I remember one time I had an ex, we were still in the toasting stage of the relationship and she said something that left me wondering. She said “lami, I have this hangout with a couple of friends and some guys would also be there.. Should I go?”. I was surprised that she asked such a question. For the very few people who have dated me, you’d know I’m the most laidback boyfriend in this world who gives you the freedom to do whatever you wanna do. Why? because I also love my freedom and I don’t want anyone monitoring or disturbing me.
I told her, ‘Yeah sure.. have fun” and she was surprised. Like I was meant to say No or something. To her, she was probably trying to make me more involved in her life and whatnot but in reality, she just gave me unnecessary power. Sometimes when you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be asking your partners for some things, instead, you should be telling them. If I had told her not to go to the hangout because I was uncomfortable, she just basically gave me the power to restrict her movements. From that day on I’d have the right to tell her where and where not to go because she gave me the power to.
When in new relationships, women tend to do this a lot. They give men unnecessary power and then the men, in turn, tend to abuse it because such kind of power is new to them. We also give such power to our parents too. Instead of telling them we want to go out, we ask them if we can go out and as we all know, Nigerian parents LOVE to abuse power if given the tiniest bit.
The moral of this short and scattered article is, Stop giving people unnecessary power by asking, just tell them instead.