Finding a compatible and suitable life partner is a huge task which every man must be careful when doing so to avoid possible regret aftermath. There exist certain mistakes men do in this process. Searching for a wife is not searching for a girlfriend. This is a lifelong business. In as much as people’s opinion differs, these are some of the found mistakes men make in searching for their missing rib:
Find for me syndrome: This is normally seen in the anti-socials or guys overseas. Your mother or whoever you asked to find a wife for you has their own preferencewhich may be different from yours. You end up marrying a stranger. They might know the lady they chose for you and probably like her but you may dislike her qualities when you guys must have married. It’s always advisable to marry your friend.
Virginity status: Most guys prefer to marry a virgin, their reasons been they are innocent and make a good home. A friend of mine of about thirty-five years of age is still unmarried only for the reason of searching for a virgin. Virginity status has nothing to do with making a good wife and a good home. Deflowered ones can also make good homes because the grounds at which they lost theirs may be justified. Rare but true-Some of our girls are virgins because they haven’t met the opportunity to have sex!
Physique/physical appearance: I wonder what some guys mean by “I am dark, I need a fair partner”, or tall partner and stuffs like that. Does that really matter? The curves and the boobs should not be your priority when choosing a wife. Uncontrolled infatuation should never lead you to marriage. Remember, it’s not girlfriend thing.
Materialism/Connection: Yes, she’s a senator’s or any of the billionaire’s daughter but is she good for you? Are you just coming for her money or connection through her family? Bro! Think twice to avoid story that touch later on. Materialism should not lead you to your early grave!
Educational status:When you met her, she was fluent in speech, clever and smart. She has qualities but you started losing interest when you learnt she’s yet to attend a higher institution of learning. Brother, since you love her why not sponsor her academics before or after the wedding? Who even told you that school is a place for wife molding?
Background/Religious/cultural differences: You left your girlfriend only for the reason that she’s a Muslim or Christian; for a girl within your religious belief that you don’t actually love. Or probably, you learnt she’s from one of those villages demanding higher bride price. Bro, you can do it if you really love her and want to marry her.
Family members’ preference: Considering the choice of any member of your family when choosing your life partner may lead you to the wrong path. That you are bringing her into the family doesn’t make her theirs. She’s yours!
In a hurry/quick search: Most men are always in a hurry when searching for a wife as if the time is crouching up on them. I wonder what they have been doing with their lives all along.They end up having very brief or no courtship. Most times, men end up marrying the wrong girl who must have hidden her weaknesses and bad qualities.
I think it’s better to know your wife better than anyone else before marriage. It is advisable to marry your friend which she must have been in the process of your dating/courtship. Don’t make mistake in finding whom you will live or be with for the rest of your life. If you haven’t found her, relax. Don’t rush. You will eventually meet your soulmate.
About the writer
Solomon Akpa is a Young blogger and creative writer. He is currently studying Anatomy at the Enugu State University of Science and Technology
Follow him on facebook @ Solomon AkpaRead More
The buzzing is here again; the headlines, the news, the protests, the background noises, the digital whistles and the online battles. Revolutions run like the world on a globe and like a door on hinges; it’s all series of rotation that goes a full circumference and still brings us back to the arc, like somehow the friction of time doesn't agree with the motion. Let’s put a price to it, a cost to estimate how much a man is really worth.
Slavery never ended; it's hidden in everything and everywhere we turn to. If our dreams don't hold us captive, our fellow men would. We heard the news of our brothers sold in Libya, we saw the top media debunk the news, and we heard the angry voices that followed it. We have seen it all, all of it. Brothers selling brothers, and sisters taking front lines to refugee camps. We heard the initial uproar of digital disruption and half of the world asking for justice while the other halves keep comfort from the knowledge that none of their own went down. The dust rise everywhere and nowhere and as quickly as it started, the light dies with the match stick.
The constellations could tell the story of a bargain with the devil:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6….
A: Are all of them here?
C: Yes sir.
B: This man would go for $400, if you want him.
A: I would take him for $200, he is too lanky.
B: He is a great digger, $300 would do.
A: Okay, load him with the rest of them.
C: Sir, what would happen to these two?
B: Have mercy on them, make it quick and quiet.
Few minutes later, 2 gunshots went off into the night…. 2 souls have been silenced; brothers, uncles, sons, nephews and cousins to someone praying for the next time they would make it home.
We are still not asking the right questions and we still not bothered enough with the necessary details.
Where is the world on this issue?
Who are buying these slaves?
What hope is there at home for the ones being rescued?
Why are Africans leaving Africa? How do we put blames on everyone but ourselves?
Would the UN sanctions stop slave trades?
We see only auctions for males, where are the women and children?
If this is the only time the wound became sore, what happened in September at Sabratha?
Time heals nothing, it replaces memories. It’s like band-aids and we wear them all over our scarred heart, so we don’t deny our heart a space to pump. We let go of the chains a long time ago and the papers only bore the freedom we were promised. We made it to the 21st century and we still tell the tales like it happened a long time ago.
But we are living the news; in racial discrimination, in segregation, in tribalism, in sexism, and in the entire ism” we can’t keep scores of. We have lived with the scars and open wounds for so long; we don’t even realize it’s there any longer. The Mediterranean Sea has buried more men than the world ever did. For greener pastures, we sold our dreams, got trapped, bought over, and sold new dreams to.
Can we count the cost?
"Bread eaten in secret is pleasant, stolen water is sweet but he does not know that the dead are there."
But what do we expect from a state governed by everybody and nobody? Who can we hold responsible? The National Transition Council or the Levant Group or the Al-Qaeda or the Islamic State of Iraq or the Khalifa Hafta? Where’s the place for liberty where there’s no law?
"The devil always has something better he takes, for every time his hospitality finds a home in us."
History records events but not the stories the mouth could never tell, because the victims' minds have lost synergy with their souls. So we never get to hear the loud voices that would always dwell in their heads, reminding them of a blurred past and a not too promising future. The press colonizes the best part and feed us with illusions of what they feel happened. But how do the ones who lived the tales, come back from the memories that rubbed them of their shadows?
This wasn’t Martin Luther’s dream, Frederick Douglass, Harriet Dubman, David Walker, Sojourner Truth, Olaudah Equiano and the rest of them who folded up in knots and turned out their skins for slave abolition. The Cinematographers would tell these stories some day, with facts and an hour plus emotion that we would carry with us, only for a day after we have seen the movie. It's a constant recounts of everything let out from a Pandora's Box.
There's always a root to every problem, a common ground.... but we have gotten used to cutting down trees from its fruits, branches & stems. So we forget so easily that a tree cut down but not uprooted, would always grow back again.
Maybe after all these digital awareness, protests, social media debates, press releases, rescuing of the remaining Africans….We can ask....
What next?Read More
Just to eliminate one factor, this is not to say networking is not a great deal but the origin of the quote “salary is the money they pay you to forget your dreams” can be traced back to networkers.
I personally don’t buy into quotes made anonymously, except it carries a positive message or is thought provocative or is free from conformity. I love quotes that give you space to think more deeply about a topic and this particular one lacks that standard I must say.
True, salary might sometimes be stagnant and fixed but it’s not the money they pay you to forget your dreams. Anyone who forgets their dreams, wanted to forget their dreams. Salary doesn’t come with labels saying, “Dear Employee, we urge you to take this stipend/wages and forget your dreams.”
Life is a pyramid, networking is a pyramid, jobs are in pyramids, and almost everything is a pyramid and has processes. A doctor works in a hospital, a banker/an accountant works in a bank, a lawyer works in a chamber, an OAP works with the media, a petrochemical engineer works in an oil refinery, a pilot works for an airline company, a sailor works on a ship, etc…. That is the dream; to be a doctor, a banker, an accountant, a lawyer, an OAP, a pilot, a sailor, etc. Would you also say they are forgetting their dreams, all because they are working under an organization?
Getting paid while learning on a job or a trade you want to build a business around someday, is not forgetting your dreams. Working a job while doing what you want to do by the side, is not forgetting your dreams. Some salaries can facilitate your dreams, and sometimes…. You have to do what you need to do, before you can do what you want to do. Your salary may not be enough to do most of the things you want, but the experiences would be there to make up for your time.
Don’t leave your job if it’s serving you right because of a quote that was made strategically to buy into your conscience, on reasons why you should consider networking (which is a great strategy by the way). Network on its own runs the same pyramid as any organization, the term Multi Level marketing is part of the branding. You still get paid according to your ranking or filled up slots and there are still people on top the pyramid, who still get higher bids & roll over from all your networking efforts.
You need all the 5 levels of money you can get wherever you go and according to statistics; cash (salary) is still the least of them all.
Most times, I sit down and think about why men feel uncomfortable with successful women. I am writing about this because of what is happening today; this is also one of the things that are happening in relationships today. Today, men feel too intimidated because of the level of work whereby their wives or girlfriend or women in general work in. some of the men feel intimidated because of the amount of money that they pay the women.
It is true women have come a long way. In fact, women are beginning to surpass men in many areas: They have more master’s and college degrees, better GPAs and single, childless women have higher earnings than their male counterparts in urban areas. Hopefully by 2025, more than half the primary breadwinners in this world will be women.
Some people rant that men are less attracted to a woman who is on an equal or higher level when it comes to matters of the money or education, and that a successful woman should step herself down to get a man. I don’t believe that, I believe many men appreciate and admire women who are accomplished, and are not at all intimidated by their strength, intelligence and position in the workplace.
More guys seem to be becoming safer with financial demands on women they’d want to date or marry. It’s becoming quite regular to hear single and unmarried men talk about how they’d love to be with women who aren’t all dependent on them, women who have their own thing going.
But what I don’t understand is that if they want to be with women who aren’t all dependent on them, why do still feel intimidated with them and begin to talk Nonsense when they are with them, most especially when they end up getting married.
These Are The Reasons Why They Feel That Way:
Insecurities: this is the Number one reason why they feel intimidated and uncomfortable. Why? Because they feel that the women meet a man that has higher level than them. These make feel like a sheep in the midst of lions.
Inadequacy: There’s an undue sense of falling short in men when they are not richer or more successful than women. Several men can’t deal with being less successful than the women they’ll be with. It’s not right but it’s what happens.
Ego: For some, it is an ego thing. To be not as rich or not as successful as the woman they’d date or be in a relationship with is unimaginable for them. What if she is playing me again? Play some guys just can't stand being less successful than women.
Society: The pattern of relationships and marriages in the society for such a long time has seen men more successful and being depended on by women and their children. So while men might be insisting for independent women, there are still some who [wrongly] can’t wrap their heads around having a woman who does not depend on them for anything.
Perceived Disrespect: There’s a belief that independent and successful women have tendencies to be disrespectful. Some guys would argue that being dependent for most of their needs is one big reason why women respect their partners.Read More
Instagram feeds can
sometimes be bleak with nothing to see, but heaps of savage skits, fighting clips,
over filtered images and celebrities lives, domestic violence and divorce that doesn’t
really have anything to do with the rest of us. It’s no news that Nigeria
is a sunny and serious country. Lol. Going online the gram in the afternoon or
after a day’s work is really cool, especially when you come across amazing
Instagram accounts of people who just wants to have some fun and also share a piece of their write ups or laughter with their thousand plus followers.
Well.... In no particular order, here are my top 5 Nigerian Comedy Instagram Accounts:
Femi Bakre is the brain behind KraksTv. I love to think that he is a good leader who has built a team of wonderful people, who work for him. The comedy skits that come out of this company are not a one man’s job. It speaks creativity and on the desk freestyle. I bet you, you can spend your data on this page without second guessing.
That Klint is not a coincidence; he is a new age Klint d’ Drunk. His comedy is mostly on music and about musicians. He can pass any message he wants, about any trend, and gist. He edits music to a scene play. He is super talented and creative.
Gloria Oloruntobi, popularly known as Maraji, is one very exceptional human being. She personally broke a record for me, in having none ever recorded skit that wasn’t either relatable or very funny. How she comes up with her skits is still a mystery to me. She’s bound to keep you on her page if it’s your first time of coming across her account, for at least 20minutes happier than you were.
This Instagram page is ran by two brothers, Oluwa and Tope. This account took my attention from Mark Angel Comedy. They were similar, an adult and a kid. The only difference was this was more relatable to me and sillier. Not only do they mimic celebrities, but they also focus on siblings’ wahala and the things we did as kids.
Ereme Abraham, popularly known as Twyse, is an icon of laughter. His skits are mostly about Nigerian Moms. He is a cross dresser on camera and his Yoruba origin can be very detectable in his videos. His page is great for a hot weather.
These are my top 5, what are yours? Do share.Read More
The love I have for the gram is just much. Not like I’d let it control me or make me sing a song with lyrics like;
Shave my hair for the gram, ditch work every day just to slay for the gram eh..
Nah, I like to think of myself as someone with high emotional intelligence. Aside slaying and stalking celebrity crushes on instagram, personal self development is a huge deal to me. I follow pages that contribute to my goal. I like to wake up to motivation and information, laugh a little in the middle of the day at work and keep up with trending social media gist at night. In no particular order, here are my top 5 instagram accounts.
1. Bellanaija: I love bellanaija because of the kind of content they put out. It’s a news and media blog but at the same time, their content is not so rigid. There is something for everyone and there is always something refreshing and interesting every day.
2. Pulse Nigeria: I would crown pulse the ‘bearer of information’. They are leading in terms of informative content; about Africa, the world and what’s trending. What’s so cool about them is that they share this information in a fun stress free manner. (You know, without big grammar). If anything is trending and I want the full gist, I head over to pulse Nigeria.
3. SheLeadsAfrica: I’m absolutely in love with the kind of content on she leads Africa page. I can personally relate to the teachings, words of encouragements and inspirations. It gives me such hope that one day I too would be featured to help inspire others.
4. CNNAfrica: I love their celebration of African culture and promoting people of African descent. I travel and tour Africa with them through their stories and pictures.
5. Krakstv: I love to laugh and live a little. At the end of every day, I like to look at their hilarious content and laugh. It reminds me that life can’t be too serious.
So these are my top 5, what’s yours??
Looking back to when I was little, I realize that were so many superstitious things I believed. Looking at my life now, I realize how funny it was to believe them; I can’t just help it but laugh. I don’t just laugh because of how serious I believed in those lie but I also laugh because I use those lies on my younger ones. I got to understand that our parents and guidance told us those lies to prevent us from cursing any harm to our body. So they tell us these lies to scare us from doing things we should not do. What made me write about these is what I told my younger sister.
She was eating chin-chin and while she was eating it, one of the chi-chin fell to the floor but she was going to pick it up to eat. I warned her three times not to eat it but as stubborn as she is, she ignored me. So I remembered one of the lies I was told when I want to pick something from the floor to eat. Then I shouted, “If you eat that chi-chin, you are going to be Satan’s friend” and that stopped her, then she turned around and asked me, “why?” and I gave another scary answer, “Because Satan has licked it”. As soon as I gave her that reply, she left that chin-chin and dared not touch that chin-chin again.
Within me, I was laughing at her facial expression and I was so proud of myself. I remembered how I used to react to those lies while growing up but If anybody tell me the same thing I told my sister, I just laugh and scream “HHHooowww?!”. All these are mostly used on every Nigerian Child; because raising a Nigerian child is very difficult and frustrating. Now I don’t blame my parents or relatives for using those lies on me because I am using those lies on my younger ones.
And this has made me to talk about 10 lies we were told while growing up. I know they are more than 10 but I am going to talk on 10:
10 Childhood Superstitious Belief:
1. If you swallow orange seed, it will Grow inside You: So many of us were told by their parents, Guardians or Relatives that if we swallow the seed of an orange, it will grow inside us of our body. It took me a week to believe it was false. I don’t know how many of you went through the same trauma while growing up but I did.
2. When I was your age, I always came first: This particular was told mainly by my father. Although I felt a bit challenged by that, it still didn’t make come first in Class. I actually stopped disturbing myself when I saw his result. Not like he was not bright and intelligent in class but he did not come first in class. I cannot forget the relief I felt when I saw his result. LOL! Did your parents Use this Lie on you?
3. If you take your Siesta, you’ll be Tall: Do you know the most annoying part of this post, I am still average and my younger ones are taller than me. If you fell for this lie, trust me; it hurts.
4. Tell me the truth, I won’t beat you: Please if you are reading this and you know that telling the truth will cause more harm to you; stick to your lies. Our Parents can never be God that will forgive and let you go free when you tell the truth. I cannot count how many times I fell for that lie but I was still dealt with mercilessly for my action. Did you?
5. Give me your Money; I will hold it for you: At a moment, I believed those lies. But I realized that the money was spent on my feeding and housekeeping. I dared not to ask my mother about it.
6. If you play with boys you will get pregnant: Some parents have no idea how to talk to their girls about the opposite sex and pregnancy, so this is the best line they could come up with.
7. Let’s go home, we will come back tomorrow: This trick was used on me especially when I go to a place that is fun. If your parents told you this at an event, you are on a very long thing. Trust me, it would not happen.
8. Tell the Person that I am not Around: Most Parents use this lie when they avoiding some visitors or they don’t want to see anybody. And they always tell us to tell them the truth without them knowing that they also make us to lie.
9. I don’t have Money: This particular sentence was mostly used by my father. Even up till now, this answer is still a shock to me.
10. If you eat the Food on the Floor…: This one is my favourite because somehow, I still stick to it. But it’s the best used to scare children from eating harmful things.
if you remember any superstitious belief that you fell for, tell us more...
if you remember any superstitious belief that you fell for, tell us more...
We had a group chat some days back and one thing led to the other, the weird things people sometimes post on social media became the topic of the day. In the new era of trends, where savagery is becoming the new cool, at least for the millennial, it’s almost inevitable not to come across a post either body shaming people or bashing someone for their use of grammar or beliefs.
Well, it is said that “it’s all fun & game till someone loses an eye” and in most cases, a job, a career, a political or corporate position or an opportunity of becoming a brand promoter or ambassador. Social media has its own perks and if for nothing, it should be a red flag to the youths of this generation that the brains behind these platforms have at some point been recorded, saying their kids have specific ages before they can make use of the very own thing they pushed out into the market.
A friend of mine studying in Amsterdam once applied for an internship placement in the UK and gave the company the rights to retrieve all information they could find about her. That was a step of confirmation that she had no criminal record.
2 months later, she got a letter stating that she had been rejected and why. Basically in 2014, she made a comment on Facebook about how immoral gay marriage is and because it was against their human rights to freedom, she was rejected. Her opinion to what their culture said is suitable, made her unacceptable by their culture. They said she wasn’t accepting, and that she describes and judges people by her prejudice and based on their sexual orientation, which was what hospitals in their region stand against. They went further to explain how they believe in gender equality and though it isn’t written anywhere yet, it is their belief. So they were rejecting her because her belief was a threat to their belief.
A boy also in her class was rejected by the force because he had a picture during Halloween with a Nazi (Adolph Hitler) statue smoking pipe. So they said that act alone shows he identifies as a Nazi. This disqualified the boy from serving in the Military. A Picture he took when he was 16 years old.
Now, you would think…. There are other places. But imagine it’s been your dream to work with this particular company someday and they rejects you, this time not because of belief but because of a silly joke you pulled online about ladies, guys, sex, religion, other people’s beliefs or lifestyle? And what of the case where you are applying for a masters scholarship or foreign grants for a project in Nigeria or anywhere at all?
Bigotry doesn’t translate to being open-minded or flexible or even wise. Things that doesn’t add up in the North, adds up in the South and things that are not right by the East, can be right by the West. We need to learn to stand by our principles and respect other people’s own. As the Igbo proverb would always say:
“If you must eat a frog, eat the biggest one.”
Most people don’t enjoy reading and thinking, so it’s easier to minor in the majors and major in the minors. Maheeda said this and that, thousands are online trying to show whose savagery is more classic than the other. But the minute a thought provocative question is thrown to them or something with value comes up, the crowd becomes stream-lined all of a sudden.
The problem with our youths is, most of us don’t project to the future when we would be expected to have out-grown most things and when we would have our own kids looking up to us. Most of us keep our vision very far in the future and it becomes easier to convince ourselves that we are not yet living the vision (Your vision is who you are by reason of what you see), and somehow it’s in the future waiting for us to round up our youthful exuberance. We forget too quickly that today was last year’s future, last 2 years’, and even last 10 years' future.
If you are not a fitness trainer or a body model or a lingerie model or a nudist by belief or aspiring to be one, you need to carry us along with your naked and savage posts. Caption for us what you intend to achieve by posting a nude picture of yourself. If it’s class you want or fame or power, just state them so we know what to expect from you in the future too. Don’t let trends shift your focus from what’s important. The Social Media is a powerful tool for everything good and bad. Learn the good sides of it and sieve out the rest. We know you have abs, s-line, boobs, ass and the whole package of them (congratulations!), but for posterity sake, career building and for the sake of being relevant and not just popular, stream-line some things.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems, like problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
Anger is not just a state of mind. It triggers an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline levels. Anger has survival benefits, and it forms part of the fight or flight response to a perceived threat or harm.
Anger is an emotional reaction that impacts the body. A person experiencing anger will also experience physical conditions, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion which triggers part of the fight or flight brain response.
An Angry person or animal is a dangerous. It is normal to get angry but you should not let it consume you or control you. When you are angry, you can do anything deadly and you can say something that you will regret for the rest of your life. There are so many ways to control your anger but I will list 5 of them.
5 Ways to avoid your Anger:
1. Silence: it is not only the best for a fool but also the best answer for ‘Anger’. Most times, being silent shuts down a lot of noise and Havocs that is rising within you. So to avoid that strong and deadly feeling that is rising within you and to mind the choice of words, Keep Silent.
2. Drink Water: yes! Drinking water really helps in so many ways. We don’t only drink water drown down food; we also drink water to drown the wicked and hurtful words that is about to come out from your mouth. If you cannot drink the water, hold it in your mouth, it will help you in controlling your mouth.
3. Listen to Music: Listening to music helps too. It helps in forgetting the cause of your anger. And when I say Music, I mean Good Music, the type of music that can make you forget your worries because they are some music that can trigger or increase the weight of your anger.
4. Watch a ‘Funny’ Movie: I emphasized on ‘Funny’ because they are movies that can make you make a dangerous and stupid move. To avoid any further or thoughts, just ‘kukuma’ watch a funny video that will make you laugh and forget your worries.
5. Scream: screaming is another best solution. You should SCREAM! in an empty air or anywhere you feel comfortable to release the rage and anger in side you. It helps to ease out the feeling that is rising in you.Read More
Standing in front of my new class, it’s the beginning of a new semester. Here I am with that "new me" chapter of my life feeling.....Well of course I always say this before I go into a new class in this blasted faculty, promising my God and my future that I'll be more focused and still I never keep up to it, but not this time, this time it's different, this time I'll be better focused and get my priorities straight. I prayed.
Finally I'm in my seat waiting for an elective class to proceed so I can be certain if to take the course or not. As I nonchalantly waited my witch bitchy girl friends walked in, being the first time we've seen each other over the three months of the holiday, we could not just keep calm, there was so much laughter and resounding screams I thought I would go deaf, after a while when we had quieted down and had gotten our gossip, we wondered if the lecture would still hold and by the way, who elective course epp? we could always choose another one, still chatting on, we over heard the group behind us, and someone in their midst say "hmm I swear eh the only reason I'm still here is to see the fine male lecturer that has got the whole department on heat" as interesting as the gossip was, that was the least of my problems, imagine taking a class because of man, I Mean ,Girls! Come on we are better than this.
Hungrily getting up and adjusting my pleated skirt, I was heading for home. We've waited for more than an hour yet the lecturer wasn't near sight, I cannot come and die; besides I was already feeling dizzy. Immediately a body of students rushed in, indicating the arrival of the damned lecturer, I rolled my eyes and grudgingly forced myself down on my seat, willing myself to stay for the lecture....
As I got a hold of my phone to put it on vibrate the class suddenly got quite and I realized the lecturer had entered into the lecture hall. Looking up, my eyes were not prepared for the handsomeness described by novels..If a fly didn't enter my mouth I wouldn’t have realized it hung open, I mean what stood before me, before my class was ridiculous, he looked like something that just stepped out from an all male vogue photo shoot; the way he looked around the hall so comfortable, like he's taught all his life, with his blue jeans and dress shirt on he didn't even look like he was trying. ‘Where did this school find this distraction from?’ I wondered. I was annoyed and at the same time I appreciated my Dean for the first time for employing this eye candy...
At this point the Adonis had started speaking to the class, and God the way his lips moved and his clothes strained against his male skin, I believed more than anything when people said "God created this one on Sunday" and gosh did God rest when creating my lecturer kept staring so much I forgot it was human to blink, he had the perfect everything ,from the unbelievable chiseled jaw to the unruly brown eyes which went really well with his gorgeous deep brown skin tone mean the man could do no wrong with his looks. I thought I could not make myself seem like more of an idiot until he looked at me, I meant to look away but I just couldn't, The heat of his gaze could have stopped my breathing I swear, I was just so lost in the trance I didn't realize he had started speaking again, speaking to me! I couldn't even hear him because my heart was beating so loudly ,I could have sworn it was in my ears, I don't know why I stood up but had to do something otherwise he would think I was a complete idiot or worse still an escapee from an asylum. I was so embarrassed and confused because I just noticed I had been asked a question which I didn't know Jack about because I was bodily present but absent minded, all thanks to the heat of his gaze. Everyone stared and made faces, my friends weren't even helping my situation, I said to myself "Isioma, you this sad excuse for a being, say something!!!! Anything would be better than this torture". When the perfectly made man had decided that I had embarrassed my family members enough he motioned for me to take a seat, and I wished that seat would disappear so that I could fall straight into the ground, but rather I sat sulking and hating my life. What a first impression!
At the end of the rather short lecture, which was solely for the purpose of introductions, the nameless sex in jeans decided to grace us with his identity, as if he wasn’t enough evidence of God's existence he had the perfect name to go with that too, the name Jide rolled of his tongue smoothly and I swear I heard a girl sigh longingly behind me. On that note Jide walked of the class... staring at his macho back going through the door way I Let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding in and unforgivably sighed "what the fuck!!!"
That night, I engaged in a discussion with my friends with the random gossip because quite frankly that's all we do. My bestie Melissa asked "Ehen isioma are you going to offer Jide's class?”This she said with a wink, I scoffed and acted disinterested but said "Yea the course is cool sha and besides its easy, who wouldn't do it" but I already made a pact with myself that if I didn't offer Jide's course, let me drop out or better still die. Easy ko easy ni. As the week went by, I literally counted the days until Jide's next lecture and every time I saw his face and each time he spoke, I got so addicted you would think I relied on every class to survive, and you know it didn't bother me since the first day he stepped into the lecture hall, I haven't learned a thing. “O well, you lose some and you gain some which still leads to the phrase "I cannot come and die ". It was like every other class and in like every other class my senses were assaulted with his good looks, and I made a mental note of how he kept sneaking glances my way, I mean how could I not notice, I never looked anywhere else but his face.
I didn't make anything of it though, I decided it was wishful thinking,with the end of the class drawing near, I began counting the days until I would see his dreamy features again. I guess I wouldn't wait that long when I suddenly heard my full name being called out, I suddenly snapped out whatever reality I just stepped into and looked behind, wondering who could have called me, the boy behind me pointed a finger forward and as I slowly turned to the direction where the sound of my name came from a second time, it didn't take a fortune teller to know who called me, no one in my class had that deep masculine, pant dropping voice. Facing Jide, gazing into his eyes, I tried to focus and listen to the words he spoke and not to make myself a fool for the second time in his presence ,I nodded coyly when he asked "are you Isioma Obi"
Heavenly Father, the way he said the name I always disliked made me want to thank my parents for giving me such a name. He said it so adoringly like a song, like we'd met in another lifetime and giving me a once over, with a look on his face. He said;
"Meet me in my office after this okay?"
He repeated the "okay?" probably because of the dumb lost look I gave him. As jide casually walked out of the class and with the constant teases and snickers I got from my classmates which I was in nowhere in the mood for, I got up, headed for the door and with every step I made, the thought of somersaulting to jide's office or just to freeze at the spot where I was or better still running away from school entirely played about in my head.
I got to the supposed office and knocked on the door. A hoarse voice invited me in. I stepped inside and all the while looking anywhere but his face plus still trying to come to terms with the fact that I was in his office standing before him. I forced my head up when I heard nothing, and met those mesmerizing orbs he called eyes staring at me. He stared long enough for it to be awkward and strange before he reached under his desk and into his drawer and pulled out an envelope from which he revealed a white print out sheet and pushed it to the end of the desk in my direction.
"I assume this is yours" he said.
I looked down at the paper and gave out an "oh" it was one of my school documents, my school fees print out to be exact.
"I saw that lying somewhere around the faculty" he said
As if he read my mind as to what in earth he was doing with my document or why he was showing it to me. So that was why he called to his office, to return a lost item to its owner. I did feel disappointed a bit. I won’t lie a huge part of me felt or prayed it was more than just that reason, so with my document returned I felt that was my que to leave, I thanked him and was about to leave when I heard him quietly say;
I whipped my head back so too quickly I thought I would snap my neck; he raised a brow at me and asked;
"How have my classes been? I want a view from a student I'm lecturing"
I managed a "good sir" he smiled and I swooned,
"Just good eh isioma" he teased,
I didn't know where this conversation was going but I really enjoyed him talking and this time to just me, I was so happy I could cry even if I didn't show it.
"I guess that'll be it my dear"
He said getting up, coming round his desk. He stood before me;
There he goes again I thought saying my name like how I'd assume an angel would say my name.
He continued "I want you to feel comfortable with me alright? Come looking for me whenever you want, anytime”
He said that with a dare devil smile ,when I left the office I wondered what it all meant, what his words meant, but I decided to leave it be , I had day dreamed enough.
Of course my friends would not let me hear the end of it, I got teased so much I got light headed and let's not forget the senseless suggestions thrown left right center from those who thought they knew better. It’s been days since the jide drama and honestly I was grateful for the quietness I was now engulfed in. Sitting in my room, scrolling through my music gallery, I felt my phone vibrate and the screen light up informing me of an incoming call, from an unidentified caller. Against my better judgment I picked the call, I didn't need a fortune teller to know who spoke on the other end of the line.
"Hi isioma this is jide"
Like I didn't know, I had so many questions for starters; which any reasonable person would ask, how did he get my number and why was he calling? But I proceeded;
"Hello good evening sir”
Good evening dear how are you?
Not waiting for my reply he continued;
"I was just leaving school and I thought I'd see you before I leave, text me where you stay so I can come by"
He sounded so sure of himself that I would just give in, I mean sure I was alarmed, what on earth could he want to see me for it wasn't exactly appropriate but as stupid as I know I am, I stuttered;
"Sure, I'll text you the place”
Staring at my phone dumbfounded when he hung up, I hurriedly texted my school lodge address, because I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the anticipation of seeing him and sure it was getting dark so no one would really see and the thought of that made me feel better.
Rushing down to the ground floor ,of course after dolling myself up and moving outside the lodge premises it didn't take long before I saw a familiar vehicle pull up, it was dark but I could make out his outline when he stepped out. It was impossible to miss him at night anyways, he held my hand and opened the passenger seat willing me to enter which I did without hesitation, so there I was sitting In his car all awkward in a literal tight corner breathing the same air conditioner air and him just staring at me giving me that lazy sexy smile, I decided to cut through the thick tense air.
"So I have a lot of questions”
"I'm sure you do" he replied
I got a backbone and continued before I lost it
"How did you get my number, why did you call me to meet you, why are we both in this car" I mumbled on
He gave a throaty laugh still looking at me he said;
"Calm down na, haba you this girl, isioma" he paused
"Have I told you that you have a beautiful name?"
I scoffed "I wish" I said in my mind, nevertheless he continued
"Look isioma I'm not one for going on and on, so I'm just going to come out and say it, “I like you"
I tensed a bit.
"I really do like to see you in class and I like to know you're sitting there when I teach, I don't know if you've noticed, I almost can't stop staring at you, whenever I'm in your lecture hall"
In my mind I thought, how could I not notice when I couldn't manage to tear my eyes away from his face in class. He went on;
"Forgive me, I know this is unprofessional but I'd really want to share more than just a student -lecturer relationship and I don't mean just being friends”
I just looked at him, not even knowing what to say or open my mouth at the least. I sat in shock looking into his eyes, the blood pumped in my ears the cool from the AC became an uncomfortable cold to the skin, he lifted my jaw with a finger looking into my face, maybe checking to see if a spirit still occupied my body and repeated what he had earlier said
"So my dear what do you say??"
With my mind still processing and my heart confused I got out of the car and said through the window;
"I'm sorry sir I can't give an answer right now, I'll meet you in school on Monday sir” and with that I left in such a hurry one would think my village people were after me
I never thought more about anything in my life, like i had thought about the ridiculous dilemma I was in, I did reach one decision which I hoped my treacherous heart would make final and not betray my good morals, I decided that I wouldn't date jide, I wouldn't cheapen myself for an easier A, even if that wasn't the case I wouldn't make myself a cliché of school girls dating their lectures, even If that certain lecturer was a god on earth, that would mean me going against every principle I held dear and although I am a lot of things but I definitely am not an easy girl . The dreaded Monday came and I tapped softly on jide's door to bear my news and while I waited I realized it was because of being ungrateful and turning down wonderful blessings like jide from God was the reason why people had bad luck in their lives but I brushed that thought off when the door opened, I was met with that very familiar handsome face. I made a silent prayer to God, to give me the strength not to sway. I told him the good and the bad, my reasons of why what he wanted from me was not a good idea...
After it all, he took it quite well; he did look a bit upset as he heaved a heavy sigh and said;
"Well I do admire you a lot more now isioma”
I just stared at him
"It takes so much more to say all you have said to me, you are one in a million o, I'll tell you that”.
I just smiled, relieved he was not mad at me, he continued;
"Well I want you to know I don't give up easily, I for one am glad you're in your finals, that means you can't run away much longer"
I too was happy for that fact. I thought as he bent over and gave me the warmest hug and a lasting kiss on the cheek. I couldn't help but grin like an idiot as I practically skipped out of his office.
You can be rest assured that jide didn't give up, he always made sure I knew he was waiting for me with little reminders like, his loving looks in class and out of class and simple but extravagant gifts here and there, he was indeed in the truest sense, a Gentleman.
I can't tell what the future holds but it wouldn't be so bad if there was a picture of jide and I in it together ... STAY TUNED
My name is Eberechukwu Ngwu and I exhume happiness. My dreams are a lot bigger than I am. I love to write and express myself through written words.
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