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African manifestation of intellectual achievement in terms of social
wealth and political power has always been marginalized against women. As much
as we would like to declare that women are being empowered especially in the
21st century, we can’t also argue that it is far from being balanced. As
an African woman, it is hard to equate the need for social accomplishment and
needs of the home. Sparingly, the society stigmatizes you on the blanket
of respect.
There is an aloof recognition of
your efforts but a glaring disapproval that you are incomplete. Women who
pursue their careers in their early years always discover that when they get to
the apex, there is no man to build a home with. Few African men would want to
marry a woman who earns more than he does. Sentimental arguments like ‘she won’t respect me’,’ who will take care of the home’ et
cetera begin to rise up. It is always assumed that a highly placed career or
political woman automatically loses her humility making her unable to submit to
the ‘Alpha’ male.
For women, it’s a choice; power, fame and success or a family. They almost
can’t have both. Women, who do, struggle to stay afloat. A recent study by BBC Africa showed that just 5% of CEOs
in Africa are women; the huge left over of 95% is dominated by men.
Asides that, if the ‘woman’ were to be in that position and unmarried,
she is either surrounded by feeble minded men who just want to play on her
emotions and feed off her money or she is surrounded by gossips, who say the
real source of her money is a ‘man’ in the background, or still, she is
surrounded by family who tells her to reduce her standards so she can find a
man. Social media hasn’t helped a bit. A woman is termed popular or social if she has
quite a number of followers and likes. Since the beginning of time, women
have always been competitive beings, being the way they are raised, to outshine
one another to get the best deal off the husband market. Social media provided
the best ring for this fight. Competitors arise to hinder, with spectators to
cheer on.
If one gets a lot of likes, she is very beautiful, regardless of her
character, composure, attitude, mental IQ, skills as a woman and innate talent.
It all doesn’t matter. She could dress carelessly, using crude words, abuse
makeup and filters and get a lot of likes. She feels she has friends, she is
liked and people just love her. She gradually slips into an illusion, of a
non-existent life. At a certain age, where her beauty and
social media life cant rescue her anymore she’s willing to do anything to keep
relevant. On the other hand, a well-trained young woman, with a nice character,
excellent IQ, and independent but not fun on social media,
feels she doesn’t have friends; she gradually starts to change herself, wear
less, starts talking crude and focuses on maintaining a fake life just to be
liked by non-existent people. Being a woman is hard. Women are constantly
shamed for everything.
“No boobs? Damn. Grow some. Big boobs? Cover yourself, don’t be so
vulgar. No ass? Everyone will laugh at you. Ass? Well, better cover yourself,
you don’t want to draw attention to that ass. Short? You need to wear heels.
Tall? Worse. You can’t be taller than men. Skinny? You have to gain weight
because nobody likes ‘a bag of bones’. Chubby? Lose weight! Do you know how fat
you’ll be when you have children? No makeup? Please take care of yourself.
Don’t be so lazy. Makeup? It looks like its only painting herself that this one
knows. Career? Good for you! But I hope there’s a man in your life and he
doesn’t mind. No career? Haba no man wants a liability now o”
Everybody is trying to
paint the picture of a perfect life and trying to ‘belong’. Kenyan Nobel laureate Wangari Maathai opined; ‘African women need to know that it’s OK
for them to be the way they are as strength, and to be liberated from fear and
silence.’
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