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  How We Met Thursday by Onyeka Michael

 It was dramatic. We met at a wedding ceremony and before that we have always been Face book friends.

Eyes pliant

 Head perfectly fitted to a well built body...

One look and it was obvious. It would be long to go away from this woman.

She looked at me and smiled. "You have got pimples on your face" I manage to say as I was completely speechless...

I had a cream in my bag. Wouldn't know why I brought that along. "This should take care of that on your face...” I said...

She took them without actually taking her eyes off my face.

 ..."I think you are more beautiful in person, Onyeka"

Something struck me differently about her. She smiled from the heart. The shine in her eyes as she rested those beautiful retinas on my well starched white cloth devoting the contours and lines of every stitch.....

Haha

Eyes that bore right into my soul...

Opening me up, washing me anew like raindrops falling from the sky...

I held her. The world paused for a minute or two... We said nothing but just look into each other’s eye.

The music we drowned with emotions that run amok like the confluence at the plateau. Mine over hers.

Good mixed with evil.

Pain over peace. No words could do justice

Only love.

We knew after that day... It was never going to be the same ever again. We are one year gone already... My life, my love, my everything. Face book was the bond. The feeling was different when we decided to call it a day and shared a deep hug.

ABOUT Onyeka Michael

An innovative writer and online entrepreneur who hails from the eastern part of Nigeria. With the ultimate goal of being a positive change in his immediate environment. A budding entrepreneur

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I had such a chill weekend.


My definition of chill; cold stone ice cream, no work, no chores, nowhere to go and watching a really nice movie.

 

I saw this movie 'Girls trip' featuring Regina hall, Jada Pinkett Smith, Queen Latifah and Tiffany Haddish. (Really nice movie funny as sh**) 

Regina Hall played the character ‘Ryan’ a woman who is a successful writer and wife that constantly lied to the world that 'she has it all'. Her life was ‘perfect’. Because I get overly imaginative, I pondered more on her character as it reflected a reasonable amount of the female populace. The ultimate goal in life for an average female in the 21st century is to 'have it all', a successful and thriving career, an understanding husband and a loving family. No need to make that gritty choice between 'career and family'. We all hope everything falls into place perfectly.

 

There are a lot of women who are trying to balance their careers with their family, especially women in the entertainment industry, sometimes it works out, and most times it doesn’t. It wouldn’t help to start asking and agitating why combining work and family is not a big deal for men. To have a man as a CEO with his loving wife and kids is quite natural.  But when it's a female CEO at the apex of her career and she's unmarried eyebrows are raised, no wonder she made it here. She has probably chased all the men in her life away with her bossy attitude. If she's married, I wonder if this one has time for her marriage, a nanny is probably fulfilling her wife roles.


And just like the movie, Ryan was a successful author and her brand with her husband 'we have it all' was a huge sell out . But with all the fame, money and successful career, her husband still cheated on her (severally) with an instagram slay queen. In my personal opinion, I think what they were trying to depict is that career women can't be hot babes. Ryan definitely didn't have time to get naked and take nude selfies and look hot for the gram. She was focused on her career whereas the other lady had ample time to seduce her successful husband. Everybody makes mistakes, nobody is perfect but the annoying part of the whole deal was that it seemed like it was okay for her husband to cheat. When he was caught he just simply apologized and promised to never do it again and everything was automatically fine.

Long story short, she admitted at the end of the day 'she didn't have it all'. As hilarious as the movie was, I couldn't help but feel sad a little and wonder why can't successful women be hot babes? Can't we have it all?

 

 

 

 

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Often times, we find ourselves in situations where we were misunderstood and judged before we get given a chance to liberate ourselves. In such moments, we find ourselves wishing that we had been given the benefit of a doubt. The irony in this is that on the flip-side of events, where we are not the ones in the wrong, we suddenly forget this epiphany we have in our own times, and we dish out what we think is right. We lock up rooms for explanations, apologies and the neutral truth: the Anti-Mistake syndrome we have been raised to practice, only when it serves us right.

Let me tell you about some states in Nigeria I know and its capitals. Pay attention closely, Fam:

The Capital is Imo State is Owerri
The Capital of Abia State is Yola
The Capital of Anambra is Awka
The Capital of Plateau State is Jos

The Capital of Cross-Rivers State is Calabar

The Capital of Delta State is Asaba

The Capital of Akwa Ibom is Uyo
The Capital of Niger State is Minna 


It's possible that the second mistake I made in the capital of Abia State clouded your entire discernment on the fact that the other states and capitals were right. Feel free to comment if you made this mistake too. Now this is life and we all got infected by this syndrome from the early days of our lives through formal education. I do remember paying so much attention to every single-crossed red line made on my work book, more than I pay attention to the fact that my total score was often the best in class. We were taught unintentionally, that a mistake is to be avoided by all means necessary. We were not taught what the correction stood for. We were not taught that making mistakes is a natural human default, and the corrections were there to stand in for us never to repeat them again. Maybe we weren't taught about all these or maybe we were, but we chose not to understand their purpose. But no one is above Mistakes nonetheless. So before we point those two fingers at anyone, we might want to check the three other ones pointing right back at us.


The fear of making a mistake is also what keeps ideas captive, longer than they need to be. The terror of making something that seems half baked, of letting people see the other side of you, of telling yourself that you won't sound good enough, act good enough, and you may get criticized if you did a terrible job. I understand. Fear sucks! Believe me. But I don't know anyone who has ever failed in the things they didn't work on. You need to understand 5 things more to what you already know:


  • There is power in getting one percent better everyday.
  • There is beauty in trusting the process.
  • There is strength in giving someone as much chances as you would want to be given.
  • There is a great journey in places outside your comfort zones.
  • Your creativity is a blooming flower. If you don't constantly water it, it will begin to wilt.


 It's not always about how good you are or you think you are. Sometimes, it's about how good you want to be. Free your mind on the idea that Failure is the opposite of Success, Failure is part of success. A master is someone who has failed so many times in the craft that they hold expertise in. Life is in stages and its journey is a process. We all rise and we all fall to rise again. There is no depth below Rock bottom, that's the worst you can go.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with an idea, a thought, a mistake, some cash, whatever you have to begin it with....

Just Begin Already. 
 




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A friend of mine who is a medical doctor and a social justice activist once had a job in Etche near Iguruta in Port Harcourt, in a rehabilitation camp built by Rivers State government. He was the medical officer in the camp his salary was half a million Naira, a duplex in the city, a car and a driver. Life was really good for him until rumour ruined it all.

The camp catered for youths from the state, they were thought different kinds of trades, industrial welding, under sea welding, sowing, industrial carpentry, etc. Every one of them was first thought how to drive and given a drivers license. They are kept in the camp, fed in sumptuous manners, usually 3 star hotel class of meals 3 times daily. They were pampered, most of the graduates were sent abroad for more training and job in oil industry was almost automatic. This my friend recounted what a life of luxury he lived.

One morning while he was in the clinic of the camp, chewing a half chicken that he was served from the kitchen while waiting for the next malingering youth to come and bother him with phantom complains, a skirmish ensued outside.

"We no go gree oo, we no go gree". These youths woke up that morning and decided to raise down the camp. Someone had claimed that he heard over the news that the stipend they received was lesser than the government had earmarked for them. To punish the people "chopping " their money, they raised down the camp. That was the end, the consequence of their foolishness for believing in a rumour, my friend's job ended, the training also ended, since then, they all went back to square one. No one else benefited from such a beautiful scheme ever again. Rumour. 

The outbreak of Ebola in 2014 and how Nigerians were caught in the frenzy of drinking and bathing salt solutions following a rumour of such as remedy to the Ebola epidemic. Many died from fluid over load. Rumour. 

The Northern Nigerian people once variously refused immunisation. Some clerics had said it was a ploy by the West to reduce the Muslim population. Many kids came down with polio ,blindness ,meningitis and other avoidable childhood diseases resulting in many deaths and disability. Rumour.

Former Gov. Ohakim of Imo State lost to Rochas Okorocha on the account of the false tale that the former slapped a Reverend Father and unleashed his boys to beat the priest up, the clergy and their followers in the state campaigned heavily against Ohakim and he lost to Rochas, later the story was discovered not to be true, the consequence is that Imo State now have a pathetic who cannot pay salaries to workers and pensioners but erected a statue for Jacob Zuma of South Africa in Owerri, the same Rochas has been running the government of the state like a family business with relatives and in-laws as share holders, he's tirelessly exploring strategies on how to hand over to his son in-law Uche Nwosu who also doubles as the Chief of Staff (CoS)…. Consequences of a rumour.

Following the widely condemned military campaign in the South East, the Nigerian Army 82 Division Enugu hospital corp, in charge of all Army health facilities in the region announced medical outreaches to interface with the civilians in the zone. It is a normal activity used by the army for carrot and stick in any region they had a campaign. It happened smoothly in Ebonyi, Abia and Enugu. Oji River the hometown of my doctor friennd benefited. The commander of the corp by the ways is Col. Ijeoma, an IGBO who schooled in UNN, trained in UNTH Enugu and is a Medical Consultant. 
On the 11/10/2017. I have barely left my house after I read from several of some of my Whatsapp contacts and groups that I should forward and call all my family and friends, it was an allegation about the army injecting school children with the dreaded monkey pox virus, I ignored it and set out for the days duty, all hell was let loose when people started screaming, parents jumping across the roads, everyone running helter-skelter to grab their children off schools. Schools closed down. Many children were hurt in the stampede. I couldn't believe that the same broadcast message I got and ignored had gone round that the Nigerian Army went about schools, seize kids and forcefully insulate them with Monkey pox. That's the spam message circulating in social media that the monkey pox was being spread by the government to kill the Igbo. Rumour. Rumour from hell.

The danger of this horrible narrative is that the hitherto exposed easterners may soon experience parents refusing government immunisation programs for their kids. Polio would return, together with meningitis, blindness and other avoidable childhood diseases, with deaths and disabilities.

My next writing on this rumour series which will be part 3 will conclude this menace which political mischief makers use to subtly turn the focus of masses away from real issues.

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Ahead of Match day 3 Champions league tie against Italian Capital team, AS Roma on Wednesday, Chelsea fans  might not fancy the team chance of going far in this years elite European competition after their horrible showing against Crystal Palace and the loss of key players in N’Golo Kante and Victor Moses to hamstring injuries.

It’s been almost 6 years since an English side lifted the prestigious Champions league trophy, the last being Chelsea, one of the underdogs then in 2012.

Chelsea FC winning  team of 2012 featured what most people would call average  players like Gary Cahill, John Mikel Obi, Raul Meireless and Ramires but inspite of what people said or thought, they overcame a dominant Bayern and the best Barcelona Team due to their determination, winning mentality and never die attitude.

With a notably better squad since their last outing, Chelsea, despite seen as one of the outsiders for this year’s  Champions league will be one of the top contenders for the Champions League this season.

Here are 4 reasons why we at blueprintafricsports think Chelsea can be Champions League winners come May 2018 :

 

1.  ANTONIO CONTE

For all the talk of squad depth and mega-money deals, we shouldn't allow it to detract from the reality that Conte is Chelsea's biggest asset. Yes, more so than Eden Hazard and £58 million signing Alvaro Morata, the manager is the jewel in the crown for the Blues.

Chelsea lacked any sort of direction when he arrived. With no European football and a fractured squad, the Blues had no right to get a manager of his caliber. Somehow they did, and with the former Juventus boss in the dugout this season, the team are going to be a strong proposition, regardless of how many more injuries they get.

Conte is one of the best tacticians in Europe and his love for perfection, positioning, high pressing and beautiful counter attacking football makes this Chelsea team one to watch out for

Conte is to this next phase of Chelsea's history what Jose Mourinho was in 2004.

 

2.  3-4-3 FORMATION

Conte's 3-4-3 changed English football last season, bringing in a new dawn for the system that has been adopted by so many other teams. Manchester United and Arsenal are trying it out for size, while others such as Everton and Tottenham Hotspur have also dabbled.

No other team has been as effective as Chelsea at applying it, though. And when we look at personnel, there's every reason to suggest that will remain so.

While Conte doesn't have the squad depth he wants, he does have the players he needs. He has talented and capable wing-backs, with a strong three-man defence that is essential for the formation to work. Not only that, it suits the likes of Luiz.

With the new signings bedding in, Conte is slowly shifting from the 3-4-3 formation of last season to his more favoured 3-5-2.

With a backline of Cesar Azpilicueta, David Luiz and Antonio Rüdiger , Conte has options to build up the play from the back now. The midfield pairing of Bakayoko and Kante allows Fabregas to maraud forward and do what he does best; supply the killer ball to the striker while Eden Hazard will find more space to exploit behind  Alvaro Morata in the free role or classic No 10 position this season.

 

3.  HUNGER FOR EUROPEAN SUCCESS

Antonio Conte won back to back Serie A titles with Juventus but it was not until after he left for the National team job that they made it to 2 champions league finals in 3 years. The current Chelsea boss would trade anything for a major European trophy to prove to his doubters that he can perform in Europe’s top competition

With David Luiz and Gary Cahill, the only ones remaining from Chelsea’s champions league league winning team, other players like Eden Hazard, Cesar Azpilicueta and N’Golo Kante will want to be up there too among top European players especially Hazard who needs Champions league success if he wants to be the world best.

 

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I think Google is racist, a Colleague of mine said yesterday. Though this same thought had crossed my mind in the past, I felt maybe, I wasn’t asking the right questions when I search for things on Google.

I once heard of a graphic designer from Sweden, John Burai, who was researching for pictures of “hands” a couple of years ago. She discovered that all the images that showed up were white. She narrowed her search to “Black hands” and what do you know, they all came back with added subtext of mixed colours such as a white hand reaching out to offer help or black hands working on earth. She started a movement called World White Web that encouraged people to link to and share images of non white hands, in a way to boost the search results. But this is just a beginning.

A Google image research of “beautiful dreadlocks” would yield results of white people with dreadlocks, dreadlocks that have been connected with the Blacks for over a century. The most shocking side of it seems to be the definition of what “beauty” is by these results. Finding a beautiful black woman would sound easy if you don’t waste all the time on specification and rephrasing of questions on Google to get what you are looking for, but immediately you type “beauty,” all images of white slim ladies turn up on your screen. Even the “Handsome” guys are all white through Google. Makes you wonder, is Google trying to feed us the Eurocentric definition of what beauty should look like?

Don’t forget the incident that occurred on their map images, which resulted to a black boy and a girl being labelled “Gorillas.” We were left to ask if this was an honest mistake or was it supposed to pass a message. But I do know whoever did that, couldn’t wait to tag the US white house as “Nigga House” too. Maybe it was Google trying to bring the heat home so it would appear not to be a racist act…

Each time, you browse on “unprofessional hairstyles for work,” photographs of black women with curly and natural hair would appear. Are these dots leading to something or are we still going to blame the search algorithms and bots used in this technology? If it’s the bots, these bots do consider it appropriate to present results of white women when you search for “professional hairstyles for work.”

Often times, an engine search of “white teenagers” would result to images of happy white kids and when you change it to “black teenagers,” images of black juvenile delinquents shows up. There’s literally no search that wouldn’t yield majority of everything from the western world, specifically the white. The one that makes me cringe each time is the search for “Asian women.” If there’s no image of some naked Asian woman, there would be an article explaining why Asian women love white men.

Can we talk about the shutting down of Google ad sense for no reason whatsoever or the long day search for suitable black images for a graphic design work? Google recently created an ad racial-targeted advertisement and when it went sideways, they had some cooked up story for that too. Maybe their search engine algorithm is still to be accused of these patterns, right?

The one that almost broke the internet would still be their search autosuggestion feature, which they blamed on mass search habits. After tying “black people are,” the auto-suggestions would be mostly crazy, rude, stupid, dumb, lazy, etc. The “white people are” would usually be something cool like memes or funny GIF. When the heat became too much, they conveniently disabled auto-suggestions for statement that stops with “are.” If for one thing, this incident proved Google can do something about its search algorithm or whatever they claim the problem is, but chose not to.

Google algorithm suddenly forgets the importance of SEO, back links, and Keywords, when you type the word “Arrested.” Almost all the results have something to do with Blacks. Is this too regularly searched for too? The fact that “Happy white American couple” shows white or mixed couples, would leave you wondering – Where are the purely black American couples or are they the sad ones?

It sucks to know that after all these years, a lot of the white folks sees us Blacks as old-fashioned with tribal marks, clothes made of animal skins, tobacco teeth, and as people who still build and live in mud houses because Google can never update their database to suit the realities of the Blacks now. Honestly, I can’t be browsing on IQ and EQ, and I am getting results of only white people. Is this still about the regular search patterns or some stereotype thing, we would never know. But one thing we would never go wrong about is that Google can be racist to all sorts of things and people but white.

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Often times, you would come across people arguing about something on and off social media over issues that they may or may not have deeper knowledge or the universal truth about than they already do. Bigotry plays a huge part in this and so does ego too. Everyone wants to be heard from their perspectives or beliefs but no one would be willing to listen from the other side or sides as the case may be. Every day we come across people like these, the "what can he possibly know that I don't already know?" My answer is always simple - A Whole Lot-

We underestimate the differences in people’s journey a lot. To me, that’s just like sitting on diamonds and you won’t even know it because we have trained our minds not to see beyond the obvious. Nothing restricts understanding than the constant desire to announce you have a golden spoon before you are even called to the table. There are also those who ask questions they already think they have the right answers to, only to interrupt you a million times because they would rather feel padded up with knowledge than actually being knowledgeable.

This often reminds me of a story I was told as a kid, about a professor and a Zen Master:

A famous and knowledgeable professor went to learn from an old Zen master. He asked the Master that he wanted to know who Zen is. But during the session, the Zen master noticed that the professor kept interrupting him. He kept talking nonstop, about his version of life and his understanding of everything. As soon as the Zen master realized this, he stopped explaining Zen to him and started making tea for the professor instead.

As the Zen master began to pour a cup of tea for the professor, the professor kept talking while still holding up his cup. The Zen master smiled gently and listened to what the professor was saying, but he never stopped pouring the tea. Soon the cup was filled to the brim, but he kept pouring. The tea overflowed, spilling onto the tray, the table and the carpet, until the professor could no longer stand it.

The professor stopped the master saying that the cup was overflowing. The Zen master smiled and told him: Exactly. If the cup is not empty, how can it make room for the tea? Now if you want to learn something new today, you have to go empty your cup.

To become empty is not to go back to zero; to become empty is to be neutral to things till you have enough evidence to take a stand on them. And for the movie lovers, this similar event occurred in “Doctor Strange.”

The 3 possible ways of learning how to be empty (open minded) would be:

To Listen:

You would be amazed by the amount of ideas and thoughts we miss during a group discussion, because we all wanted to say the most words. Reserve some thoughts so you wouldn’t end up with barren words. It’s okay not to know about what is being discussed. If for anything, that is the best time to take 2 steps back, listen, observe, sieve and retain. Learn to pay attention to details and reactions too. That’s how you learn new things every day.

To ask the right Questions:

Can you recall those moments you missed a call and the next thing you know, you get a long text from this person on how you ignored their calls? Or maybe you have that tendency of having enough words to say before you ask what happened? In as much as everyone reacts to situations differently, some situations just aren’t worth the hassle. The easiest way to get anyone interested in explaining what happened and why they did a thing would be to just ask them instead of complaining to everyone else about it. Believe me, this goes with a lot of people I have come across. Learn to address the problem, instead of everything else but the problem.

To learn Diplomacy:

It is no news that we are distinct humans with fixed ideas and preconceived beliefs. Understanding that all these preconceptions were learnt and adapted, should humble you enough to hear people’s opinions too about any issue. Sometimes people would seek the unblemished truth from you, beg you for your honesty. Often times, we are tempted to forget our own equation and give it to them raw, crude and blunt. Don’t. There are lot of ways to tell someone to go to hell without actually having to say it, that is to say, you go easy on them. Learn the art of passing a message without killing the receiver.

Be Deliberate, Be Open-Minded and Empty your Cup (Make room always for new ideas and opinions)

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It was a very stressful evening.  My younger sister had just finished writing her Post U.M.E and we were heading back to my apartment when my phone rang.  It was my elder sister.

Sis: Eberechukwu, tell Neche; I want you guys to meet me at "Ntachiosa" by 4:00pm

Yes!!!  How did you know I was hungry sef, OK no problem.

Sis: Call Amara too, you know that girl knows how to waste time...  Aii, I said as she dropped the call.

By 4:10 my kid sister and I headed to Town.  On reaching my elder sister wasn't there. 

What kind of rubbish is this, I said to my sister who wasn't listening to me because she was busy snap chatting.  As we headed to the eatery, on getting in, I saw a very fair, handsome bearded looking fella. ‘Mehn Enugu has fine boy’s, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes up and down his face.  He was with a friend. I continued my journey upstairs. Few minutes after we got seated my sister came in.  While we were gisting, the fair guy and his friend walked up and sat on the table next to ours with a flower vase demarcating us. He had noticed me.  I didn't want to act desperate; I had to look away, laughing hysterically at every sentence my sister made which wasn't funny. I was getting hungry, eager to make another move when my elder sister asked me to go order for food.  Wow, what an opportunity to show my skills. Getting up, he too got up.  I didn't know if he was heading home, my heart sank.  I wasted a little time trying to know his destination. Well, he was going to order for food too.  Immediately I adjusted my hair.  Picked my phone and cat-walked to the confectionery.

As I ordered, I noticed his eyes staring at me.  He would walk past me and walk before me. I feigned I didn’t notice.  I was enjoying the whole scenario. His friend noticed. I guessed they had talked about it. After standing for barely minutes of ordering nothing he headed back to his seat, this time he turned the chair towards my direction (don't ask me how I knew, I flipped my hair 100times).  My food was ready.  I got chicken ofeakwu with rice and a can of Ribena. Walking to my table, we looked each other eyeball to eyeball.  I wanted to blink but Nah, I have to show this nigga who the boss is.  I've been in this eye contact business for so long.  His eyes got locked in mine, I felt my body misbehaving. He was getting me enchanted, I almost fell.  I quickly looked away and dropped my tray on the table. He smiled.  Nonsense Yoruba demon, I cursed under my breath. To worsen it, the waiter forgot to put my cutlery. I had to stand again, never.  I sent my kid sister who reluctantly went. As I ate, both young men would gist and look at me.  I was feeling uncomfortable, my food wasn't going down well.  Like why won't this guy just man up and ask for my number. 

After a while, I noticed they both stood up and left.  I wanted to swallow my pride and walk up to him.  I wanted a boyfriend and the Lord had sent him in a beautiful chocolate vanilla caramel ice-creamed package, but my pride couldn't go down because it was still under construction.  Well after everything I watched the Love of my life walk out of the eatery and off my life. I had hoped I was going to see him again, Enugu is a small world, I consoled myself. 

Fast-forward to how my day went.  My sisters and I had fun.  We ate, talked about a lot of things, and took pictures. It was a jolly good day but I still wailed for losing the love of my life.

Walking down to get a taxi, Lo and Behold my missing rib was actually waiting for me downstairs.  "Oh thank you, Jesus”. I whispered. I promised I was going to approach him this time.  But my pride crept in again. I raised my head up high.  Face straight, slowly shaking my tiny ass, walked past him, acting like I didn't care yet seriously praying he would talk to me.

Hey, excuse me, I heard a masculine voice.

I wasn't Samuel; I didn't see any reason why I would wait for him to call me three times before I answer.  I quickly turned, giving my sisters a go ahead sign.

Yeah, hello”.  I said looking straight to his face. At this point grasping every moment I could, by taking judicial notice of his soft kissable pink lips. Curly Hebrew beards, Phyno enchanting eyeballs, straight Pinnochio nose, beautifully arranged set of teeth and a heartwarming dimple to crown it all.  I knew he was the Messiah I've been waiting for.

"Uhm, My name is Obum. I saw you upstairs, I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful".

At that point my body was already under going another level of construction.  I think I wanted to poop.  I felt my tummy wiggle. 

At that point I had two options.  First to say

"Awwwwwwwwwww, thanks a lot" or to say " Oh so finally you decided to talk abi?

I did the later. Trying hard to maintain a good composure, his friend chuckled, don't mind him, he’s a shy boy. 

Oh really.  Fine big rich boy is also a shy boy. (I knew he was rich, his perfume gave him out).  It was "YvesStLaurent's Oud Ambsolu-M7". Besides they were in a white Bentley and his skin was way out of Fan level). That moment my bitchy attitude came out in full form.  I stared him deep in the eyes while we exchanged numbers. 

By 11:39pm, I got a text.

"Hey, it's Obum the guy you met at the eatery. Hope you got home safely, just checking up on you."

I didn't reply.  I knew if I had replied he would know I was awake and thus engage me in a chat.

The next day he called.  We spoke at length.  From phone calls we graduated to video calls. We got very attached to each other.  We talked every day on video calls.  I was head over heels for him.  He was so different.  I had announced to my friends that I was finally in love.  They took it as a joke, because I barely stayed in a relationship after I had suffered a serious breakdown from my ex.  Seeing his picture, they concluded he was a fuck boy. They knew what I had gone through in the past.  They didn't want it to repeat itself. I didn't want to believe them, yet didn't want to put all eggs in one basket, thus we started our investigation.  My friends located his instagram handle. He just had three pictures. Two were birthday wishes to his friends, one, a quote by Mahatma Gandhi which read "The more you look the less you see".

He was a creepy guy. The one that busted my bubble was when I asked him for his face book ID and he said he wasn't on face book. Like who isn't on face book??  To cut the long story short,  the guy I met at the eatery, my "he is different kind of guy" was actually a bi-sexual.  My friends had gone through the post of the guys he wished happy birthday on his ig, checked their own page.  Who they followed, who followed them. While doing the detective work, they stumbled on a follower and that follower was my cute baby's main I. G account, where he promotes homosexuals, with pictures of him and his co-workers caressing each other.

I confronted him.  He cut the call and blocked my number. 

Till this day, my heart is still bleeding.  I thought I had finally found my Romeo. After my previous relationship, I thought I would never fall in love again, but Obum came and made me fall for him.  I had transferred all the love I had for my ex to him, only to realize that he was bisexual. I was one of his toys.  Now I know why it took him hours to gain courage to talk to me, I guess he wasn't used to the female folk. Had I known, I would have been a Samuel and waited for him to call me thrice. 

Most nights, I ponder and ask myself, is he not missing me?  Like was all the calls, laughter and long talks all fake?  Does it mean he never had feelings for me?  Why do guys do the things they do?  Why would they Kindle a fire in a girl’s heart and leave her burning? Why?

I am hurt. I wish I wasn't writing this but that's how I met the last of the male specie. Until nature proves otherwise, I swear not to ever have anything to do with them.


ABOUT THE WRITER 

My name is Eberechukwu Ngwu and I exhume happiness. My dreams are a lot bigger than I am. I love to write and express myself through written words. 

Don't be afraid to stalk me on social media.

Facebook ID : Bebe Ngwu

Instagram ID: Bebehills
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I had a recent argument with my girl friends; we were trying to dictate the terms that classified one as ‘beautiful’. If she has this, she’s definitely beautiful, if she doesn’t have that, she definitely can’t be called beautiful. We went on and on, classifying women of races and culture. Adaeze (I’ve always known her to be opinionated) hit a solid point,

So you guys are trying to say, if she looks like Kim kardashian; curvy, pleasing to the eye and ready to get naked she’s beautiful but if she looks like Serena Williams (a bit muscular) she’s not? So slay queens and baby mama’s and models are beautiful but athletes and female footballers are not?  Please! Why do the naked ones have to be the beautiful ones? I simply don’t agreeIf a woman has boobs and ass (these days mostly surgery oriented) and dresses shabbily to display these acquired assets she’s so dope, but a simple woman with minimal boobs and ass, not a fan of makeup and is more inclined to dress conservatively she’s not so beautiful? That is totally biased.

I blamed neither Ada nor the rest of us for our different opinions. We can’t all think alike. But then as I thought harder about it, these beliefs we held about the subject matter didn’t spring out of nowhere, something must have stirred us to think that way. Probably a personal experience or what we’ve constantly feed our minds with and it inadvertently channelled our school of thought in that direction. But then again, it’s a personal belief; it is not founded on proof or certainty. The society has feed us images and ideologies of what is beautiful. Society has been basing the definition of beauty on looks for as long as mankind can remember. We take a look at someone and immediately judge what we see.  As a society, we are doing everything we can to achieve this standard of looking beautiful. Surveys taken all over the world are coming up with crazy statistics about women wanting to change their bodies. One done by Allure magazine showed that 85 percent of women say they want their hips narrower, 93 percent of women say that the pressure to look younger is greater now that it has ever been and 97 percent of women said they wanted to weigh less. Why? So you can be “beautiful”? The definition of beauty has dangerously twisted how we see ourselves and one another. Is natural beauty no longer good enough?

But who is to dictate what is beautiful? Your body structure was ordained by God, blessed by your heritage, transcribed from your genes and here you are! Nobody gets to say this person is beautiful and you are not.

Feeling beautiful starts with first feeling unconditional love for yourself. I know self-love can be overrated but it really is one of the most broken commandments there is. God tells us to Love thy neighbour as yourself. That means we have to learn how to love ourselves before we can be a true catalyst of love for others. Do you have a deep appreciation for who you are and what God has created you to be? Love yourself as you are right now! No one gets to decide who is beautiful. 

 

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          Your relationship does not require your outwards looks, your fluency in English, your pride, your class. A successful relationship requires your humility and your understanding. To crown it all it requires a good attitude because your attitude is everything. Your attitude reflects you, everybody has an attitude but the question you should ask yourself is does my attitude propel me along?, does it help me overcome obstacles?, does it help me deal with the challenges of life (that is the challenges in your relationship)?, does it help you accomplish your goals in your relationships? Or does your attitude slow you down or stops you entirely?

Our attitude affect everything we do including our relationship, we have had the story of the 10 virgins. The 5 virgins that had with them extra oil and the other 5 virgins without extra oil. The extra oil here is your attitude, both the women and the men .what attitude do you have?

GUYS! Make your woman feel loved and you will get the best of her , always lift your woman up and remind her that no other woman is her level  in your eyes. She should not feel like she is in a competition with any other woman for you attention. THAT`S AN ATTITUDE! Do not get too busy, create out time for her. Build an attitude of listening, the reason God put you in that position is for you to listen to your woman because there is no one else there to listen to her. Build an attitude of respect because no matter how little a woman is, she deserves to be respected. Build an attitude of understanding because no one else will understand her if you don`t. Build an attitude of care because she cherishes that a lot.

LADIES! : Behind every successful man there is a strong woman THAT’S THE ATTITUDE. God created the woman to support the man but in our today’s world our women are not supporting our men, some women are just after the money some do not even care to know the source of this income. My dear ladies when you are so dependent on a man he sees you as a liability, and no man will want to end up with such woman. So create that attitude of hard work, believe me he will fall in love with you over and over again.

In conclusion, two good attitudes make a good and successful relationship, your attitude affects everything you do including your relationship.

About the writer 

Chinecherem Lawrencia Ogbu is currently studying Biology and Computer science education at the Enugu state  college of education technical. She loves travelling, reading, listening to inspirational talks and writing.

Reach out to her via tuk2neche on instagram, Lawrencia Chinecherem on facebook or Chinecherem.ogbu@yahoo.com

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