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By Chioma Okwu

Breakups can be as messy as your dirty neighbor’s kitchen; some other breakups are usually a mutual parting. Either ways, they all tend to hurt. They always leave a sour sting, whether you guys broke bottles or you guys lovingly agreed to part ways. Maybe your breakup was a messed up marshmallow or a matured decision to find love somewhere else, there are certain things you shouldn’t do after a breakup. You can only truly move on if you observe these don’ts.

PS: Don’t you ever give up on finding love again simply because one or three attempts ended up in a pit-hole. Don’t start treating everyone like your ex, not everyone is your ex. Anyways you probably didn’t come in here to get relationship advice.

· Pretend you’re okay

This very faulty line of; “seriously, I’m okay” should stop. Don’t ever lie to yourself. It’s absolutely normal to not be okay after a breakup. You love someone and had future plans with them, then it suddenly ends and you come out few days later and update your status to “I’m done with love and finally moved on. Besides, I didn’t expect it to last longer than it did”. What kind of cheap lie is that? We know you loved him/her, we know you’re hurting, we know you are very angry and we also know that you want to move on by all means; just don’t pretend to be fine when deep down you aren’t.  Surround yourself with people or activities that’ll help you heal.

· Revenge

This could be very tempting especially if you feel cheated or wronged. Don’t fall for it. For the fact that you’re thinking of avenging a heartbreak means you’ve not moved on; in fact, moving on is very far from you. You might say after you’ve avenged him/her, your heart would be light and you’d be finally able to move on; it won’t happen. 

Once, after a very top notch messy breakup, I was determined to deal with this guy. I laid out schemes and plots on how to get back at him real bad. I actually went on with the plans and relaxed to get my groove back, but my groove hopped on that revenge train the moment I started thinking about it.  You’d be doing yourself an incredible favor by moving on.

· Urge to communicate

When emotions come flooding in, there would be times when you’d feel lonely and may want to call your ex; don’t! Unless it’s very urgent, don’t call him/her. It’s absolutely normal to miss them but don’t fall into that trap. Think of the reason you guys broke up in the first place and that should be enough to jog your senses. Breakups tend to create voids and many feel lost because their daily activities used to revolve around someone or they’re just getting used to not being involved with someone. Once the thought of your ex starts creeping in, call a friend, see a movie, treat yourself to a bucket of ice cream as you learn to move on.

·     Breakup sex

This has never ever been a good idea. Not only will it leave you feeling used and hurt but can be the beginning of a very complex situation that will lead to no good. Let it be a clean breakup that you have done some closure. Let them know that your decision to break up or to accept their hurt is firm and giving him/her a sensual souvenir isn’t part of the whole breakup package.

· Impulse decisions

Simply because you think you’ve something to prove to the world or to the people around you, you begin to make irrational decisions. You don’t want those girls you’re always telling to not cry over a man; see you in your weakest moments. You don’t want your guys to find out that you’re a softy after all; so you go ahead and make unnecessary impulsive decisions that will have no effect on the fellas you’re trying to impress.  Take time to evaluate why you need a tattoo or why you need new piercings or why you rather dye your hair pink than the usual red, or why you suddenly want to go to a strip club. If these drastic changes are in anyway related to your breakup, then wait till you’re emotionally stable to decide whether or not you really need them. The last thing you want to add to your post breakup is a bruised confidence should your rushed decisions to do something new backfire.

· Stalking your partner

This is plain psychopathic and an ugly trait of low self esteem. You begin to have the urge to check up on your ex partner, you begin to think you miss him/her and you may actually still want to be with them. Relationships that end in bitterness and hate should never be rekindled, they are meant to be buried and forgotten. Those other relationships that end due to distance, family, religion or not sharing at least 60% of each other’s ideology; are the ones that we leave to fate. Don’t post any breakup drama quotes because it will only reveal how frail you are. If you feel like you need to block or un-friend him/her to avoid stalking temptations, go ahead!

There are a whole bunch of other stuffs you shouldn't do, go ahead and add them in the comment box.

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