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As I maneuvered through the aisle in the store, this boy kept following me up and down smiling one kind smile. At this point I was like abi diarrhea n worry eleyi ni?

So I got to the checkout counter and standing in a far corner was yellow pawpaw grinning from ear to ear. Standing right to my side though were two women (older like 60’s and mid 40’s) who were checking me out, whispering to each other and nodding and then repeating the process. At this point I was like okay I need to gerrourahere fast and go look in a mirror because something ain’t right if two women are checking me out.

I finished paying for my items and proceeded to exit the store when the older of the women said  please I want to talk to you, don’t go okay. So I smiled and said okay ma, but continued to walk towards the door. She followed me outside o. By the time I turned around I saw the two women and yellow paw paw standing behind me. It was at that point that I realized they must all be together. He stood there smiling sheepishly; the following conversation ensued:

Younger woman: Hello my dear, what’s your name?

Me: Sav

Older woman: You are beautiful o

Me: Ahh! Thank you ma

Older woman: Where are you from?

Me: I’m Yoruba (I could see they were Igbo)

Mama: Yoruba? Ehn ehn…. Issokay. Are you married?

Me: No

Mama: You get man?

Me: Ahh!…. *Chuckling* No answer.

Mama: No need to answer sef, because e no matter as long as you never marry. You are now ours. This is my son (points to son) Ebube, and he showed you to us in the store and said he likes you. And as my daughter and I were looking at you inside we liked what we saw.

Me: Trying so hard not to laugh like a hyena at what I was hearing.

Younger woman: Where do you work?

Me: So so….company

Younger woman: What do you do there?

Me: …..so…so…so

Younger woman: Ohh okay….. So, that means you went to school.

Me: Nods in the affirmative

Mama: Ahh, that’s good, that’s good. We must marry you. In fact as I’m seeing you now I cannot let you go. My son must marry you. Will you marry him?

Me: *Still chucking like an idiot there*

Mama: It’s true. He really likes you ehn…you are a fine girl. Oya what is your number so we can call you….

Yellow pawpaw who has been quiet this whole time steps forward with his phone in his hand with that darn primary 5 grin on his face.

I call out my number to him and he immediately dials it saying “I want to test to make sure the number is real”.

They reiterate they will be calling me. Me, I save the number as: YELLOW PAWPAW, DO NOT PICK UP.

Within the next 24hrs Yellow calls me at least 10 times and leave a barrage of voice mails, none of which I listened to. Delete…Delete….Delete. More calls over the next few days, all ignored.

If your mum and sister have to come do the talking on your behalf, you best keep stepping to your diaper change because ain’t nobody got time for little boys. Let the real men step up please! Gaddem it!
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By Kristine

If you were to ask me about 8 years ago, what my image of my ideal man was, I would have most likely gone with the clichéd -tall, dark and handsome. Well, I got at least two of that specifications and found that the last one did not really matter. However, what I should have said, which was really at the back of my mind was to know that my spouse would never cheat on me. That he would remain faithful regardless of circumstances.

You see, around the time, I met my husband, a family friend, whose baby I was a practically a nanny to, when she was at work had just left her husband. He cheated on her with their neighbour’s teenage daughter. It was a terrible blow for her. And she did not take it well at all. It spelled the end of their four year marriage, which produced two girls.

The girl in question was this woman’s favourite person in the house, because she was a nice and quiet girl, who never tried to blend in as teenagers were wont to do and her strict Christian background also helped to cement their relationship. That might have been what her husband saw too and decided to get a bit of the nice girl. Immediately she got pregnant for the husband, she became haughty towards the wife. At first she was taken aback by the behaviour of the girl and even attempted to talk to her privately, which was firmly rebuffed.

So, when the bubble burst and the parents of the girl informed her that their daughter was pregnant for her husband, it became really clear the reason for the recent behaviour of the girl. It was a messy situation and as we were close to both parties, my parents and I got to hear all sorts. We were practically asked to pick whose side we were on as their marriage unravelled.

Till date, whenever she speaks about her ex husband, she would end it with, “I still cannot believe that he  cheated me. I gave him my all, everything, even in the bedroom, I was a whore, because I wanted to satisfy him but then, what did I get? He slept with a girl I was feeding.” She was so bitter about her lost marriage.

And that framed my mind for a while about what marriages were about, I saw pain, I saw disloyalty and selfishness. At almost the same time, a friend of mine struggled with her marriage, because her husband had taken to sampling the young ladies about town. She was a young lady in her very early twenties, and very good looking, despite having had two kids in quick succession back then and all of a sudden, she could not hold her husband’s attention in the bedroom, which was a major cause for concern.

While no one would come out and tell you that they cheated on their spouse; the truth, researchers have found is that 30 to 50 percent of men and 20 to 40 percent of women are unfaithful. That is a worrying percentage and how do you know for sure that your partner would cheat or not, given there are no specifics? Well, there are certain characteristics of a person that would come in handy to determine, if they are predisposed to be unfaithful or not.

One personality trait is their usage of ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ when discussing your relationship. That shows that your partner places value on the intimacy and love within your relationship and will gladly take steps to ensure that it is not tampered with.

Your partner does not keep secrets. If you are with someone who tells you all his secrets, then you should know that, you might have struck gold, because you will know the moment they start censoring what they tell, which could save the day and your relationship. But if you are very good at keeping secrets and your partner too is a spy agent, that is a very good breeding ground for infidelity to thrive.

On the other hand, if he likes your friend but keeps his distance from them, know he is a smart guy, who is guiding his heart and his loins jealously. Friends of a lady have been known to fight over who was getting more attention from their friend’s husband. So, if he does not involve with them, when you are not around, he knows his boundary so please, don’t go hassling him about being withdrawn towards you.

If your partner understands that a good sex life is important, then they get a higher score of the fidelity scale. It is easier to cheat, if you are not getting enough bedroom action, especially, if you have had a fairly regular sexual life in the past. It is a big deal if it stops and that can be a pointer that your partner is getting their satisfaction elsewhere.

Also, if they don’t talk about their old flames in a nostalgic way, they get an even higher score. Because, your partner is more likely to cheat with an old flame than with someone they just met. It is the familiarity that exists there, that makes it easy to cheat. But, if your partner has firmly annihilated any feeling for their ex and do not put themselves, knowingly in a position that will warrant them to deal with the ex, then, you can be rest assured that their fidelity score is indeed high.

A word of caution though, while I would like to think that most men with these traits would never cheat, there are always exception to the rules. We all humans and that come with it’s own complexities. However, when your partner has most of these traits then you can be sure that you have got a decent one.

Infidelity leaves a trail of broken hearts in its wake, it need not be yours.

==========================================

Kristine is a member of the The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to. She blogs at thelovelint.com

 
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A lot of people these days are looking to get into relationships, not the “child’s play” kind oh, the real deal! The one that will lead to something more “forever” than just “for-the-mean-time”. But the thing is, a lot of self growth has to be accomplished before you know you are ready to share your world with someone, and not everybody realizes this.

You MUST be able to offer a person the best possible version of yourself before asking for their best in return!

If you find that you’re guilty of one or more of the following, take some time out to re-evaluate and improve yourself…prevent any disaster relationships that may happen. Like the saying goes “Prevention is better than cure”.

YOU CAN’T COMPROMISE

You don’t want to see things from the other person’s point of view, to you, Its either your way or the highway…This is a sign of being too self absorbed/selfish, people with this trait find it hard to love someone else wholly. A relationship is about “we” and not “i” learn to consider the other person and meet
him/her halfway.

YOU’RE NOT SENSITIVE TO OTHER’S FEELINGS

You say/do things just the way they enter your mind and don’t give a hoot if the person gets
hurt or not.

YOU ALWAYS WANT TO HAVE THE LAST SAY IN AN ARGUMENT

It is necessary to be humble and let some arguments go, it shows you have respect for the other person.

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE INVADING YOUR SPACE

You can’t cope when you’re not alone. Face it! Your significant other will always be around at some point or the other, if you can’t deal with it, then you should rethink

YOU’RE NOT OPEN TO CHANGE

You believe you are who you are and no one can/should change that. A relationship is all about growth and change, its not possible that a relationship won’t change you, and if you’re too stubborn to allow for that change, you’re gonna have a really hard time.

YOU WOULD RATHER HOLD A GRUDGE

You bask  in the”glory” of the silent treatment and decide to let go only when you feel like/when it suits
you, instead of learning to let things go and be happy with your significant other.

YOU CAN’T MAKE SACRIFICES

You have to put yourself in inconveniencing positions sometimes just to make someone you care about
happy (it could be a family member or a close friend) making sacrifices is one of the many ways you can express your care for someone.

YOU STILL PLAY RECKLESSLY AND FLIRT WITH OTHER PEOPLE!

If you’re REALLY looking to be committed, well, its time to cut all ties with your “play buddies”, you can still keep the communication lines open tho, but no more playing “hanky panky”…if you know what i mean. Keep a decent
lifestyle! :)

YOU DON’T COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS YOU WOULD RATHER KEEP THEM IN MIND THAN SPEAK UP SO IT CAN BE SORTED OUT

Communication plays a HUGE role in the success of relationships…it is said that suppressed anger leads to bigger problems and that is a KNOWN FACT! Not talking about what bothers you doesn’t make it go away, it just increases your
anger and postpones your outburst, so its best to avoid future conflict by expressing yourself now!

YOU FIND IT HARD TO TRUST

If you are generally not a trusting person, a relationship is gonna be extremely difficult for you, you
should learn to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and give
room for the other to prove you wrong


Writer – Abieyuwa blogs at Miss Purpleheart, where she shares all the things that interests her about life, fashion, style and everything else in between.

Facebook – Facebook.com/misspurpleheart

Twitter – @Aby_PurpleHeart
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During the global launch of the Lancet ‘Ending Preventable Stillbirths’ Series on Tuesday, Mrs Toyin Saraki made a pertinent call. She asked that the stigma that comes with stillbirth be done away with. According to her, this stigma has caused great emotional damage in the life of women who are suffering from this type of loss.

She also shared some shocking statistics about stillbirth:

• Stillbirths account for almost 2.6 million deaths annually worldwide
• 75% of these deaths take place in sub-Saharan African and South Asia.
• Nigeria has the world’s second highest estimated stillbirth rate, with 42.9 stillbirths per 1,000 total births.
• With a 1.3% annual rate of progress in reducing stillbirths between years 2000 and 2015, Nigeria ranks 123rd of 159 in the world for progress on stillbirths reduction.

Toyin Saraki also shared her experience losing one of her twins:

 â€œI was fighting for one life and completely bewildered how to mourn the other life…People did not know whether to congratulate or commiserate with me. Stillbirths often go unrecorded, let alone lead to counselling. This is why I started the Wellbeing Foundation Africa, which works to improve reproductive, maternal, newborn, child and adolescent health across the continent.”

Mrs. Toyin Saraki is the Founder-President of the Wellbeing Foundation
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After a case of thrush, feminist blogger Zoe Stavri decided to use the yeast from her itchy vagina to make sour dough – a type of bread which typically needs ‘wild yeast’, and she live tweeted the process and shared her new recipe on Twitter. The mixed reactions she got on social media were not surprising,  many people expressed their disgust at her experiment, a few cheered her on!

Stavvers comment on the twitter reaction:

“So, it seems to have generated rather a lot of disgust. Far more than I expected, to be perfectly honest: I’d expected perhaps the odd “eww” and maybe even an “I wouldn’t eat that that”, but not this, the level of outright horror, as though I’d dismembered a litter of puppies and was posting selfies with a selfie-stick while doing it.”

According to HelloU, An MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin once cultured yoghurt using her vaginal juices, which apparently tasted ‘sour, tangy, and almost tingly on the tongue’, and artist Christina Agapakis made cheese using bacteria from the human body.

It is believed that heat will kill off any bacteria with the yeast, so it may not be dangerous to eat the bread
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I was circumcized at the age of 8. And In case you’re wondering, I am female. XX chromosome.

Both my parents are well educated. Till date, I wonder what they were thinking.

It was a Friday morning. I was in primary 4 at the time. I was dressed and ready for school. Myself and my 4 siblings were ready to leave for school, when my dad asked me and my sister to stay back. He wouldn’t tell us why. My mum looked like she had been crying, and I remember wondering what the hell was going on.

A short while later, 4 men arrived our house. I only knew one of them; my paternal uncle. After their arrival, my dad asked us ( me and my big sis) to go to our room. He came to our room moments later, told my sister to remove her skirt and underwear, and follow him. They couldn’t have been gone for more than 30 seconds, when I heard a horrifying, heart-wrenching scream from my sister. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I was frozen with fear.

This went on a while. Then my dad came and gave me the same instructions. I had to obey. I followed him to the sitting room. One of the men was cleaning blood from the dining table. My sister was nowhere  in sight. I feared the worst. But the little girl in me trusted that my father will not allow ant hurt to come to us.

One of the men lifted me and pinned me to the table. I tried to struggle, but it was a hopeless fight. Another one covered my eyes, while a third one held my legs apart. Then I felt the first cut…

I screamed and called for my father throughout the ordeal. The pain I went through, I cannot describe with words. It was horrible beyond description.

The following days were a nightmare. Every little movement sent cascades of pain through my body. Passing urine was the most excruciating thing to do.

Eventually, our cuts healed, and we went back to our normal lives. Till this day, no one in my family ever talks about what happened. Or why it happened. Its almost like it never happened. It took a really long time, and a lot of reading and research, for me to know what it was, and understand what actually happened to me.

Female genital mutilation. Every time I come across the phrase, I still get goose pimples all over. It’s like I’m re-living the experience. Its been over 2 decades since. I am married now, with a kid. But I haven’t forgotten. I doubt I will forget anytime soon.

This is my story. My name is _____ and this happened to me.

Okoli Christian is committed to telling African stories the right way email him  okolichristian@gmail.com
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Written by Aby

Being in a relationship is hard work, being in a relationship with an entrepreneur could be even harder work. In my opinion, a relationship with an entrepreneur can be equated to being in a long distance relationship. Just imagine if it was a long distance relationship with an entrepreneur…oh dear!

I stumbled on an article (as usual) a few days ago and I could totally relate to it (don’t ask). I’m going to share a few things to note (based on real life experiences) when dating an entrepreneur. I want to say that I know fully well that not all relationships are the same, but I am sure you will find one or two helpful tips.

So before I start, let me highlight the most common characteristics of an entrepreneur (feel free to add yours):
– They are ALWAYS busy
– They meet people all the time
– They have clear goals and work extremely hard to meet these goals
– They are passionate (sometimes too passionate) about what they do

Dating an entrepreneur? This is when you should start taking notes…

LEARN TO DATE YOURSELF

I know how sad this sounds, but it’s the truth. When dating an entrepreneur, you’re going to have so much free time on your hands, so you have to learn to be comfortable with yourself, look for things that you enjoy doing, learn to have fun on your own. Learn a skill or two to keep busy.
Spending time with yourself also gives you the opportunity to grow as an individual, you have time to reflect on life and things that are important to you.

YOU WON’T ALWAYS COME FIRST

I know they say “if a person loves you, they will always find time for you”…but trust me, if you keep this in mind, you will always be unhappy and will give yourself unnecessary headaches from thinking too much. The business is their baby, and at certain times they will give it their full undivided attention, don’t let this make you feel unloved. Try to understand this and you won’t have any negative thoughts or feelings.

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF

It is easy to feel like you’re not doing enough when you see all the waves and effects that your partner is making in their field. Never compare yourself, you have your own special and unique trait that can be used to make as much impact as you want. Identify it and develop it. Don’t sit down, feeling inadequate.

BE INTERESTED

Get to know about your partners work, even if it is something you have zero interest in, you can always learn about it, Ask questions, and get involved if you can. Be as supportive as possible. Getting involved will
also help you understand (to some extent) what they are going through and why they are always so busy. Your partner will also be happy about the support and it will make them feel appreciated.

PLANS WILL CHANGE

Dates will be cancelled, travel days will be postponed (for long distance). This is one thing you will have to get used to. It will happen and you have to be as understanding as as possible when it does.
Yea yeah, I know it’s hard, but we want a peaceful relationship don’t we? It will help if you condition your mind to not expect plans to go through until the plans are already happening.

UNDERSTANDING

If you are sure this is the relationship you want, and you want it to move forward, then being understanding, tolerant and patient is something you must become a master at. The relationship will not be a success without this, and you should know that, and keep in mind that things will become easier and smoother eventually.

EVERY SECOND SPENT TOGETHER BECOMES GOLD

When you both finally get to spend enough time together (and their phones are properly switched off), it all becomes well worth it. Cherish those moments and try not to quarrel or fight I beg you!

That’s all I’ve got guys. I know I didn’t talk about some aspects of dating an entrepreneur, please feel free to add you thoughts and opinions on this topic

Writer – Aby blogs at Miss Purpleheart, where she shares all the things that interests her about life, fashion, style and everything else in between
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Written by Bodashee Abimbola

Nobody ever said it was going to be an easy walk. Entrepreneurship is not for the faint hearted. The ability to stand up to the challenges that come with this path that you have chosen, balancing the books, handling your staff and petting your clients all come with the title.

As much as these can be strenuous, it is important to your business to look good while you are at it!

PLAY WITH COLOURS

Except you made a personal pact with your favourite colour to love and to hold in sickness and in health, then you need to play with colours and patterns. Monochrome prints, LBD, polka dots, stripes – keep them close and have some fun.

SKIN

Your skin say a lot about how meticulous you are. Take time to cleanse and exfoliate. Care for your skin. It’s yours, and no one else can take care of it for you. We’re in Africa, and in this part of the world a lot of people still equate good looking skin with successful women. And if that woman is an entrepreneur, it may just mean she has a lot of business coming in, which means she is good at what she does.

MODESTY

We know you got that killer figure and all, but except your boobs and fresh thighs can go in the shopping cart along with all the other products or services you offer, keep them off display when you’d be meeting with clients or investors.

MAKE-UP

You know the drill. Make up makes you look good. Confident. But if it’s too much, you may just get more than what you bargained for. So keep this in mind and always apply make up to enhance your beauty. The rainbow was a symbol of covenant between God and Noah. Don’t try to recreate it on your face.

BREATH

Bad news spreads like wild fire. And this kind of news will make the tabloids. It will break the Internet. It could even make breaking news on TV. The story of that fine girl with the 3Bs – Beauty, Brains, and Bad breath! Damn. That didn’t even sound nice.

HAIR

Your hair can make or mar an outfit. Whether it’s your natural hair, or it’s artificial, pay some attention. Keep it well oiled, combed or packed properly and neatly. You just never know who is looking.

People don’t like to admit it, but first impression matters. A whole lot. For people to take you serious, you must first show them that you take yourself serious. Believe it or not, everything else comes after!

=======================================

WRITER – BODASHEE ABIMBOLA IS A JOURNALIST, ASPIRING BOOKWRITER AND ENTRPRENEUR.

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Written By Mrs. Twin-brother

My husband is a twin. The other twin is female. They were really close. Still are. Have always been. I knew this when we were dating, and I remember thinking back then how sweet that was. Oh foolish, stupid me!

I bet you’re wondering what my problem is, abi?

I appreciate that my husband is a twin. I mean, the two of them have probably got each other’s back since birth, slaying dragons and stuff together. So no ish. They have every right to be close. But the day I said ‘I do’ to Mr twin brother (my husband), I expect that I should automatically become the closest person to him, share his most intimate thoughts, and conquer the world together. Is that too much to ask?

Oh, did I mention that madam twin sister is also married? Oh yea! I bet her husband is also rolling his eyes in his closet, just like me. Poor dude must have thought that me coming into the picture will make the situation less annoying. Yinmu.
I should probably hangout with him regularly, so that we can share our woes over drinks. Shebi we are kuku in the same situation. Problem shared…

In case you’re thinking my problem is not a big one, it’s like being married to 2 different people (except that one is a female, who doesn’t know how to draw her eyebrows!). My husband keeps nothing from his sister. Nothing. So madam twin sister knows all d tiny little details of my marriage, and she sure has an opinion on EVERYTHING! Arrrrggghhh!

It’s only a matter of time before she starts telling me what sex position I should take with my husband. The more annoying part of this whole thing is, my husband doesn’t see what the big deal is. He’s always so quick to jump to her defence. “She’s just looking out for us o.” Abegi! Who send her message?

2016 just started, and there’s an ongoing 21 days fasting and prayer in my church. Her matter don enter my prayer points. Let there be a divine transfer in her working place – that will take her away to a far place from here. I need some breathing space!

My name is Mrs twin-brother, and this is my story.
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Since power changed hands on May 29, 2015, from the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) who has ruled Nigeria for 16 years to All Progressives Congress (APC), the fight against corruption and change mantra has been the watch words of the new President Muhammadu Buhari led government.
Respected Nobel Laureate, Professor Wole Soyinka, yesterday, Saturday 9, passed a vote of confidence in the Muhammadu Buhari administration’s war against corruption even as he predicted that the fight is not going to be a easy one.
Soyinka made these views known when the Minister of Information and Culture, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, paid him a courtesy visit in his office at Freedom Park, Lagos Island.

According to the Soyinka, the practice of abandoning the fight against corruption half way, “will not happen this time”.
Soyinka went on: “We have never had a situation where we were faced not just by emergency but critical emergency with our children being kidnapped under our noses and we were helpless, soldiers were being sent to the war front to defend our essence and we were not backing them up.

“The fight against corruption in Nigeria is going to be a hard one. There is no question whatsoever that we are not where we were before this administration entered. But we all have to be very careful and I have used this expression again and again that corruption fights back and the ardent fighters are those who are already within the cesspool of corruption and you can see that in the recent episode which I am not going to talk about, I am going to await a certain letter, which I am told to expect and I hope that the letter writer brings it to my Egba hideout and I will educate him.

“Let’s watch the fight against corruption. It is on two levels: one directly against corruption and counter attacks which we are. There is no retreat no matter the libel or libelous garbage from any part of this country”.

The literary giant also used the opportunity to re-visit the controversy over the N82 million allegedly spent by the immediate past Governor of Rivers State, Hon. Rotimi Amechi, to host him to a birthday dinner.

The present Rivers Government last week condemned Mr. Amaechi for spending the money to host Soyinka, vowing to ask the renowned playwright to make a refund if it finds out he received any cash donation from the amount.
The Nobel Laureate described the Rivers Government’s allegation as “insulting, disrespectful and highest desperation” for anyone to try to rubbish his image on the pages of newspapers.

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