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OLA- "You Can't See Me" Was What She Said Before She Let Go.
By Chioma Okwu
Someone shrieked my name from the background, I didn't have to look to know who it was; my mother. Her presence doubled my determination; I closed my eyes once again not minding her sorrow laden pleas. I slowly disengaged my hands on the wall, this was it but as I was about to drown my sorrows by taking this one jump, an arm grabbed me, it was strong, couldn't be my mother. I looked up at the owner, his face blurry due to the heavy tears in my eyes. He said the word 'please' I starred on at him, he was a stranger not anyone I knew. He couldn't see that I have to do this, he couldn't see that this was somehow going to be a relief to me; that dying at that moment was going to be a lifted burden. "U can't see me" I slowly muttered and slipped from his arms. He screamed Nooo or maybe it was my mother behind him, as I hung in the air with only his hands holding me from embracing this evil destiny.

I looked down it was really a very long way to go, making me a bit scared. "I see you" he suddenly said, he repeated it again making me look up. New tears broke through. "Hold my hands" he said "and don’t let go, please" I just held his hands suddenly scared with blood rushing through my face and head. He pulled me up and we fell on the cold hard floor of my balcony. With me lying on top of him, I didn't let go. I embraced him with all I've got as he repeated yet again "I see u Etomi"

That day had changed me somehow. The press had wanted to know what happened, interviews had been granted; ‘don’t make alcohol your soul mate while partying in your balcony' I had said, smiling at the camera. I closed my media account not wanting to bear any insults, the inevitable news and its papers were enough to make me want to go on a second journey. Mother had given me a sound slap the moment we were alone. She made me promise and I had promised. 

My prince charming had been my new assigned officer; I never knew I had one. Well there were many things I didn't know. I knocked once on his door and waited for an answer, none, I knocked again then again. He slowly opened. We stood at the door to his room that was close to mine. “Thank you" I said. “Never really had the opportunity ". He looked at me then scoffed. “I was doing my job ma'am ". His words were swift cuts. I stared at him, surprised he could say that. “you saw me, what did you see?" I asked, suddenly desperate. He looked at me like I disgust him and said "nothing” I starred at him a while longer and left. I cancelled all following interviews giving an order that I wanted to be alone. Mother stayed a little longer and I wondered if she would ever leave and when she did I knew she wouldn't let me be all by myself even though I promised. It wasn't long before I heard a knock. I just needed to be alone and stayed put not wanting to answer. The knock came again, louder this time. I knew if I didn't answer, it was going to cause an uproar, maybe I had finally gone through with it. I sighed and got up to answer. Opening the door, was my prince charming officer. I let him in and walked to my bed, he was here to do his job, babysit me. He followed me in and I wondered if it was proper, he was suppose to be at the door if am correct. "Am sorry. I didn't mean what I said earlier" he said. I looked up at him, "am truly sorry", he repeated.”What did you see?" I asked him again.

 A broken soul, he sees a broken soul. I Don’t think I have ever been described better starting from when mother had enrolled me in that competition at the age of 7 and I had did my best coming out in the second place. Mother had smashed my little trophy and said my best was not enough. I could remember her question once we were out of there; she had asked “do you want to be in the second place all your life? Once you start, you've started. You don’t smile when you wound up second Etomi. It’s a disgrace and I know you could do better “And throughout the years she had enrolled me in few more competitions and auditions. I never got anything reasonable until the age of 19 when I was picked by __talent finders._ Mother had signed the contracts. I never knew what it was all about but she said things were going to be better. My life has changed that minute, I was told what to speak, how to sing, how to stand and pose, what to wear and who to meet and stay with. My life wasn't my own. I wasn't living anymore. I simply existed...a robot. I would have to sleep with my label managers if I wanted to not just rise but also to shine. Mother had said that good things don't come easily and that she was right behind me. I was later linked to the most ill-looking celebrity artiste and that was when all the sleeping and word abuse stopped. We collaborated in a song I most certainly found highly vulgar and the music dance, unacceptable but Mother had said it was okay since we won the award and in the process making me more successful. I drank and partied, smoked and partied, slept with some of my collaborators for hit music. That was the circle of my life for years. And hate shades were not easy too. I was in the top 10 of celebrities who were bad influence. Nothing I did mattered. They said I was going to end up in a rehab and probably die in the tub in my bathroom. I was tired of merely existing and since living has proven 'not' possible, maybe not living was the best. I just couldn't continue, couldn't go on. I had sat on the walls of my balcony, my life flashing before my eyes, ready to let go.

Ola is an endowed fictional and non-fictional writer with a fiery twist to her writings, which always keeps readers coming back for more. She is an impulsive reader with a flair for things unusual.

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