Maybe you just got out of a relationship and aren’t ready for something serious. Maybe you have a really hot friend but, you don’t want something serious, yet you want someone at hand for sex, gifts etc. There are many valid reasons to start a Friends with Benefits relationship. The problem is, these things have a tendency to go south pretty quick — and not in the good way. Here are some golden rules you must adhere to for a perfect friends with benefits relationship :
1. Don’t Fall in Love – no matter how exciting and intriguing it might be for you, understand that the next person may not necessarily be feeling this way. DO NOT FALL IN LOVE!
2. Keep Your Affair Very Secret – It is all well and good to trust your friends. But understand that the moment you tell them you are engaged in this kind of affair, tongues would begin to wag.
3. Know When To Quit - Know when to run. Understand when to leave a relationship that has run its course.
4. Don’t kiss him goodbye - Remember, this is not a relationship. Remind yourself of this by having incredibly uncomfortable goodbyes devoid of affection and eye contact. A pat on the arm or a shoulder squeeze does nicely in a pinch..
5. Break it off after three months - Three months is the longest amount of time one can sustain this kind of relationship without it getting complicated. After three months, it’s an emotional free for all. You’re probably going to start getting cosmic about the whole thing.Read More
Relationships and courtship are difficult to keep these days due to so many uncertainties, below are some signs to let you know and jet off on time before one gets deep inside.
Most girls see all the signs and ignore them due to love or negligence
1.He tells you he isn’t really ready for a relationship early on. Yet he continues to talk to you and lead you on in a way that seems serious. You just go with it because he is cute, seems genuine, gives you attention, and you might just think he’ll change and realize you’re “the one.”
2.He takes his phone with him every time he goes to the bathroom.
3.He has more friends that are girls than you do, and he only has a few guy friends.
4.You haven’t met a lot of his friends even though you hang out with him a lot. They’re always busy.
5.He gives you just enough attention to keep you around but not enough to actually move forward in your “relationship.”
6.Every time you call him out on something (like why he went so MIA on text) he turns it around on you, saying you’re being clingy or crazy.
7.He stops initiating sexy time.
8.He is a shitty communicator and takes forever to text you back. Duh, because he’s texting countless other girls, so it takes a while for him to get back to you.
9.He has a lot of numbers in his phone that aren’t saved under names. You can bet those numbers are attached to girls who are conversing with him in a flirty manner. Trust
10.You haven’t met his family. OK, maybe his mom, but she doesn’t even know what he’s up to, and you only met her for an hour.
11.When you pick up his phone to do something innocuous like check the time he FREAKS OUT and/or snatches it away from you with some lame excuse like “my mom’s texts are embarrassing” or “phones are really personal.”
12.If you calmly and sincerely approach your partner about the thought that something seems off or makes you uncomfortable, and he or she lashes out and make you feel insecure or insane, it’s because s/he is deflecting. A caring relationship involves talking things out and caring about one another’s feelings and validating them, while trying to resolve an issue in a constructive and healthy way.
If any of these signals sound familiar or you have caught him red-handed with his pants down around his ankles,my dear please run for your dear life.
Guys, get in here and learn. Here are just 5 specific things you do that you think women will find attractive that actually have the opposite effect and turn them ALL the way off:
1. Not wearing a seatbelt.
Really, if you’re not wearing a seatbelt you’re not only unattractive to women, you’re also an idiot.
Failure to wear a seatbelt shows that you are reckless and unconcerned for your own safety. Women don’t like that. It makes them assume that you’ll also be reckless with their heart.
2. Not offering to pay for dinner.
Some women get offended by a man who assumes he will pay for the meal, but you still need to offer. Not even offering to pay gives a woman the impression that you’re really not all that interested in her.
3. Being too goofy
Women love goofy. They really do. But, too much goofiness — particularly in the form of self-deprecation — comes across as though you’re lacking self-confidence.
4. Not dressing too nicely.
On a date, you do want to dress to impress. Hole-filled t-shirts and jeans down to your knees will pretty much guarantee you’ll be going home alone. But dressing in a three piece suit complete with cufflinks makes it seem like you’re trying too hard.
5. Throwing your money around.
Like dressing too nicely, throwing your money around projects a hint of desperation, and once women get a whiff they’re not likely to bite.
Many women do like to receive gifts and be doted upon, but there can be too much of a good thing. This is particularly true if you’re either on a first date.
This year alone, I've witnessed up to six to seven break-ups from friends’ relationships. Its either “He broke up with me”, “It’s over between us” or “we’ve broken up” as if its ordinary broomstick they are breaking. Break-up is simply the termination of a relationship by the two parties involved or by solely one party but with the consent of both. Arises when a breach of trust, love, concern, affection and compatibility is noticed and cannot be ignored nor resolved. A concept to avoid or to stop the sensation of been cheated or feel unloved. The rate of relationship break-up these days is higher compared to the youthful days of our parents and grandparents. While some see break-ups as a way of avoiding future relationship disasters, others see it as immaturity, lack of patience and love among the lovers. Nevertheless, it depends on the authenticity of the reason, how the lovers see it and how they handle it. In as much as break-up avoids future ‘Had I known’ it undoubtedly still has dangers and disadvantages.
Let’s see some of the dangers involved in break-up:
Psychological trauma: You are in the midst of a break-up and feel like a different person. You find yourself longing for your Ex, constantly checking his/her Facebook account and maybe wondering what went wrong. This shift in patterns of thought and behaviour may be caused by neural changes that occur after a break-up. Feeling in love causes the brain to be flooded with dopamine, a feel-good chemical that lights up your noodle’s reward centers and makes you feel on top of the world. But when you lose the object of your affection, your brain’s reward centers do not immediately power down rather they keep craving those reward chemicals - just like a drug addict who wants more but can’t have it.
Emotional torment: It’s known that depression, anger, sadness, grief accompanies break-up. Heartbreak, the emotional breaking of the heart leaves the victim devastated if there is no control.
Hatred: Sudden development of hatred for the opposite sex may spring up just after a break-up especially towards the Ex. The victim may even start losing interest in the opposite sex.
Loneliness: That unpleasant awkward feeling you get when someone who stays with you, chat, gossip, play with you and keeps you company leaves you, talk more of a heartbreaking break-up.
Change of mindset: More so, the most affected party may develop a change of mindset. Ideologies like ‘All men are the same’, ‘Women are after money’, ‘True love does not exist’ and stuffs like that. Inferiority complex may also crave in.
Violence: Most times betrayal of trust triggers violence which may be domestic or outdoor. The heartbroken feels it was because of his/her gentility or nice lifestyle that the whatever reason for the break-up incurred.
Fear: It instills fear and insecurity to the cheated party or the heartbroken.
Physical effect: A pretty girl suddenly starts emaciating, the skin colour changing, illness sets in probably because of lachrymose sleepless nights. When she opens up, there’s a chance of a heartbreak she’s suffering from.
Studies tend to be about the heartbroken rather than the heartbreaker and focus only on the period of misery postsplit. Luckily for many people, the heartache from a lost relationship fades over time and life goes back to normal. For some, the rupture might even become a positive experience, allowing a person get away from a dysfunctional relationship and fall in love again.
About the writer
Solomon Akpa is a Young blogger and creative writer. He is currently studying Anatomy at the Enugu State University of Science and Technology
Follow him on facebook @ Solomon AkpaRead More
It was just a fortnight ago that my crazy dudes declared me ‘No more single’. Hitherto, they thought I was immature for a serious relationship or that I feared commitment but the fact remains that I was still searching for the ‘Miss Right’. Someone who will sincerely reciprocate my love, a beautiful damsel with a beautiful attitude, One who I will see no reason on earth to cheat on and finally solemnize the love at the altar.
MC Mumu, a very close friend had invited me for a birthday party he will be performing at. I wanted to scruple, seeing no reason to go with him, I don't even know the celebrant. But the mumu guy coerced me into going with him. I wore a simple outfit - designers shirt atop black jeans and a pair of black shoes.
We arrived quite early, the DJ was on the wheels with Tuface’s My African Queen cooling the atmosphere. After settling down, I was on my Camon C9 phone, scrolling for Whatsapp unreplied messages and Facebook’s notifications to keep myself busy.
Moments later, MC Mumu along with a figure came over to me. “Mike, meet the celebrant,babe meet my guy”,He said. Looking up, our eyes met and a million thoughts ran. I saw an amazing oval face circumscribing an innocent glowing eyes. The pointed nose was perfectly sitting just above the sexy small lips. The short pink gown atop a golden-colored heel shoe held her hips firmly. A blind man could see the shape! She was the perfect ‘8‘ figure. She was beaming with smile now. I was completely lost, my mouth slightly agape. Who said the beautiful ones are not yet born? My thoughts deserted me when I heard her say ‘Hi’ probably for the umpteenth time. The soprano voice also partook in my torment. “Am Jennifer” She said, demanding for a handshake. The handshake was brief but magical. I asked for her attention. We talked for a while, knowing ourselves until she left to attend to some of her guests. Am sure she was feeling my gaze on her all the while.
It was time for the cutting of the birthday cake, she came over and whispered gently, “Be my boyfriend just for tonight” I joined her acting as the boyfriend. I never left her afterwards. We chatted for long and I felt more of her awesomeness. I fell for her. We danced together, ate and drank together until it was time to go. We exchanged digits. I whispered, “Be my girlfriend forever’’ She grinned and chuckled.
We kept in touch and we’ve been together ever since then. And guess what? Am presenting her to my mother next week!Read More
Nowadays, it seems cheating in a relationship is inevitable. This is because of lack of self-control and lust in some. In others, reasons best known to them. Research has shown that men cheat more in a relationship than women. Could it be for the reason of superiority? Women who cheat are usually not for the lust but for the unsatisfaction in their partner. It could be sexually, financially, socially, lifestyle or some ugly traits. So both genders engage in relationship cheating.
For Ladies/Women, when your man cheats, it’s either of these reasons:
-You are becoming unattractive to him.
-You are nagging too much.
-You don’t take good care of his stomach.
-You spend more time with your female folks than with him.
-You are not submissive.
For Guys/Men, when your woman cheats, it’s either:
-You are not satisfying her sexually or financially.
-You spend more time with your guys than with her.
-You don’t have time for the affairs of the home.
-You start staying late nights.
-You don’t take care of her and her petty needs.
-You are not romantic.
When you finds out your partner is cheating and you are sure break-up or divorce is not an option for you. Do these:
-Don’t shout, argue or blame him/her for the act but wisely let him/her know you are aware.
-Have a talk with him/her, pointing out your differences politely.
-Ask where he/she is upset with you and where change is needed and do make a change asap.
-Surprise him/her either by shopping or cooking his/her delicious delicacy.
-Together, go for relationship talks or marriage seminar.
-Seek for a marriage counselor.
-Above all, pray for your partner for a change.
One of the above must surely work for you if really you want to keep your partner.
About the writer
Solomon Akpa is a young blogger and creative writer. He is currently studying Anatomy at the Enugu State University of Science and Technology.
Follow him on facebook @ Solomon AkpaRead More
It’s considered one of the biggest risk of modern heterosexual dating: You, a man, ending up in the “friendzone.” As most of us know, the friendzone is a place that romantic intentions go to die: It’s an elephant graveyard where men who aren’t quite good enough to make the cut as boyfriends are politely relegated to rot in the terrain of friendship, while the object of your affection is off cavorting with other, better candidates.
At least, that’s the depressing way of looking at it. In reality, though, it’s a blessing in disguise. Here are six reasons why:
1. FRIENDSHIP IS PRECIOUS AND NOTHING TO BE SCOFFED AT
The problem with conceptualising the friendzone as a second-rate place to end up is that it reframes friendship as a consolation prize rather than an inherent good.
This isn’t the most exciting truth, but it is deeply important. Being told by any human being that they would like to be your friend should set your heart aglow rather than trigger complaints about a wounded ego and sense of rejection. Simply put, friendship is precious: It’s one of life’s great joys from the moment we are born until we die. Friendship is arguably even more precious than romantic love, because it is lasting, non-exclusive and rarely risks becoming overly intense, yet it’s intimate enough to soothe your deepest existential angst.
2. THE FRIENDZONE PERFECTS YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Often, the “friendzoning” process goes like this: someone decides they have a massive crush on someone else they know through work or a friendship group, or otherwise met in neutral, platonic circumstances – they took the same class at university or were in a yoga lesson together, that sort of thing. But they never explicitly tell the other about their feelings to make it clear that they are keen to move things into a romantic sphere.
Eventually, the person who is unaware of the other’s feelings makes a comment about them being “such a good buddy” or starts dating someone else. At this point, the person with the feelings is furious. How could this b*tch have led me on like that? It was so obvious I wanted to be with her!
No. Stop. This is not how adult relationships work. If you meet a woman on Tinder or at a speed-dating event, you have firmer grounds to believe it was always obvious that you had romantic intentions, but to assume the same in other circumstances is way off base. If you want someone to be your girlfriend, you cannot expect that person to deduce that through some process of mind-reading and code-deciphering: You need to express your feelings in words. Ending up in the friendzone is a sign you haven’t been clear about your intentions, and that you need to work on your communication skills.
3. THE FRIENDZONE HELPS YOU LOSE YOUR SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
Another important lesson to learn from the process of being friendzoned is that women don’t owe you their romantic affection, nor do they owe you sex. There is no rule of the universe which states that, as long as you have found a single woman who is friendly towards you and in whom you are interested, she must return your affections and eventually progress things to a romantic level.
The idea that a woman can “lead you on” by being kind to you or enjoying your company betrays a damaging level of entitlement towards them, and the mere fact that a single woman is hanging out with you isn’t some signed and sealed agreement that you are going to be lovers at some point. The very concept of the friendzone as a negative place encapsulates this entitlement, and that’s another reason it’s advantageous to reframe the friendzone as a positive – even fortunate – place to be.
4. THE FRIENDZONE HELPS YOU BUILD STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN
Learning to see women as fully fledged human beings with their own desires, values and goals as opposed to romantic prospects walking around waiting to be “won” by a man is a plus for everyone. For women, it’s great because it means their full humanity is being acknowledged, and for you it’s great because you can start to view women as multidimensional beings rather than things to be acquired, and that’s ultimately much more fulfilling.
It’s not an accident that the most vigilantly misogynistic men tend not to have many female friends: When the only women in your life are mums, providers of sex or coworkers you bump into in the kitchen at work, you aren’t seeing the full spectrum of female behaviour or accessing their inner worlds. The friendzone is an excellent locale for getting to know women on a deep – and deeply fulfilling – level.
5. THE FRIENDZONE ENSURES YOU DON’T END UP IN RELATIONSHIPS FOR THE WRONG REASONS
Say things went the way you ostensibly wanted them to: You pined for a certain woman, explained that you saw her as more than “just” a friend and that she’d led you to believe she felt the same way, and even though she has expressed no genuine romantic interest in you, she agrees to be with you because that’s how you want things to be.
Does that sound good, being with someone who doesn’t actually desire you back? No, it doesn’t – it sounds like a relationship that’s doomed to fail. Relationships are enriching and valuable because they are unions in which two people freely agree to like each other and spend time together. They are rewarding because another person sees you for who you are, warts and all, and decides that you’re cool enough to hang with anyway. Why on earth would you want someone to hang around pretending they felt that way about you, when they didn’t? The friendzone is a blessing in that it ensures that, so long as you’re in it, you at least aren’t in a hellish relationship out of a woman’s sense of obligation or guilt.
However you want to conceptualise the friendzone, it’s likely nowhere near as bad as you thought it was, and it can certainly teach you valuable, life-affirming lessons about relationships, resilience, love, and even yourself. So, the next time a woman makes it clear that she sees you solely as a friend, try to view it as the poorly-wrapped but precious gift it is.Read More
A relationship isn’t all about sex, it’s also about companionship. And if your partner is boring, that’s not going to work.
We’ve all been there: you are on a date and there’s nothing to talk about. They’ll stare at their phone, the menu, their wine glass — anything but you. And when they do finally speak, they kind of say nothing at all.
"If she only talks about her pets and her favorite TV show, or all they do is drink, or talk about drinking... boring!" says one man. "Resting bitch face is boring," another man added. Basic, too.
But a lot of men have a really strong feeling about what makes women boring, and if he senses it, he can't proceed with her. For most men, it's simply not having a life. Sure, they want you to be into them and their interests, but have something going on in your own life. Care about your job, your hobby, your dog, your friends. That way you have something interesting to bring to the table on your next date.
Here's what makes women boring, according to men themselves.
"It's the give and take of relationships where women see I'm good at listening but then never actually listen or allow me to talk or vent."
"My motto is to discover, learn and experience life. I want to learn something no matter how trivial. So a woman who just wants to punch the clock and never deviate from her everyday routine would bore me. I like a woman who has an open mind and wants to challenge herself and me in discovering new things intellectually, socially, culturally, and sexually. Someone who thinks they know it all and has no interest to expand their mind would bore me. I like someone who embraces new experiences and not afraid to get out of the comfort zone."
"Another boring female thing? Cyphers. Meaning that they take on your personality and interests and likes. If I wanted to date myself, I'd date myself."
"A woman who is attracted to a man but won't have sex with them on a first date when they are eventually going to do it anyway... What are you waiting for? Boring."
"Ironically, what makes women boring to me is only wanting to spend time with me doing traditional couple things. I prefer someone who wants to spend time with other people, both with me or without me, and always has something interesting going on. As long as it's not an affair!"
"A woman who talks for 40 minutes about themselves on a date? That's boring."
"It becomes incredibly boring when I become a partner's hobby. There are likely guys who are totally OK dating a groupie and I appreciate wanting someone who is your number one fan. However, not having interests other than your partner becomes stale very fast. Being interested and passionate about things (as long as they're not some basic-ass interests) makes a person tremendously interesting."
"While a woman might have an exciting life on Instagram or be someone special in a virtual world, if she can't keep off of her phone in real life, she'll come across as boring. No guy wants to have to constantly deal with awoman who can't put her phone down long enough to enjoy real life adventures."
"The one thing that always wears me down and has me reaching for the eject button are women who find a way to complain (or just generally bring negative energy) about everything. I totally understand that misery loves company, and that complaining is easy/relatable common ground. But there is a point that I realize 'Damn, she doesn’t have one good thing to say about anything.' And instantaneously, I know exactly what is going to come out of her mouth before she even says it. Curiosity is attractive. Negativity is boring."
"What makes a woman boring? Lack of depth, work, siblings, memories, current movies are all great and can make for great conversation, but are not necessarily stimulating. Motivations, personality traits, things learned (or not), character's perspective or history make for non-boring (though that's probably true of men too)."
Let’s be completely honest, we all think it’s cute when we see what I call a ‘TnS’ couple. A.k.a tall and short couple. It always seems so nice because the guy always seems like this huge blanket sheltering his woman from harm. Yea right We all agree it’s true, in fact every
short petite lady hopes to land a tall, handsome sexy dude that will make all her trouble go away and the tall guys well at least some of them, love to have a petite woman they can easily lift off the ground and take care of. Not to be a kill joy but in that bubble of happiness, there are some awkward embarrassing moments you can’t avoid. Especially for the short, pardon me, PETITE ladies.
Can you relate? Which one did we miss?Read More
They say that dreams are windows to our subconscious and it turns out sex dreams are no exception.
Sex dreams, especially ones involving “doing it” with a person you would never, ever want to see naked in real life, can be quite disturbing.
If we dream that our teeth are falling out, we look for some deeper meaning, usually something involving debt or vanity, but waking up after a sex dream is a completely different story. Guilt and panic are our immediate reactions, fearing that our relationship is doomed and that we must be subconsciously in love with our boss.
Don’t panic. It turns out that sex dreams have absolutely nothing to do with sex, sex dreams are rarely ever about actual sex. Sex dreams are about union, the coming together of different, conflicting parts of yourself. Because I believe that everyone in your dream represents some aspect of yourself.
But if you break down even the weirdest sex dream, you'll discover there are clues inside them to help you live your best waking life. Here are six common sex dreams and what they really mean:
Sex With an Ex
No, it doesn’t mean you want to get back together. If you have a risque dream about your ex, don’t pick up the phone. It most likely means that you’re still processing some unfinished feelings about him or her. If you are with someone new, the ex sex dream might signify fears you are having about your new relationship and or the resurgence of the types of feelings you felt with your ex. Pay close attention to the nature of the sexual experience and how you felt during the dream, as it will give you insight into what type of unfinished feelings you have about your ex.
Having sex with someone of the same sex
If you are not homosexual in your waking life, but dream of having sex with someone of the same sex, it’s about your self-esteem. Depending on how the dream plays out, this same sex dream is about loving parts of yourself that you’ve been less than accepting of. Homosexual sex with a friend may be a commentary about some rift between you, insecurities about the friendship, or some quality or talent they have that you emulate. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you secretly want to sleep with your best friend.
Although you might really want to have sex with Chris Attoh or Genevieve Nnaji in real life , there may be more to your wild sex dreams about them. Dreaming about getting it on with a celebrity is all about your desire to attain more fame, fortune, recognition or bolster your social status.
Having sex with a friend
Most of us dream about having sex with a friend at some point in our lives. It does not mean however that we are sexually attracted to them. Our friends are very close to us emotionally, and these types of dreams often come about to help you see there may be some personality traits your friend has that you unconsciously wish you had as well. Think about what it is you most admire in your friend, and how you could bring out this quality in yourself. A romantic rendez-vous with a friend could also suggest it is time to make up if you have recently had an argument.
Having sex with your boss
Sex dreams are rarely about sex at all, they’re more about the psychological union between you and a particular person that your unconscious has united you with. In this case, it’s your boss. Ask yourself what it is about him/her that might appeal to you. There may be some aspect of yourself you see in your boss that you wish to bring to the forefront. Because they’re the boss, there’s also a good chance this dream could be about leadership qualities – maybe it’s time for you to become more in charge of your life. The dream could also symbolize that it would be good for you to work closer with them. Perhaps there’s a project developing on the horizon, and it would do you good uniting on some level.
I highly urge you not to flip out if you dream of cheating or being cheated on by your partner. Chances are this dream is simply about anxieties or insecurities present in your relationship. If you are the one doing the cheating, you’re probably guilty about some residual issues. What kind of injury have you caused to your partner that you need to atone or apologize for? If you’re the one being cheated on in your dream, don’t go getting all suspicious. Look in the mirror, because this act of infidelity is not real, it’s all about your insecurities.