people like music and music makes people happy, so they’re more likely to give in to romantic advances.

Further research published in Letter on Evolutionary Behavioral Science confirms these findings. In this study, researchers sent Facebook friend requests out to 100 women, all of whom were single, along with the message, “Hey, what’s up? I like your photo.” In only some cases, the profile picture of the sender had a guitar. When he wasn’t holding a guitar, only 10 percent of women replied to him, but when he was shown with a guitar, 28 percent of women got back to him.

There’s no denying it: Guys who string the chords have an easier time pulling heartstrings, too. If you have the extra cash and some spare time, might we suggest taking some lessons?

 

 

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