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   RELATIONSHIP

Breakups can be as messy as your dirty neighbor’s kitchen; some other breakups are usually a mutual parting. Either ways, they all tend to hurt. They always leave a sour sting, whether you guys broke bottles or you guys lovingly agreed to part ways. Maybe your breakup was a messed up marshmallow or a matured decision to find love somewhere else, there are certain things you shouldn’t do after a breakup. You can only truly move on if you observe these don’ts.


PS: Don’t you ever give up on finding love again simply because one or three attempts ended up in a pit-hole. Don’t start treating everyone like your ex, not everyone is your ex. Anyways you probably didn’t come in here to get relationship advice.


· Pretend you’re okay


This very faulty line of; “seriously, I’m okay” should stop. Don’t ever lie to yourself. It’s absolutely normal to not be okay after a breakup. You love someone and had future plans with them, then it suddenly ends and you come out few days later and update your status to “I’m done with love and finally moved on. Besides, I didn’t expect it to last longer than it did”. What kind of cheap lie is that? We know you loved him/her, we know you’re hurting, we know you are very angry and we also know that you want to move on by all means; just don’t pretend to be fine when deep down you aren’t.  Surround yourself with people or activities that’ll help you heal.


· Revenge

This could be very tempting especially if you feel cheated or wronged. Don’t fall for it. For the fact that you’re thinking of avenging a heartbreak means you’ve not moved on; in fact, moving on is very far from you. You might say after you’ve avenged him/her, your heart would be light and you’d be finally able to move on; it won’t happen. 


Once, after a very top notch messy breakup, I was determined to deal with this guy. I laid out schemes and plots on how to get back at him real bad. I actually went on with the plans and relaxed to get my groove back, but my groove hopped on that revenge train the moment I started thinking about it.  You’d be doing yourself an incredible favor by moving on.



· Urge to communicate


When emotions come flooding in, there would be times when you’d feel lonely and may want to call your ex; don’t! Unless it’s very urgent, don’t call him/her. It’s absolutely normal to miss them but don’t fall into that trap. Think of the reason you guys broke up in the first place and that should be enough to jog your senses. Breakups tend to create voids and many feel lost because their daily activities used to revolve around someone or they’re just getting used to not being involved with someone. Once the thought of your ex starts creeping in, call a friend, see a movie, treat yourself to a bucket of ice cream as you learn to move on.




·     Breakup sex

This has never ever been a good idea. Not only will it leave you feeling used and hurt but can be the beginning of a very complex situation that will lead to no good. Let it be a clean breakup that you have done some closure. Let them know that your decision to break up or to accept their hurt is firm and giving him/her a sensual souvenir isn’t part of the whole breakup package.


· Impulse decisions


Simply because you think you’ve something to prove to the world or to the people around you, you begin to make irrational decisions. You don’t want those girls you’re always telling to not cry over a man; see you in your weakest moments. You don’t want your guys to find out that you’re a softy after all; so you go ahead and make unnecessary impulsive decisions that will have no effect on the fellas you’re trying to impress.  Take time to evaluate why you need a tattoo or why you need new piercings or why you rather dye your hair pink than the usual red, or why you suddenly want to go to a strip club. If these drastic changes are in anyway related to your breakup, then wait till you’re emotionally stable to decide whether or not you really need them. The last thing you want to add to your post breakup is a bruised confidence should your rushed decisions to do something new backfire.


· Stalking your partner


This is plain psychopathic and an ugly trait of low self esteem. You begin to have the urge to check up on your ex partner, you begin to think you miss him/her and you may actually still want to be with them. Relationships that end in bitterness and hate should never be rekindled, they are meant to be buried and forgotten. Those other relationships that end due to distance, family, religion or not sharing at least 60% of each other’s ideology; are the ones that we leave to fate. Don’t post any breakup drama quotes because it will only reveal how frail you are. If you feel like you need to block or un-friend him/her to avoid stalking temptations, go ahead!


There are a whole bunch of other stuffs you shouldn't do, go ahead and add them in the comment box.

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Though women are not the only ones who need to be counseled or to be given lectures on how to or how not to behave in their relationships, it’s quite essential for them to be on the right track and be saved from blame. No relationship is perfect, no one is perfect, the ride will always get bumpy; the question now is, what can you do to make it bearable and solid?

1. TALKING ABOUT OTHER MEN

Men can get just as self-conscious as women if they think their woman has eyes for someone else. Think about how you would react if you caught your man staring at or flirting with another woman. So, with that in mind, would you really blame your man for getting angry when you do the same thing? Most men won’t really care if you think another man is attractive, but talking about it with your significant other is probably not a good idea. Some things are better left unspoken in this case.

2. TALKING TRASH ABOUT OTHER WOMEN

Strong women stand up for other women, not try to bring them down. Talking badly about others shows signs of insecurity and low self-esteem, so even if you feel inadequate in some way compared with another woman, try to remember your good qualities. It’s okay to sometimes admit to your significant other that you feel insecure, but talking badly about other women will not help the situation or increase your self-esteem.

3. APOLOGIZING ALL THE TIME

If you did something wrong, of course you should apologize, but don’t say sorry unless you really need to. For example, you don’t need to apologize for wearing your PJ’s all day, not putting on makeup, or not cleaning the dishes one night. Learn to go easier on yourself, because lowering your stress will also benefit your relationship.

4. GIVING YOUR PARTNER ENOUGH ALONE TIME

Every person on this planet needs a little time alone to rejuvenate and keep up other relationships as well. It’s not normal or healthy to only spend time with your significant other, so make sure you allow your partner the space he or she needs.

5. CUTTING OFF YOUR FRIENDS

Don’t neglect your own friendships either. You need friendships just as much as your partner does, so make sure to nurture your other relationships, too. Strong friendships help rather than harm good long-term relationships, so try to strike a balance between the two.



6. TEXTING OTHER PEOPLE WHEN OUT WITH YOUR PARTNER

Sure, answering one or two texts isn’t a problem, but staring at your phone the whole time you’re out with your partner will make them feel neglected. Spend quality time with your partner when you can get it. Giving your partner undivided attention will always have a positive twist to your relationship; relationships aren’t computers, even computers need instructions to work. Referring to an old saying, “You should dance with the one that brought you.”

7. TALKING ABOUT YOUR EX

Men get jealous just like women do and want to feel like they’re the only person you’ve ever loved. Of course you can mention people you dated in the past, but talking about them all the time or comparing them to your current lover will only cause arguments and confusion in a relationship.

8. NOT REALLY LISTENING

Everyone wants attention and for people to hear what they are saying. So, when your partner talks to you, put down the phone and really listen to what they have to say. You wouldn’t want your partner to ignore you or half-listen to you, so give them the same respect you would want.


9. FLIRTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE

This one should go without saying, but if you’re in a serious relationship, flirting with others should be off-limits. A relationship requires commitment, and flirting with others damages that trust and love you’ve built with your partner.

10. TAKING YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED

If you partner takes you out to dinner or drives you places, let them know that you appreciate all the kindness and generosity they show you. Remember – they don’t have to do these things for you – they want to, so make sure to tell them how grateful you are to have them in your life. As time goes on in a relationship, we can start to take our partner for granted, and that’s normal. Just remember to show your appreciation from time to time for how amazing they are.

 

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You know what they say about love, you never really know where you'll find it. A South African lady who has been identified as, Mgcotyelwa Nony had no idea whatsoever that she'd be meeting her husband in a stadium. Truly, you never really know what life has in stock for you; she reluctantly followed her brothers to the stadium for a game they had got tickets for few months back.

She took to social media to share her beautiful story.

Read her lovely story;

It was 7 months ago on the 14 of March when love chose me in Green Point stadium. It was the Nedbank Cup,Orlando Pirates was playing against Cape Town City. My brothers had bought themselves tickets to the game,they didn’t get me one,for obvious reasons, that I never watch any soccer matches and have never had an interest to go to the stadium.


But this time I queued the long lines of last minute ticket sales and got myself and my cousin tickets.

We didn’t pay much attention to the match. We were excited about our first time at the stadium and we wanted everyone to know. It was selfie after selfie. Posted on whatsapp, until a friend noted the guy in a grey t-shirt photo bombing all my snaps and asked if I’ll give him the pictures.

Every time I turned back to my brother’s he was staring right at me. Then it was half time when he came down, running over the chairs to introduce himself. I gave him a hard time since that day but he never gave up. On the 14th of October I chose love in return and became his wife.


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Marriage has been defined by different entities based on cultural, religious, and personal factors.  A commonly accepted and encompassing definition of marriage is: A formal union.

Marriage can be understood to be a social and legal contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically, and emotionally. It is a contract that is supposed to benefit and interest the parties involved.

 It provides the two individuals engaging in it succor, partnership, anchor, family and a sense of belonging that nothing can take away. With all conditions being equal; it is something that most people are supposed to gleefully look up to.

However, in our society, marriage has been packaged to appear as a dream only the female gender should aspire to achieve.  A form of ultimate achievement, without which, the woman is seen as incomplete, an anomaly that should be pruned and shunned.